Ask The Speaking Stree : Confused About Own Sexuality?

I am scared to even admit to myself that I am gay.

Hello there!!

I would like some advice and suggestion. I am 23 currently working in a corporate company. I am thoroughly confused about my sexuality. Oh I forgot to mention. I am a woman! I am scared to even admit to myself that I am gay. Are there any people out there who have come out and are enjoying a successful career??

Please help me out.

[Sent by Anonymous] 

Thank you for reaching out! Twenty three and already on your way up – that’s GREAT! It’s not unusual to feel confusion about one’s sexuality. What’s more important is giving yourself the space and time to understand yourself without feeling scared or overwhelmed. Why the fear to admit to yourself that you might be gay? Yes, life can at times be a tad challenging when one identifies as “not-heterosexual” (the law, the society, yada yada) but we do live in a time and age where attitudes toward LGBT issues are fast changing. Things are not as bad as they used to be some years ago and are bound to further improve in as time progresses.
I see a couple concerns you have from what you’ve written:
1. Fear that you might be gay: Arrey relax! A lot of us are gay. Some out and some in the closet – and totally in at least 50 shades of gay! In due course of time and with adequate support from peers and seniors, we’ve realized that the world really doesn’t have to come to end cause we are gay. Once we take the first step (which you have with this message), we eventually find avenues to meet fellow queers, establish our support systems, make some amazing friends, and tough it out together (happily). Don’t be afraid. One step at a time and you’ll be fine!
2. Fear of the impact that your “being gay” might have on your career: Alright sister, first things first. Your sexuality is your business. How you identify yourself is primarily, secondarily …….nth-ily YOUR CONCERN. Please do not ever be pressurized into believing that you owe the world at large an explanation for your personal decisions and choices particularly at your place of work. Now, should you want to come out at your workplace, there are ways you could do it. There are organizations that you could approach for support should you ever feel that your sexuality is being used to put you down at your workplace. However, the outcomes would greatly depend on the environment and policies at your workplace. But yes, the choice rests with you and only you. Yes, there are individuals who are out at their workplaces and have successful careers. So it’s not impossible. The current legal environment does not protect individuals from discrimination at workplaces on grounds of sexuality (though some organizations do have that protection included in their HR policies); however, that should not be a deterrent to living your life on your terms.
Also, you are 23! Take your time out to understand yourself better, don’t rush yourself cause you don’t need to have all the answers TODAY! The journey toward acceptance always starts with oneself and we are here to hold you if you’d never need to connect. Would be happy to connect you to support groups in TN and online support groups if you would like to! The world is your oyster and I wish you luck in cracking it!


Speaking Stree

You can e-mail your questions to Speaking Stree via Gaysi Contact Form and she will respond to you via the Gaysi Family website.

About the author

The Speaking Stree

In another world, she would have been a history teacher. Or a butterfly chaser (the REAL winged ones, mind it). But in this one, she is holds a public health degree in HIV AIDS and STI medicine, and works as a researcher with a community-based organization. When she isn’t engrossed in the ickies and scratchies of the nether regions, she travels. And reads. And dreams. And cooks. She identifies as a bisexual woman and is on a continued journey filled with experiences –first hand and borrowed—on understanding what it means to be a Queer Desi. She also listens and she’d love to hear from you if there is anything particularly difficult that you are going through in your life. She will respond to your questions, queries, concerns, dilemmas, mundane chatter, anything really, on the Gaysi Family blog. So, holler on, and The Stree shalt speaketh!