She Loves Me, And I Love Her Back, But Not In The Way You Think.

And then, I saw her for the first time…On a railway station in the midnight, her heading off to marry her love; I knew we were in it together for the long haul.

Are we lesbians? Nope, she’s happily married to the love of her life. Was it a triad? No, the husband wasn’t involved? Did she love me? Oh yes, very much. Did I love her? Equally, if not more. Were we intimate? Certainly, yes. Did we have sex together? Not even once. Are we still in touch, we’re very good friends yes.

You see, she loves me, and I love her back, but not in the way you think.

So, let me begin with where it started. I had only just begun to know myself sexually. I was very attracted to BDSM. I didn’t really understand what it was. I still find there’s so much to understand there. Heck, I’m always learning new things you see, but I digress.

So, there was all this world of kinks, toys, play, scenes, people from the community that I was awe-struck by. I was like this little kid in the toy shop and I SO SO wanted to play. But, I also wanted to stay safe. I was talking to multiple men and trying to see who was safe to play with, who had an agenda, and who was not so experienced.

That’s when she came by. We were connected on an online forum and she wrote to me. Proactively, you see. I had only heard of stepsisters till then, not heart sisters. This one proved to be.

We got talking and kept talking for months before we met. We talked about everything, about my desires, her experiences, my insecurities, her learning. We even flirted; we discussed our amorous / BDSM interests, compared notes, and a lot more. In the meanwhile, our journey continued on their own paths. We loved each other as sisters do.

And then, I saw her for the first time…On a railway station in the midnight, her heading off to marry her love; I knew we were in it together for the long haul. There was tension, not sexual, but emotional. There were sparks, again, not sexual but intellectual. She scooped me into her arms and twirled me around, like a lover in the movies would. Her father was amused, my sibling had this incredulous look for how goofy we both looked. Her train had a 5 minutes stop, she hopped back on it and kept waving to me. We loved each other as friends do.

We continued living in different cities till life brought us together in the same city after another year or so. We started going to public events together. Her husband knew of it and was happy. My boyfriend knew of it and was not unhappy either. The guys were not involved.

We played a bit. BDSM style. We kissed yes, but with love and not lust. We desired each other, not with passion, but trust. I pushed my limits with her; I explored and learned so much about myself, the lifestyle, Domination, submission, pain, trust, love and so much more. We loved each other as a Dominant and a submissive do.

And then, life happened. A series of misunderstandings, our needs for each other, our needs for personal space, tossed around the part of the world that she and I shared. We fought, quarrelled, hurt, wept, claimed to hate each other, parted ways, kept trying. We loved each other as Ex-lovers do.

She didn’t give up on me. I tried not to give up on her. She did better. We reconnected after a long break. We started talking again. Oh, we even started flirting occasionally again. She wept in my arms, I, in hers. We never played again, we probably never will. 9 years later, we continue to talk, we continue to love. We love each other as soul mates do.

You see, she loves me, and I love her back, but not in the way you think.

About the author

Asmi

Asmi Uniqus is an active BDSM practitioner, lifestyle coach based in India, a writer and a vocal, empowering person, who experiments actively with BDSM, feminism, LGBT, sexuality and erotica. She is very active in several real-world BDSM communities and has close connections with a wide spectrum of other practitioners both in India and globally. She has authored a series of guides to various aspects of BDSM, available on kindle. She can be reached on Facebook or via email at: asmi.uniqus@gmail.com
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