she's a habit. an 8 am class that I take, a 5 pm phone call that I make, my best/worst muse.
By the time I was 9 years old, I had decided that Nikhil from Daddy would break my heart at the tender age of 18 - leaving me floundering in a state of melodramatic, bangle-breaking depression - until I was ready to be rescued from Heartbreak™ and my own female fragility, by my superhero: Raj from DDLJ. But alas, my childhood fantasy remained unfulfilled.
I am taught by these women
fortunate enough to have had them raise me
whether in my house or oceans away
Over the years, I’ve experienced a plethora of WLW crushes of fluctuating degrees – which usually range from sugary-sweet and ecstatic to mind-numbingly painful. Upon introspection, I’ve been able to pinpoint 6 crushes that almost all WLW experience at some point in their queer journey.
When I joined the course, I was excited to share my experiences with the class. But with time I realised not everyone was interested. Most of them didn't interact with me, asked questions, or exchange their experiences.
If I wasn’t feeling like shit because I was turned on by girls (one girl in particular), I’m sure I would have found something else to hate myself for. I was young, female, loud, and had a body. Society does this to you. It moulds you till you are all soft woundable spots, and then it makes you kick yourself.
I tried to remember if the booth on screen is the same booth that I and my partner usually go and get a security check from. I couldn’t recognise it. I stopped thinking and concentrated on the film.
I want to tell him how I feel,
How I struggle to sleep,
That fear of the two letter word,
Makes me weep,
He is The Only One.
It’s a chilly, Friday evening when Maulana – with his wide, expressive eyes and ochre, paan-stained teeth – announces that Islam considers the marriage of a man and a woman to be a contract. You giggle and blush, unaccustomed to conversations about the M-word.
how do you know it's girls?
i wonder as my friend comes out to me
how do you know the limit of your love?
and somehow, weird quizzes dragged me all over the internet
My family, for one, cherishes a ritual that I like to refer to as the "chai peelo, sab theek ho jaayega". The chai peelo, sab theek ho jaayega or CPSTHJ is a delicate ritual that must be performed every time an uncomfortable truth is brought up.
The acronym LGBT+ came in my life when I had a feeling I might love women. I was not sure until I turned 20. Before that, I defined myself as heterosexual ? a woman who loved men.
Here, bisexuality is more like
like gay, but not gay enough,
like double the options (or so you think)
but eight times the panic.
I have been told to be less so many times – be less big, be less loud, be less intimidating, be less of so much. I have been less so many times.
Loving someone who is in the closet taught me how to manage my feelings and changed the way our everyday lives unfolded. I realised that being with someone who is in the closet means respecting them and their privacy, and being supportive.
The heterosexual notion of a family ? father, mother, and children needs to change. I want to say there are other kinds of family.
It is a sexual and emotional orientation that identifies with having intimate and romantic relationships with any and every gender.
I shall retrace our footsteps- which do not exist anymore, a thousand times over. Then visit the quaint little bookshop we went to, sit in a corner, unobserved & longingly sigh.
An intellectual phenomenon, almost
Ready for you to stare at but never touch
And debate what these clothes mean, this hair, this skin, this nail hanging limply at the end of my
An armchair critic up to the age of 30. I finally decided to take the plunge and come out publicly in 2004. I had been out to close friends and family for a decade. The catalyst for my activism was the Islamist movement and its growing influence within communities like mine in Luton.