The love between two women reaches a point of being far deeper than any other as it encircles its self in not just being lovers but also sharing, shopping, spa – salon time, movies, games, pubs and finds its roots deep in a friendship. This makes it beautiful, enriching and a truly fulfilling companionship. But the age old question arises: Why does it not last? Why don’t lesbian relationships become life long partnerships?
I look around and find that not just many wonder the same but there are a lot of us struggling to make it. Are relationships dependent on legal and social bindings to last a life time? Does a straight relationship convert into a life long partnership because of the legally binding obligation on both partners compounded by social and family pressures? If this isn’t true, then what makes them last?
Perhaps the right question is, what makes them break?
I looked around and asked a few lesbian friends and most of them were not very sure either. Some of the answers that I got were:
“We were not right for each other.”
“The age difference was not workable.”
“She wants to have children.”
“She is still dealing with sexuality issues.”
“Not sure, it just did not work out.”
“We just wanted to have fun!”
Will it always be… too young… too far…too instable…too difficult…?
Can I still dream of holding her hand and looking into her eyes and knowing clearly in my heart, we are right for each other? Can there be a solution other than alcohol, to all the stress we lesbians live with? Can we ever find the real joys of being lesbians and living fulfilling lives so stop seeking transient pleasures to fill our empty lives with?
Despite everything, I am happy and fulfilled and I love to party and I think I am truly thrilled about being a lesbian and all it has to offer.
However when I look around my closest relationships or examine those of lesbian friends it just makes me wonder… will I ever find someone that will make me feel “Till death do us apart….”
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wow…I don’t think it could have been said any better. It’s absolutely sad, but I think it might be true that straight relationships lasts longer because of the legal boundary and cost of divorce. But, I really wish that people didn’t give up on each other just because there is no legal document. Not having a legal doc just makes it easier to say “we were not right for each other,” but deep down I really it was not like that…Well written tho!
I don’t think it’s lesbian relationships as much as relationships in general that fall apart. It feels like straight relationships work and last a lifetime more b’cuz you’re looking at the majority than anything else. Given the size of the straight and non-straight community, it’s just easier to think that lesbian relationships are doomed to fail. The reason being you see it happening more often. And of course, we also have the years of conditioning that dictates what’s acceptable and expected behaviour, not to mention society’s stamp of approval – both of which exert tremendous pressure in keeping a straight couple together. But you know what? Divorces are getting more and more common.
And let’s not even begin to talk about Gay relationships
But yes, I agree with Lady J, these issues are not just limited to lesbian relationships, they happen in the straight world too. Often, straight relationships survive because of the inequality ( women are “supposed” to be tolerant, patient, persistent etc..) or because they have social, legal bindings ( “It sucks, but what about the kids?”). I am glad queer relationships don’t have these factors holding them. Whatever we have is out of love and short or long, they are filled with respect and equality.
Also many queer relationships get stronger with time and I believe there is “Till death do us apart” in our relationships too. With every ex, we learn something and eventually our failures help us to be successful, when we find the right person.
Good luck!