Calm And Chaos Of Closeted Truth And Free Lies

My closet is a library, with nested closets filled with epics and love stories of that my heart wishes it would recreate, in this heteronormative world.
My closet frees me, my closet restricts me.

The first time somebody asked me whether I was queer or not,
I was under denial, I had never known the true meaning of queer, so,
I lied.
I lied because the truth scared me,
I lied because neither them nor I could handle the truth, out there.

The second time someone asked me whether I was queer or not,
I was afraid of my own growing feelings, I was experiencing a catalytic change, so,
I lied.
I lied because the truth scared me,
I lied because neither them nor I could handle the truth, out there.

The third time somebody asked me whether I was queer or not,
I knew they cannot accept me as I am, I was not their “normal” kind, so,
I lied.
I lied because the truth scared me,
I lied because neither them nor I could handle the truth, out there.

And I have lied, ever since.

My closet is a library, with nested closets filled with epics and love stories of that my heart wishes it would recreate, in this heteronormative world.
My closet frees me, my closet restricts me.
My closet has windows to the world, with beautiful serene views of acceptance, tranquillity, love and light.
My closet wreaks of fear, loneliness and anxiety, the never-ending hysteria of being “different”.
My closet has photos of all the people I loved and desired.
My closet has ashes of all the love letters I burnt.
My closet has memories of all the people I used to be.
My closet smells of passion and love, contaminated with regret and guilt.

My closet has survived inquisitive conversations, unwanted and unsolicited advances, curious hands and more than curious eyes.
My closet echoes of my laughs and my cries; of my screams and my sighs; of peace and revolution.
My closet is a gorgeous cage.

My closet has no doors, how do I get out?
My closet is suffocating me!
HOW DO I GET OUT?

About the author

artbethefoodoflove

I am a dreamgirl from Chandigarh, with my head in the books and my mind dreaming, my world never stops. I am a creator, lover, and believer, a rebel in the age where euphoria is sold in the packets of catharsis. Perchance, you want to spot me, I'll be the one engrossed in my book with tea in hand, sitting serenely in a corner, smiling because this is my happy place. I believe people are art, and just once when you sit and admire, you may untangle their mysteries and your own. On that note, where is the connoisseur of my art? I love this magical, mythical, unattainable thing, called LOVE. It's a fairytale we all deserve to experience. I don't know who you are, or what your situation is, but I say take the 'leap of faith', love is a beautiful disaster, either way.
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