5 Ways To Deal With a Gay Proposal If You Are Straight

Before I provide you with a list of things you could take into account while responding to a gay proposal, it is most imperative that you listen to a story first.

Before I provide you with a list of things you could take into account while responding to a gay proposal (if you are straight), it is most imperative that you listen to a story first.

Not a very long time ago, while lurking in my usual space, trying to research on something, I was perturbed by a gentleman; a good friend. “Neha,” he said, “I have no issues with these gay men as long as they keep to themselves.” My attention was kindled.

“Keep to themselves?” I was a little perplexed.

“You see, in my last workplace, a gay guy would often linger around me and try to flirt. One day he ended up proposing to me.” He said and shuddered as though nauseated. “I shooed him away.”

“Shooed him away? Like a bird?” I asked.

“These people are disgusting. How dare he?”

I almost asked him, “But he only proposed to you? What if he thought you were gay? I mean that’s how humans hunt for potential love prospects, by asking”, but I didn’t. That was precisely what he was perhaps angered at. ‘How could the gay guy even presume his sexuality with all those mammoth muscles that my friend was a master of?’ I quickly calculated. I had seen gay men with a better muscular make than his and that was where he might have lacked a complete sense of understanding. Unlike the popular display of physical and behavioural traits attributed to a particular sexual orientation, homosexual people like heterosexual ones come in all sizes and shapes, I thought. We all do.

He was still blabbering something, as was I in my head. ‘But then why do you complain when women shoo you away like birds?’ I thought and smiled at him.

As the story would have you believe, I was tempted to contemplate better alternatives of him having turned that proposal down. So here’s a list of things I thought you could teach your friends about how to reject a proposal from a gay man-

1) Pull out a chair. Sit him down. Tell him, “Brother, as amazing and talented you are, I will still have to tell you I like women better.”

2) Ask him if he would like water or wine. Pour it out in two glasses. Stress brows and look concerned. Start very amiably, “You are a wonderful person, you know, and I would be absolutely fortunate if I got to be with someone like you but, ” insert a thoughtful pause, “you deserve better than me.”

3) Extend help. Look intelligent. Maybe put your glasses on. “Can I help you find a mate? I have done that all my life for my straight friends.”

4) Look surprised, almost in a state of denial on being associated with a community of connoisseurs of everything- art, music, philosophy, science. Tell him, “Can’t believe you thought so highly of me.” Then sigh. Look disappointed. “Unfortunately, I am straight.” (you can bang your head on the nearest wall for extra drama)

The last one for those who are most disgusted by these homos and would rather die than be polite-

5) Bang a book on the nearest table and SHOUT- “Would you be my friend?” You just FRIENDZONED them!!!

About the guest author

Neha Thakur

Neha Thakur is a storyteller at ‘The Nine Raspberries’, a blog meant to compile choicest of short stories from all genres for the modern reader. She has one spoilt dog, two mischievous siblings (born five minutes apart) and three wonderful parents.