Each day, I think of you and wonder if you’re thinking of me. And if you are – what made you do so. Am I the first person you think of when you wake up? When you open your eyes and see your husband lying there beside you, do you think of me? Do you picture me there instead, fast asleep like a child? That is what you always said; that I ‘slept like a child, peaceful and innocent’. Do your eyes caress him like they did me, wanting to touch me but not wanting to disturb my sleep? Do you tiptoe to the washroom to get ready for the day without waking him up?
Having slept very late at night after hours of making love to you, I would lie there drifting in and out of sleep, missing you and the warmth of your body. I would hear you in the shower and try to get myself out of bed to make you tea before you left. But my body wouldn’t move.
Now you are out of the shower, getting dressed. You ask me to turn the other way while you dress. Even if I want to peep, my eyes won’t open. But I can smell you. You smell of shampoo and cream and I want you, but I can’t get my eyes to open. I hear a slight jingle and picture you putting on your earrings, your head tilted to one side. I move in my sleep. You freeze, waiting for me to settle. Then you turn to the mirror again to draw your eyes…your beautiful eyes… to put on your lipstick, and then your phone rings.
Your cab has come. You swing your handbag on your shoulders and turn to look at me lying there asleep. You come closer, lean over and kiss me. I turn to look at you, to see what you’re wearing, to tell you that you are beautiful and that I love you. But my eyes won’t open, my lips hardly move. And then you are gone.