[Editor’s Note : The following is an extract from a letter the writer sent his mother. She is in absolute denial about ever having had any ‘conversation’ for she continues to ask: “But what I don’t understand is why don’t you want to marry?” He suggests to her that there may be other questions she could ask instead. Some questions may sound uncomfortable but he knows she needs to hear the answers. After all who could be closer to a gay man than his mother?]
Don’t you think this is abnormal?
Those are all Western concepts, aren’t they?
I never guessed this. But I’m sorry if you felt I was not understanding. Since you quote modern psychologicalresearch, would you agree to visiting a psychologist with me so that I can learn more about this problem, for I feel it’s only psychological?
But you look absolutely normal. I mean you are not effeminate. You have regular medicals, so I do know it’s not physical.
Do you know any other people with the same issues?
So with any of these people have you ever…..?
I understand you don’t want to answer this question, it’s too personal. But without being with women how can you know for sure?
Why did you never tell me that you have close friends who are girls?
You are reducing marriage to a very sexual thing. It is more of companionship, a meeting of minds.
Yes minds can click with either sex but we live in a society and we have to adhere to its rules, don’t you think?
So you are saying that you don’t care about society as long as we support you?
So, do you plan to live your life all alone? Who is going to take care of you after us?
What does he do for a living?
How much does he earn?
Is this good for you?
Isn’t this a phase? Don’t you think everything will be alright if you marry?
Why do you think your marrying will be unfair to the girl (after all our happiness is completely dependant on that one stranger we don’t even know instead of you whom we have in front of us in flesh and blood)?
How long have you been together?
Why do you want to adopt a child and bring him into all this?
Won’t you need our support raising such a child?
We won’t be comfortable with you and him living here with us, have you considered that?
Where would you like to live then?
Why do you say you feel we are a roadblock to your happiness and are responsible for your erratic, ruthless, rude behaviour of late?
What would you, then, like us to do so that we can all be happy, because you and your happiness are more important than anything else for us?