Cock A Doodle Doo, Did, Done : You Ain’t Seen Candid Like This

I just love cock! Which in simpler scientific terms is called the male penis!

[ Editor’s Note: Vinodh performed this fantastic, risque and entertaining piece at Gaysi’s Dirty Talk 6.0 – Here we have the opportunity publish it for all our readers to enjoy. Beware: Its NOT for the faint hearted. ]

I love, cock! I love it! I love it! I love it!

I just luuuuuuuuuurve cock!

Not to be confused with what the neo-Mallus drink after a huge meal of chicken shtew and kappa biryaani! That’s coke – coca cola… I’m referring to cock!

Again not to be confused with the main ingredient of the aforementioned shtew! That’s the male form of the bird called a hen… this also is a male form – the main male appendage for the burgeoning rise of the population of the world! Especially in India, China, the Vatican and anywhere else where they don’t believe in contraception.

I just love cock! Which in simpler scientific terms is called the male penis!

I’m going to let out some little secrets or observations, if you like… and in some cases feedback and some very very private mental notes (you might think I’m mental too) I’ve made of the cock I’ve interacted with in my time… and yes, I’m mental… senti-mental. *sigh*

Ah! Back to that lovely little thing and sometimes – very large organ depending on which continent and race you’ve visited n the planet or species too – that comes in all shapes and sizes… oh yes!

Trust me – not just all sizes – but in all shapes too.

First, there are the common shapes the straight and the perpen-dic-ular – perpendicular to the body when erect. This happens when one wears one’s appendage normally in the 6.30 position. So it’s the effect that gravity has on the hanging dongle of man-kind, it rises to the occasion and has a very calming effect on the beholder – could be A holder or Ze holder.

Next comes the one that’s also straight – and parallel…. Parallel – lell- lell- aaaaa… !

Now that parallel state of affairs happens when the owner wears it in a 6 o’clock position… easier to pop out when going susu – all you have to do is pull the underwear down and dear little joe would just dangle out and you don’t even have to touch him to direct your jet of piss… ewwwwww…. Gosh! This show is making me get very graphic! Don’t like it.. in any case… hmmmmm… all the things one has to do for free beer! Hmmmm.

Now we move on to the other straight type – btw, I’ve never usually spoken in so much detail and very clinical manner about the male human penis – I usually grab it and let my mouth and hands do all the talking (giggles).

And I’ve never used the word straight in such a complimentary manner so many times in a few minutes, it’s beginning to sound not too criminal to be straight after all!

Straight! Straight! Straight! Seedhey! Seedhey! Seedhey! Seedhey jao! Or is seedhey aa-o! now you’re gonna think of this every time you tell the rickshaw-wala (and that shouldn’t be confused with a Parsi surname, my dear) seedhey jao! Seedhey chalo! Naughty perverted people! Okay!!!!! Straight and parallel… parallel to one’s lower abdomen, so if you’re skinny like Shahrukh Khan or Dhanush, then it’s bound to point inwards – no tummy – or if you look like Atal Behari Vajpayee, it’s gotta point outwards and if you look like Salman Khan – whooooaaaa man… it might actually get all ribbed or corrugated… to align itself to the rippling abs and yet.. and yet.. will be straight… I did digress into shape for a moment – had to men-tion it *grin*

Moving on from the straight and perpendicular and parallel – we go on to the straight and turned left or turned right… once again it all depends on the way it it worn when flaccid! The aforementioned ease to pee can be cited as a reason for the owners of such cocks and how sad. So now when you tell the rickshaw-wala (again not to be confused with Dharuwala or Clubwala or Motorwala) right ley-lo or left ley-lo… if you are a person of decent modest upbringing, you certainly are bound to blush! Pervert!!!! Never mind!

Straight and narrow! over…

Straight and parallel! over…

Straight and left tilted! done…

Straight and right tilted! done…

Next you have the curved ones – the ones that are curved like a puppy dog’s tail? Just that it’s curved inward… hmmmmm…. Interesting…. How the hell did you manage that? Trying to shove it up your own little bottom, eh love? What were you doing in school and college and in the ages when it was supposed to be let down at a 6.30! tucked it so far in – were you so ashamed you had it? You always wanted it hidden? Hmmmmmm! and you know what! after a point of time, you can’t really do anything about it, can you? it’s not like hair – not the pubic kind, where you use a heat comb and straighten it! What were you thinking… you’re stuck with this for life! And to top that… you wanna poke me with that sickle you have for a penis! No way! Uff! Never mind! But on the other hand, in a kinky sort of way… one would think it’s cute and comely and very not to be avoided!

So these are primarily the common types… positions and shapes I must say… well, I forgot the confused one that cannot really decide what shape it can take because the owner has over used it and never probably stashed it in one consistent position so that the cock is pretty dizzy by the time he is 20 to know which shape to take or direction to point and would remain soft and supple and very chewy… poor thing! Poor man! Not talking about mid-life crisis, my dear… surely can’t be mid-life crisis at 20, imagine the state of affairs at 90! Thank God for Viagra! Phew! All is good on both sides of the Jordan (not Michael Jordan, silly!) the River Jordan – don’t think anything’s wrong with Mike Jordan… and there is peace restored in the land of penises.

Now moving on from shapes, let’s do sizes. Btw, size isn’t a guarantee for pleasure, mind you – sometimes it can most literally be a guarantee for pain… I’ve seen big ones in my time… real big ones… ones that make you go… Whaaaaaooooo… where on earth did that come from? It was almost non-existent a few moments ago! And now… whooooooaaaa man! I could use it for the mast of a ship and that could’ve probably saved the Titanic from sinking… or you could call it the Titanic and sink it in, you know where! Blush! Blush!

There are other sizes that make you go…

mmmmmmmm… 

Ewwwwwwww….

Ah! Yes! 

Oh no! not again!

Hell no! what the hell are you thinking! I can’t even get my prognathic jaw around it even if I disjointed it like a rather greedy sex starved python, imagine it going up my arse! Hell no!

Some others that make you go…

Hmmmmmmm… and then guffaw! Guffaw!

Then there’s he he he (can’t stop laughing!)

And then there’s … awwwwwww…. Poor little thing… are you feeling hungry? Do you want some food?

What the…. Mustn’t stick your head out like that, okay?

Then there’s …. Naughty! Naughty!

And.. what’s happening… is there something wrong with me! Wah! Wah! Wah! 

Hmmmmmmmm….

And then there’s the hybrid types – not talking about pure-bred Caucasian, African, Asian, Polynesian, Mallu or Bengali or Tamil or Kashmiri or Marathi or Gujju or Punjabi or Bihari! And mind you, I’m adding all the separate Indian tribes with the other general races of the world because each has a separate trait that each pure-bred can be certainly proud of or equally ashamed of –  the hybrid type is the one that can be just right, what one would call as a healthy, cheerful and right fit and very positive kinda cock… gives you a very positive vibe!

One that makes you crow… cock a doodle doooooooooo did and done that! Sigh!

But, then… whatever shape or size, colour or race or caste or creed…. It IS the human penis we’re talking about… and remember what I said before, I just luuuuuuurve cock!

So do you, don’t you! *Wink*

About the guest author

Vinodh Philip