Gaysi: The Gay Desi - Yes, we're legal!

I have never broken up with anyone before. I have always been dumped. Even if I did do the dumping, I don’t think I have the chutzpah to carry it off. I would probably end up feeling sorely guilty. “What if I made a big mistake? What if this was my soul mate? I have to call him before he moves on.. I must undo it”. Yeah, that’d be me. I want to know what its like to feel free after a break up. I want to know what each of my boyfriends must have felt when they dumped me. What does it feel like to feel free? What is it like to be fishing for the other minnow in that proverbial big sea? What is it like to see your ex’s number flashing on your phone and casually clicking on “reject” with the same disdain you reserve for a telemarketer? How does one see a familiar name in the email and not have butterflies in the stomach? What does it feel like to hear a song you’ve have always played while you made out?

I could tell you how I feel.

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This recent post on Gaysi by Chicklet has got me thinking about a conversation I had some time ago with a very good friend of mine. We were generally chitty-chatting about our current partners (yes…shoot me), when somewhat out of context she remarked – “At least I know with her all can be sorted in bed”.

Now I consider myself a very sexual person. Yes, the sorts who regard sexual chemistry much higher than…let’s say one’s intellectualness. But I do believe that matters of importance….issues which require serious attention…should to be sorted outside the bed room and not init.

The sole reason being; there’s no real communication (sorry Missy, Oooosss and aahsss don’t exactly fall under this category). A discussion over sex is more like turning a blind eye and telling the heart “Aal izz well”. Yet many of us continue to follow this trend of replacing conversation with sex.

Fucked up no? And yours truly at times is no different.

Anyway without beating around the bush (no pun intended), tell me Ladies and let’s be honest here how many of you out there use sex as way of getting out of serious one-on-one talk with their partner. Or who’s been in a situation where in their partner’s response to “We need to talk!” has only ended up in pinning the other in bed.

The greatest factor that keeps us all going. One factor that plays the key role in how long a relationship will last.

Communication
The art of listening
Team work
Common goals
Respecting each other’s differences
Common spirituality
Honesty
Compatibility
Love [not referring to our modern day version of love; but the true unconditional lurrrrve]
Laughter
Fidelity
Conversations
.
.

These seem to be vital factors that keep a relationship going for most same sex couples around me.

But what about Sex? And Passion? And Romance? Why do we end up taking a relationship for granted once we attain a certain level intimacy? We tend to assume that we’re regular partners. We forget to work on the rough edges and re-work on the smooth ones.

Is it amazing when two people express romance through small gifts, romantic night outs, sharing chocolate fudge on cold winter nights, pretty sunsets, earth shaking sex in the bedroom?

Or when romance is explored from the desire to create something new…something fun… beautiful and then surrender to it completely?

It would be immature of me to ignore the fundamental heterogeneity of human personality & consider that one thing works for all. It has to be an inquiry within each of us…right?

So here’s my bit….

All the building blocks are lying in the form of crayons in some drawer of my being. And I’m picking up red to celebrate her in my life and tell her that I wake up smiling because I’m so in love with her. And a bit of pink to convey … umm playfulness?

Perhaps, ‘I got new shoes’ would have garnered more shrieks than my coming out did. Its been a couple of years now and I have realized how perceptions and opinions change once you tell people you swing the other way. They almost see you through new eyes.

When you meet new people (the straight lot, I mean) it is just presumed you are heterosexual. You can’t really blame them since we are brought up in such a heterosexist environment. Coming to the point, the minute I tell someone ‘I am gay’ – there is often a lateral shift in perception. [...]

Read the entire piece @ The Queer Chronicle : Page 2

How does it feel to be in a closet? To be invisible? How does it feel to not have a voice? To be called a joke, a threat, a freak?  Disconcerting, isn’t it? That’s why I keep insisting, we should move and must settle outside India. A place where we can live without fear & prejudice.

But, I do not wish to choose the life of an exile! We will carve our own little niche, here, in this very country.

How can you not understand me? I want us to be more than just “living together”. I want access to all basic human rights. I want us to have a family, kids, dogs, you and me, darling. I want all this and much more for us. Uff! I wish I could make you see the future I envisage for us.

Oh ho baby, I would want to raise our kids here, in India.

Don’t be funny, it would be no different there.

It would be. I wouldn’t even know how to relate to my own child! I would be an alien to the language, education system and to the very world they would be growing in! No matter how much I learn of that culture; it would never be enough. We will always remain aloof from each other.’

But aren’t we responsible adults? We will give them a quality life, a well deserved life. I will really try hard to make it all work, I promise. Please, help me with this.

Really? And how would they relate to the historical evidence of our reality? Don’t you see there is just so much more to you and me than what our eyes can see? It would be like leading a split life.

I don’t want to exist between lines.

We always will… No matter which side of the line we are.

Some months ago, I received an email from one of my readers. She was a lesbian lady who had come across one of my posts on Gaysi and wanted to tell me that she appreciated my support for the gay community. I wrote back thanking her and telling her how some of my close friends were gay and that it had given me a chance to see the difficulties they faced because of discrimination. At the end of that conversation, she asked to meet me, adding ‘if you don’t mind having coffee sometime with a dyke’. Of course I didn’t I told her, wouldn’t that be silly after all I had said? Later, she invited me to a party, telling me that there would be mostly gay people at the party. I didn’t manage to make it to that party after all. We’ve had a few conversations since then, about general topics, the kind that I write about – life, love, friendship, people etc.

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