I’m a 23 year old girl and since childhood, I’ve been interested in men. There was simply no question about it. I can still remember my very first crush, my first boyfriend, then my second, and so on. This has been the case for the last 23 years of my life, until now. I connected with the LGBTQ community by attending some queer events, making a lot of friends from the community space. I began seeing women differently. I started noticing different things about women, but it wasn’t the same. My mind still focused on men because I thought I was heterosexual in my orientation.
One random day I got a friend request on Facebook from a girl. She added me ‘by mistake’ but now I feel it was the best mistake ever. Though social media is how we began our interaction, eventually I asked for her number. I still remember how she said “Omg you finally asked for my number” after a couple of weeks of facebook chatting. Dramatic that she was, I loved that about her. I would get excited when she texted me, when she flirted with me, when she used certain words to talk to me. She was everywhere I looked. Thoughts of her filled every quiet moment of mine. I constantly replayed previous conversations we’d had, and I envisioned future ones. Soon, we met for the first time and felt a strong connection. This was all a first time for me and funnily it used to be always about men, so many men… until suddenly it wasn’t. Suddenly, there was something else added into the mix: SHE.
I fell for her fast and hard, without any indication that she would fall for me in return. Even now, I still don’t know what happened and how. Perhaps I’ll never know or I will know in time. But I do know this: I am a woman who was, and still is, sexually attracted to men. I also know that I have this huge crush on another woman. Now, because of her, I’ve learned that, I don’t have to justify it to anyone and as she rightly says, “I just believe in loving a person”. Sexuality is fluid so if you ask me now, I may not identify as a heterosexual or as a bisexual, but I’m just a Queer girl who doesn’t wish to fit into any box or labels.
I had never ever thought about being with a woman. In fact, just the idea of it was really unappealing to me. But now that I know this woman, I don’t think it’s unappealing at all. I’d like to be with her, and I like the thought of going out with her and everything… in a few words, I really like her. Her existence taught me that there is no such thing as a 100%, and that the people I liked or loved before I liked her does not define my feelings. I had lived my life believing that I would only ever love men. Now, I believe, that in my mind it could be all men, always men….and HER. There will always be a place for her.