What To Do When A Friend ‘Comes Out’

The answer is simple. If you are truly sympathetic and supportive, you let it show. You can do it without saying a thing. Just for posterity, I’m going to tell you about two ‘coming-out’ conversations that I’ve been a part of. Each one is a sweet memory, a verbal token that a friend trusted me and shared something deeply personal.

Telling All

He’s a pal, a friend from the times when ‘chaddi-buddy’ was both a literal and figurative description of the relationship. He’s family in that way where I can call him over to cook for me when I’m hungry, make him sit through a rerun of an old Tamizh movie he doesn’t understand and he cribs and complains all the time but does it all anyway.

One Sunday morning, I called him and demanded that he meet me for an early morning movie. He cribbed but he turned up anyhow. And since we hadn’t talked in over a year, I tossed out a ‘what’s news’ line. It led into an unexpected conversation.

How are things?

What things?

You know…are you dating anybody? How’s the dil ka haal, that kind of stuff. I haven’t heard you talk about any women.

I haven’t liked any women.

Turn left here. What were you saying?

Nothing.

It wasn’t nothing. Tell all!

I said, I haven’t liked any woman.

Ah.

What?

Nothing.

Really?

Well…that’s all?

Hmm.

Ah.

Then the movie started and we were both absorbed in it. Later, over lunch, he referred back to the conversation and asked me what I thought. I said,

I think you’re going to pay for lunch. I paid for the movie after all and I’m broke now.

A Silly Girl

The second time was a chat converation with the girl in this post. At the time of writing it, she hadn’t said anything but I knew she had read the post anyway. She went off for a pee-break and when she returned, abruptly typed,

You wrote one post about your gay friend.

Trepedition. Fear. Mischief. I decided to play safe and just replied,

Yesss?

Who was that about?

Ha! I thought and I typed back,

A very silly girl I know and adore.

:-).

Then I went off for lunch. A month later, we were having coffee when she suddenly piped up,

And I told her that you wrote a post about me!

My turn to grin.

Who says laughter and fun can’t be a part of important conversations?

About the author

Ideasmith

IdeaSmith is the online avatar of Ramya, an ex-business analyst on sabbatical. Her verbal performances air at www.theideasmithy.com and www.thexxfactor.net She’s the resident devil’s advocate and the straight face of Gaysi. She believes in straight talk (though not straight-jacketing) but finds herself getting lost in the grey twilight zone of human relationships and sexuality. She wonders what makes us really different and comes to the conclusion that it’s the same thing that distinguishes one human being from another – black hair or blonde, blue eyes or brown, tall or short, vivacious or quiet, energetic or placid, gay or straight? Your pick, come as you are.