One such hurdle I am currently trying to overcome, is understanding my sexuality. Most of us go through phases where we question or experience something unique in terms of relationships and the kind of love we accept.
Here, bisexuality is more like
like gay, but not gay enough,
like double the options (or so you think)
but eight times the panic.
People putting up the pride flag outside Sambhaji Park where we were to assemble for the pride, community friends hugging each other, I just felt like I was among my people.
An abnormality he thought,
And then with himself he fought.
He thought of himself as foul,
So god's help he sought.
But contrary to my imaginations of it being fun, polyamory turned out to be a piece of work! You had to make time for multiple people, albeit in different capacities, and be honest with each one of them, including yourself.
From the deep, deep world of fandom and AUs, gay couples made their rounds as the side story of many YA books and Wattpad fiction I devoured as I grew up.
Like a panacea, a magic formula for all sickness
Or the ancient supercontinent Pangaea,
Panromantic and Pansexual is an affinity
Less to do with gender and more to do,
I stand still looking down at your hand holding the knife,
My body is trembling with fear but you want me to pay you with my life.
The spectators want me to plead for forgiveness in this time,
So forgive me, for I didn't know love was a crime.
A piece of adhesive
Of the colour red.
The scream of a woman -
“Chakka hai ki ladki?”
Her spectacled eyes
Upon my bindi.
All my three years as an undergraduate in sound school, I was the only girl in an entire batch of around 70 students. I figured I’d have no problem blending in with other boys as I always thought we were very much alike. But apparently, they didn’t see it that way.
A lot of people have questioned my gender identity. I have a rather dominant masculine exterior which is often mistaken for me wanting to be a man.
I don't see my queerness or my non-binaryness as the only relevant thing about me. But often, without my consent, it becomes the only thing relevant about me for others, especially in public, which in turn forces me to constantly perform to be allowed some basic things.
I was confused for the longest time because I used to think that there are just gay boys/girls and heterosexual boys/girls. I did not know about bisexuality until class 9th.
I clearly remember when I first dreamed about a family. It was the day I read about WHO report and how homosexuality is not a mental disorder. Sitting in my bedroom I decided that I will get married to a guy, have a small house, have kid/s and a pet (mostly dog), and will live happily ever after.
It was a Wednesday morning, I was eating my breakfast before I had to leave for work, and my mom came to me and asked, out of the blue, if I had ever been harassed for being gay.
first time I put a dress on
no, not a dress shirt!
it had polka dots and flower pots
a ribbon at the back
to accentuate the waist
or cut lunch some slack
Are you wondering why I am talking about gender and sex? Like you do now, I too had many questions, curiosities and anxieties about gender and sex.
The closet was made
Of charming mahogany
Made with the blood
Of a conservative household
Sacrifices of the heartless
Where we actually are in the UK; part hiding, part free – looking over our shoulder before we kiss. As I glanced back at the other people in the cinema, a million miles away from us… fear someone would see me cuddling a girl was acute.
I once asked her what she identified as. She proceeded to tell me that while she identified as pansexual, she chose to tell people she was bisexual. At the time, this was a little tough for me to understand. However, over time, I began to understand why she did it.