Poem : I’m Sick And Tired

I’m sick and tired

Of logging into Grindr, Scruff, Hornet or Growlr

May be I’m addicted? May be I still hope?

But, what am I hoping for?

I’m sick and tired

Of logging into Grindr, Scruff, Hornet or Growlr

May be I’m addicted? May be I still hope?

But, what am I hoping for?

 

I’m sick and tired

Of men asking me about my height and weight

Don’t they read what’s written in my profile?

Why do I have to mention it again?

 

I’m sick and tired

Of fucktards and bastards who hit on you without a pic but ask you for yours

And when you ask them to see it in my profile, they want more!

May be they just want more and are never satiated!

 

I’m sick and tired

Of pure tops and pure “bottams” approaching me

When I’ve said that I’m a Side – with some exceptions! Wink!

Get an education!

 

I’m sick and tired

Of rude behaviour and bad manners and bad language

May be they’re insecure, weak and cowardly?

Or perhaps, I am confident and strong and bold?

 

I’m sick and tired

Of men seeking “franships”

When I say I’m not on this app for friends?

May be I don’t know what this new meaning of “friends” is.

 

I’m sick and tired

Of taking selfies with the thought that this could go on an app

When I know well that people don’t respond half of the time…

But, may be I am missing the point!

 

I’m sick and tired

Of men not reading my HIV status or responding when I ask for theirs

May be this is offensive to ask and offensive to display

Or may be this is passe and they are all immune? But, immune to what?

 

I’m sick and tired

Of meeting many a man to satisfy an urge

When all I long for is a stable relationship, togetherness and intimacy…

May be I’m tired of this drain of energy!

 

I’m sick and tired

Of bitchiness and back-biting and the queenings-out!

Why is there so much of it going around?

My cortisol levels are so high! Sigh! I keep falling sick!

 

I’m sick and tired

Of convincing a man that I’m right for him

Why do I have to prove myself and for what, when he’s “keeping his options open” when mine are closed!

No one wants to spend time and let it grow – or they probably want to, but I’ll never know!

 

I’m sick and tired

Of governments dictating my status – criminal or law-abiding!

When I haven’t committed a crime or done a deed to cause hurt, pain and misery!

May be the system is trying to close in on me? Put me in a box? A box the size of a pixel!

 

I’m sick and tired

Of law makers having the latest phone with updated apps

But it doesn’t extend to the laws that bind me that keep me from my freedom!

May be I’m the one that’s outdated, small and cheap!

 

I’m sick and tired

Of not fitting in and not wanting to fit in…

May be I love my freedom too much and want to be bold!

Or may be I’m just old-fashioned and growing old!

About the guest author

Vinodh Philip