It was 8 o’clock and dark outside. There was no wind blowing and the body was tired from the run. That’s when it struck. The wave of longing. It suggested a dry yearning for someone out of reach. It had been 30 days and 20 hours exactly when I had last seen her. But it seemed like years. A millennium, even.
I turned towards the bathroom for a cold shower. Pouring the gel on the loofah reminded me of our last shower together. Gentle rub on the back and the inside of the thighs. The gentleness. It was rare of her to be this gentle. Yes, I was surprised.
I had reached to turn off the shower and felt burdened. I had no idea or hunch of when we would meet again but I knew it wouldn’t happen standing naked in the bathroom. It could only come in its own time. I knew from experience that all I could do was relax and stay receptive. I let my thoughts wander to the moment when we would meet again. I thought of our love-making. Yes, It was satisfying but arduous. A 2 hour flight to her city with the useless pre-requisite of reaching the airport an hour before. And the damn airport was some 50 miles away.
Every thought of missing her meant planning every second of what would happen when we met. It involved penning down, inch by inch, movements to her mouth. Smothering her with deep kisses, discovering every corner with my cold hands, making adjustments to the untamed desire… Lying in silence and feeling her hands over me. Her long legs intertwined in mine. Her mouth over the nape of my neck & finally my voice uttering her name in between those heavy breaths. Touching her at the right places to take away the awareness of reality. Falling into a luxurious sprawl and feeling her in me. The clock struck 10 and I had imagined everything by then. Everything that was perfect. Everything that was not to happen. For I knew from experience that those moments carried their own scale and rhythm.
Whenever I imagined it to be sweet love-making, it was wild and crazy. And every time I yearned for divine love making, it was the gentlest of kisses to break my spell and bring me to reality.
Crazy thoughts! I thought and rolled on to the bed and looked hard at the ceiling. My only proper business at the moment was to think sensible things. I thought about work, my meetings with the vendor tomorrow morning, my music classes, my test lined up for the weekend, my appraisal review with the manager, the day after. I did not wish to indulge in tormenting fantasies now. This choice was a comfort and I pulled the pillow closer and in no time I was gone.
Work. Music. Morning run. Her. Work. Her. Her. Her!