How Is Casual Sex Different From Making Love?

Many a time we give commitments very early in relationships because it feels wrong to be with someone without tagging that togetherness as something.

Incubus-sex richard

Too much is made of the topic of ‘casual sex’.

Being a person of limited words, I will get to the point.

What is sex? What is casual? What is commitment? And after you figure all of that out…what is making love?

If I find you attractive and sleep with you without knowing you enough, this makes it casual sex.

If I find you attractive, I propose to you (claiming love at first sight), you feel the same and say yes, and if we have sex… of course then it’s not casual sex, it’s making love right?

If find you attractive, I am married but I want to be with you and you being married also feel the same about me…we have sex and it’s not casual sex – we are making love out of your marriage but it’s not casual right?

If don’t want to have sex with someone I am not committed to and it doesn’t matter how long our relationship lasts, we have to give it a name…what will I tell my friends? I am just sleeping with ‘someone’? That too would be casual, na?

If I am married to you but don’t love you and have to sleep with you…come on that’s not casual sex because we are married!

If we fell in love, got married and realized we are not meant for each other – we fight every day however procreation should not be put to halt… then, that’s not casual sex either right?

In my experience of being infatuated-being in love-dating-being single–and exploring, I have realized one thing. Many a time we give commitments very early in relationships because it feels wrong to be with someone without tagging that togetherness as something. So, we call this togetherness a relationship. And this is where we have lost the meaning of being in love. There is no such thing as love at first sight. That is only attraction; if reciprocated and nurtured it will turn into a relationship and eventually love. However, if before we get that far I sleep with you, is it having sex or making love?

Many a time people get into unhappy relationships just because that’s the best they can find at that given point of time and rather than having a causal relationship or casual sex (morality restricts it!) they find comfort in doing it with someone they are committed to.

Life is not about tagging relationships, or tagging sex or tagging love. Life is about understanding yourself. If you at any point of time are not in love with the person you are sleeping with, it is casual sex… be it you sleeping with a partner you are no longer in love with, be it a spouse you are cheating on, be it a partner you know is cheating on you, or be it the love of your life who has moved on.

When you are open to having a casual relationship it only means you are giving yourself and the other person a chance to find out whether you are meant for each other… whether you will be able to make each other happy for a long time.

A realization should always come before a commitment

Casual sex or casual relationships are not the ones that harm you or create any holes in your aura. It is the lies that you say to yourself and others that do the real damage.

I am on a quest to find my love, and on the way I will have casual sex with others; however I will not tag that “casual sex” as a relationship or commitment or anything that is only said to validate the sexuality in the relationship

Because I know…whenever I make love…it won’t be casual *grin*

About the guest author

Gauri Sheth