(The text below was also performed extempore at Queer Ink’s Open Mike for QAM 2011)
I think every straight girl should have atleast one Lesbian friend. Why?
a) Well, for starters, we make for great cheer leaders. Imagine having a chica — PR person, body guard, girl friday — all rolled into one
b) Who else would spend hours sitting outside the changing room looking for clothes your size, while you try half the world inside? And to top it, patiently give you advice and make critical observations!
c) Three words: Vaginal Wash, Masturbation, Brazilian. We have all the answers to the questions you can’t ask anyone! Not even Cosmo!!!
d) The best reason, IMHO: We won’t make goo- goo eyes at your boy friend, prospective make out partner, lover on the side, ex — anything male! You, possibly may have to work harder in fact, to make sure that we get along with your boyfriends because we are spending so much time fighting over you! Doesn’t that make you happy princess?
e) We might even sit down you current boy and give him a few home truths about what you like in bed. Especially, if you share with us all the gory details.
f) Anything to do with cars, gadgets, bulbs, alcohol, electronics — we are the walking talking dummy guides! Yah girl, we know how to zap things out.
g) We will throw you the best surprise parties, coz we love a good time! And we love to make you smile:)
h) Your boss was a meanie! Your mom yelled at you… Dude, we will blow it out of proportion. Even bigger than Big Boss 4. After all, who better at drama than us dykes!
i) We remember every teeny/tiny detail you mentioned– how you like your cuppa chai with a single cube of sugar, with just one teaspoon of milk. Why conditioner should be in a tube and not in a bottle… and every eccentric little detail that has the potential to make you happy!
j) And in case, you may be in that moment to swing onto the wild side — we will be warm, gentle and willing as you explore your curious desire!
What more could you ask for?