Not So Simple Life Of A Simple Middle Class Gay Man

Very recently, I was checking my PR account to see if there was any useful message or one worth replying.

Very recently, I was checking my PR account to see if there was any useful message or one worth replying. Sadly, most of them were leaking with pre-cum, so I immediately wiped them off the screen. One, however, said, “Hey, you have a gorgeous face, I wish I had someone like you in my life. Obviously, I felt flattered and even blushed a little. I immediately opened his profile, but to my disappointment, he was from Mumbai and I am from Delhi. Nevertheless, I proceeded further to do a complete analysis of his profile. Now, don’t think that I am digressing from the topic in the pursuit of telling about him, but it is in the pursuit itself that I will be telling you something very meaningful, which a lot of you will be able to empathize with.

The Guy was 32 years old and was a decent looking man. Although he didn’t write very tragic and emotional saga of his own in his profile, but I read in between the lines, some words, which were enough to well up tears in my eyes. He said:

 “I am educated, well settled and a sane man. Most of the gays I meet here want sex and no more connection after that. I am from a decent family and I don’t want to be in such connections. I always wanted to have a family with my male partner like all hetero-couples do. But now my patience is withering away. I wish I get my partner soon.”

This made me wonder, how easy it would have been for his “hetero-counterpart”, in such condition, to just tell his mother that he wants to marry and 100 relationship offers would have arrived. She would have taken care of how good the girl is in all possible ways, how compatible do they look etc. But since he isn’t, his mother might not be able to help him. His father won’t. Office romance seems like a dangerous territory. Old friends, love and crushes were either straight or bisexuals. He didn’t attend those invites from those gay parties. He didn’t drink and neither was he a party guy. A continuous search at PR gets tiring. SO, WHO WILL HELP THE POOR SIMPLE MIDDLE CLASS GAY GUY ?

Yes, that’s why, my tears welled up. How slim the chances become, for a gay person, to find that man whom he can consider his partner? Even if he does, how limited will be his resources to identify if the person is not a fraud? A family validation will always be in question?

Anyway, one thing, which by now, would have made a lot of you curious is why I am continuously using words like middle class and simple again and again.

The answer is I am using simple to emphasis a typical mindset which likes simple rules and doesn’t want to be involved in complex thought patterns, ideas and lifestyles. And “middle class” because this is highly prevalent in this class only. Upper and Lower class people are, on the contrary are far more modern and accepting to such men than the middle class society. It is not about literacy, it is about the independence each class allows to an individual belonging to that particular class.

I could now digress into the various class systems and their mechanics but I won’t because that’s not my intention, My intention is to bring your attention on the gay closeted men who are not flamboyant, who are not hunks or twinks, or do not live for sex, who want to be responsible sons and yet be with their gay partners, who dream of a stable married life, not various sexual escapades, who want to come out to their family with their partner, so that even if they are not accepted by family someone keeps holding their hand.

Ironically enough, it is for them, the toughest, to find the right person. Now lets move ahead, I replied to him thanks and I wish you get the best man around as your partner, better than me. I moved on next message. Said Hi only. I visited profile and it had so many stay offs that it really turned me off. Stay off sissies, uncles, dark guys, fat guys, feminine guys and so on. I was disgusted really seeing that. Suddenly there was reply. A reply from the simple guy.. Thanks dude I wasn’t expecting a reply from you. Have you found the one? I replied, No but I would want him to be someone like you. I continued thinking about the previous profile: how many judgments we have to face every day on such gay platforms like PR where we are suppose to be ourselves and be amongst people like ourselves. Are we really ourselves there? Not much. I understand people have made Facebook as their Fakebook. But a platform like PR or other gay websites serve different purpose, they are not meant for judgments, they are meant to create a space such that when so that a gay man comes from largely heterosexual society into a gay friendly site he can be himself without any judgments. But look how many amongst us have various labels for each other, it disgusts me.

Maybe that simple guy would not have been single by now, if other people were more sensitive to him and not judge him only by his looks. He had much more to him, agreed he was not a hunk or prince charming by looks, but who needs that? The love propagated by media always has a handsome man and a beautiful woman. That’s just fake.


While a lot of people understand it now. Some people just refuse to accept it.

While lots of stereotypes exist within the gay society of India, not many gays fall within one category, everybody is multifaceted. But the pure strains exist too. And they are the ones that are discriminated against the most. Whether it is ultra feminine or our simple gay man. Another reason why I am so desperately after our simple middle class gay man is that he is also extremely prone to succumb to the pressure of getting into a marriage with a girl.

I understand that under no circumstance a gay person should ever ruin a girl’s life by marrying her and no one has any right to do so. But we share the blame, we have given him various reasons after all, why would we reply to average looking man who has no dick pictures in his profile with nothing sexy in his profile. Why would we care about other gays present here as long as we get poles and holes? It is very easy to blame someone but it isn’t easy to never let the mistake happen, and consequently never let the blame arise.

In the end, I hope that my simple guy, who lives a simple life on the outside, who has a simple heart and looks simple, gets a simply simple guy in his life who simply takes his heart away and finally “SIMPLIFY” his life inside out in the most truest of sense.


About the guest author