Pink money is flowing in. There are so many queer themed parties in the city and it is difficult to make a choice. The apple bar party every Tuesday, the sink sight Ladies night – every Friday and oh the starry ones with expats, every fortnight. Where there was a dearth of avenues to meet queer people, suddenly you find yourself with many choices. Sexy, isn’t it?
Not really. Yes, we know the unique issues concerning queer community like coming out, internalized homophobia, socialization, dating, intimacy and so much more. Yes, we queer people tend to segregate our lives; being in the closet at work or with our families, and being out of the closet only when at home or with friends. And within this context such parties and spaces can be a liberating experience for many who are still struggling with acceptance of their identity and have few people to openly discuss their feelings with. For many others this means a chance to be who we are, free of judgement, without inviting raised eyebrows from our straight peers. An intimate dance with my girl on the floor and I could die with joy. We meet new people, share ideas, talk about different things and the world looks too good to be true. Can you sense a ‘but’ coming?
Once upon a time, we were invisible. Not absent but invisible. And we needed some love, some touch, some pleasure and yes, some sex. The hope of meeting another gay person was all we needed to survive.
Although much has changed since then in the queer community, has anything changed about our hopelessness and neediness to be with someone ? Funny, but some of us are just taken aback by the little attention we get. The spot light is on us when the sexy hostess of the L Party chooses to give us a lap dance. Amidst the teasing & playfulness; we wonder if will lead to something meaningful or if it just about getting into each other pants. At other times, we spot a prospect and the chase begins. Suitable or not, worthy or undeserving – heck, who cares! As long as she is hot and pleases my imagination; the pursuit is on, baby. There seems to be need and desperation breathing down every neck. From one night stands to partner swinging to the height of all desires: the menage a trois.. we are everywhere… Most lesbians are leading the life of the gay men of 80’s . Also, there is a marked emphasis on sexuality & physicality in the queer community, giving the impression that most of us are predominantly interested in the sexual aspects of being gay. Also the key to social acceptance and contentment appears to be, being highly attractive.
Given these facts, are these social gatherings truly liberating? Aren’t we abusing the secure space we created for ourselves? Instead of having healthy fun and giving time for a friendship to blossom or for a casual dating situation to develop into something more meaningful, we have been spoilt in the face of more fish in the sea and choose to hop and hop and yet hop again. To me it feels like we’re paying a bigger price! Am I making inaccurate generalizations here?
What do you think fellow gaysis?