Long distance relationships are hard. People have told me that before. But fuck, I never knew how hard till a few months back. Great conversations and intellectual stimulation keep you going. But there’s only so far you can use those two to prod your relationship along. But what comes after you’ve pushed it as far as it can go? What next? How do you sustain it? This is exactly what I’m finding out every single day. And here are some epiphanies that can go a long way in bridging the gaps in long distance relationships.
1. All Talk, No Touch: Expect a lot of raging fights, impulsive break-ups, and emotional outbursts. They will always, always be there. So stock up on understanding and patience. Being in the same space makes a hell of a difference. And being able to read a person’s body language, a touch, a gesture or a hug counts for a lot. You don’t have all that. All you have is your voice and your words.
2. Raunchy, Raunchier, Raunchiest: Admit it, accept it. You need sex. You want sex. You like sex. Research has proven that no sex leads to frustration and to fights (You can’t make this shit up. Or maybe you can). So let go of your inhibitions, talk dirty and have lots of phone/skype/video sex. It helps, especially when you’ll actually be bonking only about once or twice a year. There’s nothing like a quickie on the phone at work. And let’s not forget the dirty pictures. Imagine getting one of those while you’re in a meeting. Rawr.
3. Here’s A Pin. Now Deflate That Ego: Angry silence and not wanting to take the first step to breaking the ice after a fight is fine when you’re in the same city or living together. You know that the person is around even if you’re being given the silent treatment. You’ll still be able to see them. But when you’re in two different cities or countries, all you have is cold silence. And if you know how shitty that feels, know that it probably feels as shitty to the other person. So next time you fight, make that call. It’s okay to.
4. For Fuck’s Sake, Don’t Doubt: Doubt sucks. Metaphorically and literally. Plain and simple. It will make you feel shitty, it will make her feel shitty and it will suck the life and joy out of your relationship. Nobody likes being interrogated suspiciously. So don’t, okay? Just don’t.
5. Telepathy Is Still A Developing Field: Last but not the least, communicate. Explain yourself so you avoid misunderstanding. Say I love you. Tell her how much you miss her. You don’t have the luxury of coming back home to each other. And if you’re in different time zones, your life just got a little more difficult. At least one of you will be sleeping over something the other said. So talk to each other. You can’t read her mind and neither can she. (If you can, then I have just one question for you: will you teach me?)
So there you go. My two bits for what it’s worth.
(P.S: Baby, are you reading this?)