Not Anymore

A little too anxious, Heena was tossing and turning on her bed. She wanted to dig a hole and bury her face into the earth, like an ostrich. She could literally picture herself do it.  She tried to reassure herself and fall asleep but it wasn’t working.  We all embarrass ourselves sometimes, she thought. She decided she could never see Riya or speak with her again. Never.  She just didn’t have the courage to.

Writing would help. She hastily got out of of her and grabbed a pen and paper. The words poured out instantly, as though they were desperate to be released.

I am not going to flirt with you anymore, because it  isn’t time pass for me anymore.

I am not going to flirt with you anymore, because I can’t concentrate on what you’re saying.

I am not going to flirt with you anymore, because hugging you feels different, now.

I am not going to flirt with you anymore, because I have an urge to  kiss you now.

I am not going to flirt with you anymore, because I feel a little too many things when I see that twinkle in your eye.

I am not going to flirt with you anymore, since I don’t like all these urges and feelings. I don’t want to feel them for you. Just not you.

I am not going to flirt with you anymore,because I hate accepting it but I have developed a crush on you.

I am not going to flirt with you anymore since I am too scared and I have a big ego.

She smiled as it dawned upon her. She was making a big deal out of it. Maybe her feelings did come across to Riya or maybe they didn’t. But it wasn’t about that, at all. She shouldn’t have let it affect her so much. She concluded that she wouldn’t take herself so seriously anymore.

But then again, as she rolled back into bed, Narcissism indulged her. She loved herself a little too much to not take herself seriously. Might as well indulge in loving oneself, she thought.  Narcissism raised her above the mundane embarrassments, confusions and indecisiveness. She liked it. She gave in and allowed herself to fall asleep, with self indulgent thoughts floating, all around her.

 

About the author

Valerie