Over the decades, urban Indian parents have chipped away one reservation after another in the interests of their children’s well-being. Most parents today easily accept that their children may marry someone outside their caste, creed, and even race. They accept their children’s drinking, dressing, and dates. But even the most liberal parents are finding it difficult to consider the possibility that their child may be gay. [Link]
This is a piece written by Manju Sara Rajan for Open Magazine, which briefly touches on the subject of straight Indian parents and their homosexual children.
For a moment it took me back to 80s & very early 90s filmy scenarios. You know the bit where hi-fi bling bling parents learning that their beloved, overly pampered eklauta child has fallen in love, in a high pitched tone utter these very words – Love…tumhe love ho gaya? How dare?
My apologies for this amusing flashback, but the situation today is pretty much the same no? Replace Love with Gay and you have – Tum Gay ho? How dare?
The other day I was asked by a friend if the recent Delhi High Court ruling of IPC 377 would make it easier for gay kids to come out to their families. Honestly, there is no doubt that the ruling will make lives of the Queer folks a hell lot easier. But, how it impacts the thinking process of our very culturally-centric society is something that we will have to only wait and watch.
Parents, no matter how liberated or modern they come across, no matter how educated they are and no matter how much they love us, are aam junta (the Mango people) who are society bound. A fact we, unfortunately, cannot ignore. They can imagine the worst and possibly the most outrageous outcome for someone else’s child and, at times be mind-bogglingly accepting of another’s rebellious actions but when it comes to their own flesh and blood – “How dare?” is a universal response.
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I agree…mostly.
Every-now-and-then you will find a really amazingly accepting a liberal Desi mother who, despite being brought up in India, having come to the United States only in her 20′s, and living with a terribly controlling husband, still manages to love her lesbian daughter and accept her for who she is. I will never forget her words as I cried to her while coming out, apologizing for not being able to be straight and the shame that I knew I would bring to our family…, she said– “Beta? Don’t worry. I love you more than anything and I can fight the whole world for you.”
I think its the element of self-guilt among family members which really blinds them to accept the
preferences of their own child once she comes out to them. Parents are sometimes too busy in actually spotting a behavioural shift in the child at its budding stage. Sometimes they are just ignorant about the child’s reaction, which they only care to re-visit once the curtain is raised wide.
And then they desparately want to re-frame every single moment which stands as a proof of the fact that their child might be a gay.
Avani, you are lucky. There are many of us who prefer staying away from home working elsewhere to keep the pressure off the heads of both parties. And whenever there is a visit, its formal, and personal sharing, friends details, etc is deliberately kept out of discussion.
Avani,
You’re really really lucky. Please tell your mom I admire her.
Cute. Funny. But so very true. Indian parents are most dramatic of the lot. Bollywood maybe exaggerated but not entriely untrue.
I very much agree with DesiDyke…Indian families simply love drama. Even when it comes to insignificant topics. But eventually they come around. Or maybe its just a wishful thinking!
Who can deny Ekta Kapoor’s role in it
:D…!!!
DK – what you said is so true – about many of staying away to avoid opportunities for conflicts. And he whole bit about revealing very censored details about personal lives. Which actually becomes such a burden.
Btw.. I think the question will be.. ‘Meri kasam khaake ke kaho,tum gay nahi ho’
lols…!!! How about this one, “Kitna SACRIFICE kiya tumhari ache parvarish ke liye, aur aaj ye din de rahe ho???”
With lots of emotional PUNCH…right in the middle of your heart, or liver or kidney, watever you think is precious…:D
Jokes apart, Moms are all special. Just that sometimes it gets difficult for some of them to understand this part of their child out of their sheer desire to choose only happiness in their child’s future.
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Sometimes geographical distance does matter. It helps in identifying what really is valuable and what really matters at the end of the day.
Hey hey aren’t we missing the baap of all desi dialogues – “Khandaan ki naak katwa dee tumne” –
hmm.. have heard that one before.
From Yahoo Audibles:
K*lm*h*y, tenu isie liye paal-paus ke vaddaa kitta si.
Well, I think mom’s are always there to understand. I thank my family and friends. I came out to them and have been extremely supportive. My mom was the last to know. When I told her she looked at me and hugged me. She’s said she will always love me no matter what. She cried becuz she was like why didn’t you ever tell me. What did i do wrong that you didnt feel comfortable talking to me about what you were feeling. I think the only thing i regret is not trusting her enough to tell her. But it’s hard when it comes to telling something so deep. Something that you kept in for sooooooo long. I will always love my family and friends.