A Fiction That Wasn’t

“These feelings wont go away…
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways…
They’ve been knockin’ me out lately
Whenever you come around me.
These feelings wont go away…
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways…
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away.”

It’s 2.35 am.
I wake up with her in my head.
She has no face, for I have never seen her.
But I know it’s her.
Those are words we haven’t spoken yet, but those are her words.
I know because when I wake up, I feel the peace within.
There is a crow on the neem tree outside. Its cawing now enters my subconscious, scattering her voiceless words, dissolving the peace.
I haven’t moved an inch.
Barely blinked an eye.
Staring straight ahead, I try and hang on to her for as long as I can.
But the crow wins and she fades.
I close my eyes.
I think of her.
Our conversations are endless.
The scenarios keep changing.
No relationship could be better.
I drift off.
I lose her perhaps – I don’t know. There is a break in what I remember and what I don’t.

Its 4.20 am.
Our bodies lie close together.
I can smell her.
I can feel the skin, strangely cool.
Its dark and I cant see her face.
I turn. Our mouths are only a breath away.
I can feel the kiss.
I feel the sudden warmth.
I can feel my heart stop.
I wake up. Unblinking.
Scared to swallow lest I lose the taste of her mouth.
I want more.
I play the scene over and over again until I can no longer feel her breath on mine.
I close my eyes.

Its 6.15 am.
The crows caw. I hear them loud and clear. But she’s still here.
And so is the song.
I haven’t opened my eyes. I haven’t given up my dream.
She says something.
I cant hear her voice because I have never heard her.
But those are her words.
I’m sure of that.
Because she is speaking straight to my heart.

These feelings wont go away…
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways…

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