What do I do when an attractive young man sits across me with his legs spread so wide that his thighs and organ strain against the fabric of his jeans? I stare unabashedly for a second, avert my eyes and then throw furtive glances from the corners of my eyes all the while imagining a tight pair of buttocks.
What do I do when I spot Adonis, Zeus, Hermes and Poseidon in the same damned seating section of the Metro? I stare the hell out of Zeus and Hermes since they are facing me. Alternately, of course. Just like we watch the ball at a tennis match. And since I cannot muster the courage to turn 90 degrees left and right to look at Adonis and Poseidon, I nearly blind myself peering at their reflections in the thick pane of glass.
What do I do when I find someone ogling at me like I ogled Zeus? I stare a few inches to his right till my eyes become sore.
What do I do when I feel attracted to a man with a thinning pate? Knock him up instantly and then wonder to myself if I’ll pull out the rest of his locks in a passionate tug or two.
What do I do when I see that attractive Malayalee chap wearing a pristine white mundu regaling everyone at some Asianet award ceremony? I tell him off under my breath, “couldn’t you have tied that mundu a little higher?” Many pennies (ain’t no pun) for a glimpse of those legs and some tantalizing probing a bit further up.
What do I do when the dusky dude I have been drooling over parks himself next to me at Church. Naughty, naughty. Lean into me. Give me the Kiss of Peace. *I do not mean to blaspheme, but I think I have taken a risk here.*
What do I do when I read S’s risque anecdotes? Aroused by the vivid imagery, methinks(sic) “That saucy, impudent boy. Had he been straight…(pregnant pause)”
What do I do when I see a man with potential? I assay him from head to toe with special attention to his hands. Soft palms, calloused palms, large palms, sweaty palms, moist palms. They’ll be working a lot, won’t they? So it’s best to check if they don’t have a concealed wedding ring !
(Inspired by Srini & “What do you say” by Mickey Avalon)