Tips For Healthy Lesbian Living

Since I have the perfect credentials and a clean heart to get away with it, my dear ladies, I present to you a handy list of lesbian guidelines

Since I have the perfect credentials and a clean heart to get away with it, my dear ladies, I present to you a handy list of lesbian guidelines. It’s an attempt at improving the basic nitty-gritty of your Queer life. Follow them and I assure you, you’ll find less trouble and more action.

  • Necessity : For the sake of the poor soul next to you, please use a deodorant. One cannot place more importance on personal hygiene. Yes, body sweat has its attraction but it has its time and place. And no, Pepper spray doesn’t cut the bill.
  • Get it Right : There is a huge difference between “I love you” & “I am in love with you”.
  • Thought for Everyday : There’s plenty of Fish in the sea.
  • Silent Rule : An ex is nothing but bad news, at least for the first 3 years after breaking up. After that, they are potential candidates.
  • Tip Off : S-E-X is good. And with the help of our extended family a.k.a. Lubricants & Special Toys, the wOw effect is easily attainable. So stop being a rigid bitch and get with the act.
  • Understand : Being obsessive/desperate isn’t exactly an attractive quality. It will take you no further than getting banned on various Social Networks and perhaps even, a visit to the nearest Police Station.
  • Preachy : Always “Be yourself”. But wearing your Gay best friend’s khaki chaddi (shorts) to a date is taking it too far. We have dress codes for a reason.
  • Exaggeration : Love, Relationships, Monogamy and such like.
  • Meant To Be : Is not applicable just because she added you to her BBM (or WhatsApp) list.
  • Not a Sin : Waxing/Shaving of bodily hair will do no harm to your feminist views.
  • Fact : Open Relationship simply means “You can do me”.
  • Off-Limit : Katrina Kaif. She’s mine!

 

Please feel free to agree. And when disagreeing, just remember I’m the boss here and have the authority to ban your IP address. Permanently*.

*Editor’s note: She’s kidding. (MJ, you don’t scare me!)

About the author

MJ

Now 30, 100% shudh desi lesbian. Likes living large, and on the edge. Dislikes stagnation, fence sitting and hypocrites. Lives in a bubble of joy, with occasional lapses into drama queendom. Currently nursing a massive crush on actress Chitrangada Singh (kind of eerie, her resemblance to the late Smita Patil, don’t you think?). Aspires to build a fully functional support system for the Gaysi community in India. And most importantly, top the 'Hottest eligible desi-lezzie' list one bright sunny day.