Gaysi: The Gay Desi - Yes, we're legal!

I am not looking for a “life partner”. God knows I find it hard enough to manage my regular flirtations, affairs on the side and small stimulations.

However, I sometimes have to consider this – as a bisexual, do I want to spend the rest of my life with one man or one woman? Not all of us are designed for monogamy, but fact of the matter is that even in the most open or relationships, we descend into some semblance of monogamous. You see, you can go about orgasming on various beds, but in the end you have but one heart.

(Yes, yes, of course. You can love many people at the same time. I know all that.)

Sexually men and women satisfy me on pretty much the same level. But surely partnership/ marriage/ monogamous companionship is more than sex. Bisexuality isn’t just about being equally comfortable about groping men and women. In a sense, you can visualize yourself being romantically involved with both. You can imagine raising children, and running a household with both. A bisexual friend remarked that since she liked both men and women, she would probably opt for a man – the relationship would be a lot easier, would require very little explanation. And all that.

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[Dr. Devdutt Pattanaik is the author of several essays and books on Hindu lore. His book 'Man who was a woman and other queer tales from Hindu Lore' was published by Haworth Press, USA. This essay was first published in Debonair Anniversary Issue, 2001.]

Did homosexuality exist in ancient India? The answer in many respects depends on what we mean by homosexuality. Do we limit ourselves only to sexual acts between members of the same sex and leave out romantic affection? Do we distinguish between those men who occasionally have sex with other men but otherwise live heterosexual lives, and those for whom their sexual preference forms the core of their identity? Do we consider same-sex intercourse that occurs in the course of a subterfuge, or as a result of frustration or desperation? And do we include liaisons involving those who consider themselves neither male nor female (for example, hijras)? Definitions are important because ‘homosexuality’ does not connote the same thing to all people. Besides, the meaning has changed over time. As has the meaning of heterosexuality.

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[Guest Author : Saakshi O. Juneja]

“If you are above the age of 18, a male and seeking a job that combines work with pleasure, here is an unusual opening that promises a combination of both. The post of a condom tester is up for grabs as Durex, one of the world’s largest condom manufacturer has announced plans to recruit Indian males above the age of 18 to test their products. [Link]

Interesting. Encouraging. But sexist, without doubt.

My annoyance with the above ‘modern’ initiative is with the fact that women have been so easily excluded from Durex’s consumer involvement programme. This to me is nothing but just another example of what our society perceives is a woman’s worth in matters related to S-E-X: The man is in charge of the sexual act, the woman is merely the means to reach an orgasm.

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An interesting piece from the LA Times:

Aliyah Bacchus is a Muslim who left an arranged marriage in Queens, N.Y., before coming to understand her sexuality as a lesbian. Before heading off to a new life with her lover, she made a visit to family members in Rockaway Beach, N.Y., to give them the choice of accepting her as she is, or losing her forever.

Aliyah tells her aunt she is in love with a woman, who is not a Muslim.

Her aunt does not understand. She tells Aliyah she is too intelligent to be gay. It is the influence of the shaitan, she says, the devil.

Aliyah seethes. She realizes she will never change her aunt’s mind. She could return to this life, behaving as her family dictates, belonging to a family in which love comes with conditions. But that life is not hers anymore. [Link]

One of my best friends, V, is staying with The Girl & me for a week. V is the kind of crazy, non-judgmental, affectionate friend that everyone should have at least one of.

V was the first friend I ever came out to. He knew of all the problems I was having with my ex husband (they used to be very close friends too.) and had been trying to counsel me. When The Girl & I fell in love, I felt like I couldn’t talk to any of my friends about it because not only was I having an affair, but I was having a lesbian affair.

One day on the phone with V, I started crying and he asked me if there was was someone else. I said, “Yes it’s a woman”. His reply: “omg! Ex is having an affair?!”

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Friend and openly gay writer, Parmesh Shahani in his book Gay Bombay says that being gay isn’t just a sexual preference, it’s a lifestyle.

My sexuality was something that I had compartmentalized as something that was surreptitious and all about the sexual act, not about an identity.

Yes, perhaps. I guess I can’t claim to understand fully since my choices go by what society sees as the norm and anything else is forced to be defined starkly, clearly as separate.

I was recently at a party and ended up sitting next two friends who both happened to be gay, one guy and one girl. I’ve known each of them independently for years now. Till a few months ago, I didn’t even know that they knew each other and from what I can tell, they’ve only recently become friends. That they get along so well suits me just fine since they’re both such lovely people and besides I understand for each of them, considering the staggering enormity of the cause they each champion, it is good to meet a kindred soul. Add to that the fact that they’re both such rollicking fun that getting together with both of them is usually a blast.

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