Change [Part II]

We hugged. I cried with relief. Knowing I finally had someone I called family on my side. Knowing I wasn’t rejected for something that had not been my choice. Hearing I wouldn’t be loved any less.

“Hmm. That’s it,” I said, feeling numb, like I was having an out of body experience.

I turned to look at her. To see how she was reacting.

“I knew it. I knew it 2 years back. I asked A. She said no.”

It was my turn to be surprised. A was my best friend and she had mentioned nothing about this to me.

“You did?”

“Yes.”

We spoke about it. Discussed. She asked how I was so sure about how I felt. I told her it wasn’t a decision I had taken overnight. That it had taken me years to understand and accept this. That it had been just a little over a year since I had admitted it to myself. That it wasn’t a choice I had made. She took it well. Better than I had expected. No tears. Just two adults talking. She suggested that maybe I need to see a counselor. That maybe it was a mental block. She felt that it was normal for women to experiment. Even she had. I resisted the urge to pursue that confession and instead told her how I was sure about what I prefer. That there was no block. There had been no abuse or any other incident to make me feel this way. That I had been introspecting and thinking about it since I was 20 years old.

We hugged. I cried with relief. Knowing I finally had someone I called family on my side. Knowing I wasn’t rejected for something that had not been my choice. Hearing I wouldn’t be loved any less.

Today morning she revealed that she had told her husband. I cringed, because I had asked her not to. But I was surprised yet again. Apparently, he was very accepting as well. He told her that they should be supportive of me, no matter what. That it wasn’t something I had chosen and therefore it shouldn’t stop me from enjoying my life. He wants the three of us to sit down and talk.

I walked around the house, with a smile on my face. Thinking. Imagining. It felt as if a whole new world had opened up. I might have someone I can call my own. I wouldn’t have to hide. I would have a home. A family of two, maybe three. And my sister would come visit. Continue to be part of my life. Her family and mine.  Anything was possible. Everything was possible. I was free to live. I was free to be me.

I have never been happier. I have never felt lighter. I have never felt more alive. And the future has never been clearer. I can see it now.

And it’s filled with hope, joy and love.

 

About the author

Lady Jughead

Lady Jughead lives and writes in the city she loves and hates, Bombay. Without meaning to and harbouring mixed feelings about it (You’ll see the irony in just a bit), she’s forever wandering in the murkiness that exists between straight and gay, clear and clueless, butch and femme, cute and hot, and genius and insane. All of which leave her with a question that often occupies a significant portion of her cognitive capacity – is she Just Perfect or is she falling fast into the deep chasm of obscurity called Just Average?