The first time I saw her was during a school assembly, where she was nominated to hold an important position (she won later on), and so needless to say she was famous.
I boarded the Queer Express in June 2016- it was the first time I considered the idea that the reason I felt nervous around pretty girls, and always felt a guilty excitement at the thought of reading lesbian fan-fiction- was because I experience attraction to women.
I started college and along with that came new people, new stories, new ideas. Suddenly I had a friend who was thinking about transitioning, exchange students who didn’t fall into the binary segregation and even a gay couple in their fifties giving us a talk about gender and sex dynamics. But this isn’t when everything changed, it changed when a girl with dimples and superhero t-shirts told me she liked me.
when i joke and ask her/ what if i was in love with a girl,/ it is not a joke either.
now that the private is political
am i a liberal because i don't kink shame myself
or because i go around calling marx "karl daddy"
As a neurodivergent queer person, I have always had problems with sudden input of triggering content.
I sit in my room every day now
Waiting for your call
To hear an “i love you” from you
With ‘you’ being all of me.
You fumble and drop sentences, your leg trembles and beats a staccato rhythm on the pavement while she patiently hears out your half-complete, constantly backtracking stories, nods and keeps brushing her hair back.
Two people came along that sparked off another incredible alchemy within me. A messy change that scooped the confetti off the ground and merrily tossed it into the air again.
Intersex people spend a lot of their lives doing this emotional labor for others because they are inherently responsible to be born an error.
It's been on my mind
For a month or two now
I'm not any different from who I used to be,
Just one secret down.
As a kid, I wanted to be the strongest girl in class; I wanted to hand-wrestle better than any of the boys, and have them stare at me in admiration. They did. I could beat all of them in a single sitting.
she's a habit. an 8 am class that I take, a 5 pm phone call that I make, my best/worst muse.
By the time I was 9 years old, I had decided that Nikhil from Daddy would break my heart at the tender age of 18 - leaving me floundering in a state of melodramatic, bangle-breaking depression - until I was ready to be rescued from Heartbreak™ and my own female fragility, by my superhero: Raj from DDLJ. But alas, my childhood fantasy remained unfulfilled.
I am taught by these women
fortunate enough to have had them raise me
whether in my house or oceans away
Over the years, I’ve experienced a plethora of WLW crushes of fluctuating degrees – which usually range from sugary-sweet and ecstatic to mind-numbingly painful. Upon introspection, I’ve been able to pinpoint 6 crushes that almost all WLW experience at some point in their queer journey.
When I joined the course, I was excited to share my experiences with the class. But with time I realised not everyone was interested. Most of them didn't interact with me, asked questions, or exchange their experiences.
If I wasn’t feeling like shit because I was turned on by girls (one girl in particular), I’m sure I would have found something else to hate myself for. I was young, female, loud, and had a body. Society does this to you. It moulds you till you are all soft woundable spots, and then it makes you kick yourself.
I tried to remember if the booth on screen is the same booth that I and my partner usually go and get a security check from. I couldn’t recognise it. I stopped thinking and concentrated on the film.
I want to tell him how I feel,
How I struggle to sleep,
That fear of the two letter word,
Makes me weep,
He is The Only One.