I had been busy for the last two days, packing, shopping, arranging all necessary documents & we hardly had time to sit together and spend some memorable moments before we parted, that too, a day before her 23rd B’day.
The next day, she accompanied me to the airport. She looked at me with a devilish grin, but what caught my eyes really made my heart skip a beat. She was wearing the same churidaar that we had shopped together at Globus in Bandra. Her eyes were shining and so were her lips…next moment, I wanted to bend forward and steal some of its shine and take it along with me to the city of sky scrapers, London. O boy, she looked damn beautiful. I had to stop myself…
We had known one another for more than a year, working in the same organization, and sharing the same company accommodation. We easily discovered comfort in one another’s company. We were introduced through a common contact and very soon our professional relationship crossed personal boundaries and when exactly we got so involved, was hard to tell. She had a boy-friend, still my heart ditched my mind and went after her from the very first moment my eyes fell on her. We were always spotted together, buying veggies, going for beach walk at Juhu, weekend movies. We missed Nariman Point, somehow.
On my return to Mumbai, I took the major decision of moving in with her, which she requested. I considered it an obligation since she was not keeping well and her mom was supposed to come and stay with her. We stayed in the company provided accommodation, where 1BHK was shared by 2 bachelors. And her mom was supposed to stay for a longer period.
Of course, her mom knew nothing about us. And very soon, I started missing our late night warm chats and hugs. How surprising..!! We always used to find time for one another when we were not staying together but under the same roof I failed to remember a single instance when she might have asked, ‘how was your day’, etc. I was already questioning if it was the right decision to move in.
Her mom would often share what kind of son-in-law she was looking for, much to my annoyance – which I had to carefully hide. It was the first time I realized that something had gone wrong inside me. I always knew she had a boy-friend, and she is very much into men, and she has to get married one fine day. I always knew this. Then why was I complaining? She was spending more and more time at work, and whatever little time she could get, was consumed in the company of her mom. I had already started missing the company of my mom, seeing them both together and I felt completely left-out. Though in the weekends, we used to go out, we never found any private time together.
This was starting to unsettle to me. I wish I’d have known the kind of negativity that was engulfing my heart and mind earlier, many things that went wrong afterwards, could have been rectified. Later on a series of events occurred, which completely shattered not just my professional aspirations but brought disgrace to my family, who never deserved it. I had not yet come out to them. I could never tell them how it all happened. But still they all stood by me, placing complete blind faith in me, just like any other family who cares. It took me a lot of time to overcome the initial set-back, and then I realized after much introspection and soul searching, that family is one’s biggest support. My response to a number of events were quite indicative that I was mostly acting under the influence of emotional impulses, rather than carefully and rationally observing the situation which eventually went out of control and later exploded, burning almost everything. I was convinced that it was time to give a single face to my two avatars, even though one was never supposed to acknowledge the existence of the mighty other.
This was what going on in my mind while I came across the GaysiFamily blog-a combination of Gaysi+Family. Was He really listening to my wishes? I wondered.
I love everything about the blog and its team. I was jumping with excitement. Reading the blog became everyday routine for me, after coming from work at night. It helped. Loved MJ’s punches, Broom’s prudence, Sasha’s Wet Wednesdays…. It really helped. How, you may ask? I am finally out to my family, though my parents keep checking on me indirectly, whenever I visit them. Overall, I feel more connected with them.
It was the beginning…but a long way to go.
I am reminded to quote a line from one of the ghazal by famous ghazal icon Jagjit’s – “Naye parindon ko udney mein waqt to lagta hai…!!” [Translated, it goes something like, It takes time for fledgling birds to take their maiden flight]
Being with someone is the most beautiful phase in one’s life. Guard it well, both from outside and inside. Sometimes, we meet the kind of people who approach us to win our loyalty and trust for petty personal or professional gains, and after spotting our weaknesses, they play their master-strokes. They stick with us, until they spot someone else, who could prove to be far more beneficial compared to us. And yeah, everything we had with that kind is tagged as ‘Friendship’. And they wont take the risk of shutting us out completely…they might capitalize on us in the near or distant future. After all, they know us pretty-well.
From my experience I have learnt that its not easy to keep professional and personal boundaries intact. They do cross over many a times. But yes, we shall always know when exactly to draw the line.