Hello there, Straight man
Let me make this clear. This is not to express any form of hatred towards men. I don’t hate you. This is just a quick guide to things you should never say to your lesbian friends or any lesbian. NEVER. It just offends us or makes us uncomfortable. Remember how you felt when someone called your “little brother” too tiny and hence concluded you can’t be good in bed or how you felt when your masculinity was questioned simply because you don’t play a sport or work out. Angry and annoyed as to how stupid and ignorant people can be. Yes. That is exactly how we feel when you ask us any of the following questions. So, if you don’t wish to get beaten up by a lesbian and if you don’t want to lose your “man-parts”, never use any of the following statements while conversing with a lesbian:
1. You just haven’t met the right man.
The most popular line. I have met a lot of men. All kinds of men. A lot of my close friends are straight men and so are a lot of my acquaintances. In a country where the sex ratio of male: female is 100:92 you assume that I wouldn’t have met any nice men? I just know for a fact, that I am not attracted to men. Please, don’t give me the right man line again. I am attracted to women. Mentally and Physically. No man can be “the one” for me.
2. It’s just a phase.
You barely even know me or even if you do know me, who on earth gives you the right to decide my sexual orientation is “just a phase”? Why do you claim to know me better than myself? You don’t.
3. So… you don’t do men?
Err, Les-bi-an. Definition: n. A woman whose sexual orientation is to women.
4. You’re too pretty to be gay.
Right. So according to you only ugly or mediocre looking women can be gay. The pretty/hot ones have to be straight?! Is it written in some “rule book”? Also, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. I might just look downright ugly to another man. So even if we go by your logic and follow this imaginary rule book, how would anyone classify women as- “Pretty and straight” or “Ugly and gay”??
5. Can I watch?
Now just because I am a lesbian, it doesn’t mean I am oversexed. No. Gay people’s lives don’t revolve around sex. And no, what makes you think I would want you watch me in bed?!? Lesbian porn is FAKE. No, we do not like men watching us or joining us in our bed.
6. So who is the woman in the relationship?
Breaking news. We are both women. Don’t stereotype us like straight couples and expect one of us to be masculine and the other person to be feminine. It is offensive.
7. You don’t look like a lesbian.
Really? You’re an expert. You know how lesbians look and obviously you assume, all of us look or behave or dress up in a similar fashion. Yes, we also do wear a name-tag saying “Lesbian”.
8. Oh damn! Now I have competition from a woman!
Ok. Seriously. What?! Now, just because I am a lesbian it does not mean I would flirt with every other woman I meet. Please, go ahead and flirt with every woman you want to. I am not going to steal them away.
9. So, how do you do it in bed?
Turned on, aren’t you? I just can’t understand as to why men get so excited with the idea of two women making out. Fine, you do. But what makes you think, you can ask a woman intimate details, as to what she does in bed and get away with it?
10. When did you choose to become one?
Ah. When I was 20, because I was bored and I wanted change. Arrrgh! It is not a choice. Wikipedia search Homosexuality please. When did you choose to be straight?
11. Why? Do you hate men so much?
No. I don’t hate men. Most of my close friends are straight men and I love them. However I do hate it when men you like you annoy me with questions like these.
12. A woman can’t satisfy you like a man.
Right. Me being a lesbian has nothing to do with any man. I know a lot of nice men, who are everything a woman would ever want. Breaking News- I like women. How would you react if I said you can’t satisfy a woman like I can? Yes, that is how offensive it is.
With this, I finish my list. I just want you to understand that, I am a woman who likes women. That does not change the fact that I am a woman. It also does not mean, I hate men. I am attracted to women, just like you are. Deal with it.