Couple: MissZero and Gingey. M-zee is the gaysi half, the Gingey is the self-described “white half”. She claims iridescence in the dark, and M-zee confirms this.
Where and how did you two meet?
G: Rugby practice. She had fancy white cleats. And it was muddy out. And I asked her what her name was about 50 times in the span of 1 minute, because I couldn’t pronounce it or remember it.
M-zee: I just showed up one day, and Gingey was really nice to me, if a little slow in figuring my name out. And she was wearing this weird jersey thing, so I thought she was the referee, and I was really confused as to why a ref would be at practice.
Was it love at first sight?
G: Um….*shrugs* I think I thought she was cute, but I also thought she was straight. A cute, straight girl.
M-zee: Love? No. But I thought she was cute too. Except she seemed like this uber-lesbian who would want nothing to do with me, because I was on the inexperienced end of the spectrum and all that.
Who asked out ask who first? How did it happen? Tell us!
M-zee: So there was a rugby party…
G: And some drinking. And other activities.
M-zee: Basically, somehow, I ended up holding her hand. I think I made up some junk about being able to read palms, and then I just didn’t let go
G: And she magically ended up staying over
M-zee: G disappeared to the bathroom, and I brilliantly suggested watching The L Word when she came back 😉 But for the record, the first kiss wasn’t until the next morning, when everyone was sober. We laid like 2 inches apart from each other for a good half hour, both of us too nervous to make the first move. And then I finally pounced, more or less.
G: Pounced? Haha. And then we made out for half the day
M-zee: And it was the weirdest day of my life! Because my bhangra team had to give a performance, our debut performance, that night. And I was so frazzled/excited that I couldn’t get dressed to save my life, and they kept trying to get me to tie turbans and pin chunnis and I couldn’t even comb my own hair without freaking out.
How long have you guys been together?
G: Almost 10 months
Relationships are lot of work, aren’t they?
Gingey: Yes. It takes a lot of communication
M-zee: I’m really, really talkative, and gingey is not. I mean, she talks, but only once you get her to open up. So if there’s ever conflict or anything, which happens when you’re in a relationship for a long time, it’s difficult sometimes for both of us to take the other’s style into account. But I think we both care about each other enough that we work through things.
Is this the first relationship for the both of you or have you guys dated/been in relationships before?
m-zee: I’ve dated guys before, but I’d never dated a girl – I was way too chicken to ask a girl out or anything, even though I knew I wanted to
G: Yeah, it’s my first relationship. I’d never met anyone I wanted to be in a relationship with prior to m-zee. I mean, I’d see attractive people but be like, meh, it would never have worked out.
m-zee: It’s funny, because we liked each other for almost 4 months prior to actually getting together, but neither of us knew that the other one was interested. So basically, 4 months of hilarious torture hoping/wishing/praying that the other would notice us, and then finally it randomly came together. Which is good, because I’d probably STILL be too chicken to ask her out.
G: Me too!
The stereotype for gay men is ‘one night stands’ and the stereotype for lesbians is ‘u-haul on the second date’. Where do you ladies fit in to these two extreme stereotypes?
G: At first, we just hung out for a couple hours when we were both done with classes and whatever else we did. We started dating in April, and by the end of the term we were spending more time together, but we still didn’t spend the night together at all on school nights or anything. And then we spent the entire summer apart.
M-zee: We spent almost 3 months apart, but it worked out! We got to know each other more, as people. And as far as not being the u-haul type, I think we were both really aware of the stereotypes and wanted to avoid them. This being a first for both of us, I think we both were aware of where we didn’t want our relationship to go.
Are you guys out to your families? Do they know about your relationship? How did you tell them and what was their reaction?
M-zee: Ha. I think I’ve sort of chronicled my experiences with coming out on gaysi. My parents know (but choose to ignore) that I’m not straight. But they don’t know about my relationship with G. I think they’d totally freak out and stop paying for college (again), so….I don’t think I’ll be telling them anytime soon.
G: I’m out to my parents, and they know about my relationship with m-zee. I came out to my parents a couple years ago by springing it on my mom after a birthday visit…5 minutes before she left. She wasn’t happy, but she wasn’t sad either. I told my dad when I told both of my parents that I was dating MissZero, over lunch. They’d met her earlier, but in the context of being “a friend”. My mom’s reaction was “I knew it!”, whereas my dad said nothing, but later on asked if I was trying to shock him.
M-zee: We just visited G’s parents for a weekend for her mom’s retirement party. I was super nervous about it, but they were really nice and I enjoyed spending time with them. Granted, I was introduced as “friend” to other family friends, and I was in a separate bedroom, but I was totally fine with that. I think it always takes time for parents to adjust.
How about your friends? Are you out to them?
M-zee: Mostly. Basically, I’m out to all of my non-indian friends. I don’t really go around wearing rainbow shirts, but I don’t actively try to hide it from anyone but the Indian folk on campus either.
Do you guys live together?
G: Not officially, but we might as well
M: I have my own apartment, but I spend most nights with G. It sort of just makes sense. We have sort of opposite schedules in some ways, and spending the night is how we get to actually spend time together. I bring my homework over and if I need quiet, I’ll sit upstairs and work while G plays video games downstairs.
How do you guys deal with your cultural differences?
G: M-zee’s Indian, but she’s just…m-zee. And she eats different food. But I like her for who she is. I don’t really think much about the cultural differences, I guess
M-zee: It’s a good thing G likes Indian food. I grew up in the states, so I suppose in some ways, the cultural differences are minimized. But I’m still very, very Indian. Like G said, I eat different food. And sometimes I wear different clothes and –
G: I like your outfits.
M-zee: I feel bad when I can’t hold G’s hand sometimes. Like if I see other brown people. Or if I feel like there are brown people around. And it sucks, because I adore her, and I’m proud of the fact that this gorgeous woman is my girlfriend and I want to hold her hand all the time, but I feel compelled not to. Which sucks. And sometimes I worry about the fact that my family isn’t likely to accept our relationship anytime soon, and it would be hard to choose between my family and the person I love. But I try not to let those things get in the way.
G: It doesn’t bother me at all that she can’t hold my hand in public sometimes though. Because I know she still loves me. I just go with the flow.
Have you experienced first hand homophobia?
G: No, not directed at me. But I’ve been around homophobic people who say homophobic things. Like some members of my family.
M-zee: I’ve also never experienced it blatantly directed at me, but I’ve seen lots of it. Predominantly by desis, actually. I’ll be at bhangra practice and if someone doesn’t like something, it’s not because its “stupid”, it’s because it’s “gay”. And I hate when people use sexual identity in a derogatory fashion, but I also don’t feel like I can speak up in that environment.
Do you guys believe in marriage? Would you ever want to get married?
G: Yeah, I believe in some form of marriage-like union.
M-zee: Definitely. I totally dream about this super Indian, super lesbian wedding. How sweet would that be? Not only would it be groundbreaking, but it would just be lots of fun. At the same time, I can’t imagine a whole lot of Hindu priests that would be thrilled at the idea of performing a traditional ceremony for a non-traditional couple. And my family would freak out, majorly. So yes, I can see myself getting married but I don’t know if it will be a full-on Indian wedding.
Do you think, in our lifetime, India will allow Gay marriages?
M-zee: I won’t claim to be optimistic about it, but I certainly hope so. Basic civil rights are the first step to acceptance. India recognizing same-sex couples’ rights would be monumental.
G: I don’t really know anything about Indian civil rights and gay marriage. But I think that countries that are not the US have a lot greater chance of passing those kinds of laws. They seem to be able to “get over it” – like whatever their issues are with gay marriage. Other countries seem to have a better track record of giving those rights. I’d say that India would allow it before the US in my lifetime, because the US has a whole host of issues where it concerns gay marriage, and unfortunately, those issues don’t seem like they’ll be resolved anytime soon.
Any relationship advice?
G: Talk it out. If you have any problems/issues/concerns/things you want to try, talk about them
M-zee: Don’t be stubborn. I’m admittedly one of the most stubborn people on the planet, and so is G. Fortunately, we tend to be on the same side of most everything. But if we ever end up on opposite sides, we can lock horns a bit. But I think it’s important to remember that being right isn’t everything. I’d rather be wrong and have a girlfriend than be right and be dumped for it :-p
G: We tend to laugh about our arguments.
M-zee: Ooh! Yeah, I think it’s important to laugh together and set aside special time to get out and experience new things.