Shobhna Kumar from “Queer Reads” tells us all about it here [Link]
Ok peeps, Now I know you are wondering what this title has to do with Shobhna Kumar. Actually something and nothing.
First of all, I think this is a remarkable thing she has done in India. Hats off Shobhna! We are with you. Lez we can!
Regathering my thought now
Have you, while visiting a B&N or a Borders store ever went across to the “Gay & Lesbian” section and looked around to make sure before you stepped inside. And of course all other Q related stuff gets tagged here. And have you noticed how “Woman’s and Gender studies” is there in the same aisle too. In my coming to age (I mean to terms with myself) years, I have wondered and got lost a many times about where I should search for Trans related stuff. I would presume Gender studies, right? NO, apparently not! Kind of beats my logic.
Anyhoo.
Yes! that was me 5 years back. There was a time when I was scared and working on my issues and it mattered to me if anyone would see me walk into THAT aisle. I was filled with doubt and shame – Thanks to the overpowering sense of prejudice and worthlessness cast upon me by the society.
But over the years, things have changed a lot. I feel proud now and I feel confident (and sometimes with a need to provoke) going up to the woman at the front desk and asking her if she can help me find the book.
However, I have had the look from some fellow Indians who when they notice me in THIS section, the look on their faces with a “I am going to rape you with my eyes” stare is OMG, here she is – A sinner. I am sure she is going to hell look. Or, may be I mean in Indian Culture do these people really exist?
The answer is Yes my dear and since we are talking about culture, I think its high time you read upon the story of Sikhandi. And also, since you brought the topic of Hell, “I will see you there“.
Or, they just avoid the whole aisle altogether and walk in the adjoining one. Which of course perplexes me and makes me wonder – Is it about the insecurity with their own sexuality and/or gender identity? Or, are they thinking if it would be highly contagious to walk through here, because the gay bug might bite their ass.
More recently, at a coffee shop, an Indian dad whom I think is visiting his son & grand kids was staring at me for a whole minute. All this when I was sitting in a corner enjoying my coffee and reading my book. For a second, I felt like a total weirdo. A minute longer, I would have called the cops. Please people, don’t stare! I know we look gorgeous but please spare us that look. That said, I have always found smiling at them diffuses a lot of tension and at many a time makes the other person feel busted with a need to rush out of that place.
Adios!
xoxo (I...
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lol.
What is it with Indians and staring? There is an aunty in my gym that keeps.on.staring and staring.
We are just built this way. Anything that goes against “our” sensibilities, we “stare”. But yes, smiling does help and other times just say the word “chuti**”.
At Crossword in Malad, I wanted to pick that AIDSutra red book from the shelf, and once I went through the index, I really wanted to buy it. But it took me 45min to finally get it billed. As a confession, I was very conscious, despite the fact that money spent on it was actually contributed to the NGO working for HIV patients.
For me, never even pass smile to another lady who is smiling at u at ladies compartment that too in the Central Trains. Before you shall know, she would charge u with some uncomfortable questions that too smiling, while others just enjoying that situation, and waiting for making it more enjoyable. 
I was so flushed. She was just curious. 
Yea, staring is a common phenonmenon, irrespective of the site: shopping place, or local train. And smile is a good shield but sometimes it exposes an unguardedopen passage for the real curious and mischievous types – plural. Ye personal experience se bata ra hun
The one time I feel conscious about holding my girl friends hand or being affectionate with her is when I see desis around me. I feel all their eyes on me & I feel judged. Part of this is probably just me, projecting, but still! :/
Great article, Rashmi ! I agree with Broom’s thoughts on this one – When I see Indians around I know I am being judged. Regardless.
My prior two visits to India I have managed to go into two widely popular bookstores in my city and walk out buying some interesting gay literature …yes, I had to venture into “that” section… but I felt completely ok doing it. Not to mention feeling incredibly cool and liberal
Its as much a personal transition as one for those around us, I guess.
@ everyone: I think its how long people stare that throws me off. But most of the times I find is our own internalisation of the fear that we will not be accepted. Since I started going out with a “F you” attitude, I have cared less. More lately, I have found myself provoking. I go right in front of moms with kids and smile at the kids. I think they should see that we exist. If the parents want to blindfold them they can.Poor kids!
They have Q section in Indian bookstores. Cool. I will find that out soon. Actually, I am planning to go talk to the proprietors and ask some questions abt their Q collection…I am going to use Gaysi’s name. So Broom, MJ if you see some traffic in the next week or so, treat me!
staying in university town, most of the fellow indians i run into are grad and masters students , so nothing captivates their attention for more than 30 secs. On a unrelated note, i normally found fellow indians to follow the proper etiquette when they are alone. (even the conversations they had with me are very friendly). Its only when they are in a group of 3 or more that i need to activate my defense shields.