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Can Two Gaysis be friends?

Posted by Queer Coolie on Jun 7 2011 at 3:33 am

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Queer Coolie

I am sure we have all heard the more common avatar of this oft lamented whine - Can a man and woman be just friends?
In homosexual relationships, platonic and non-platonic ...I often wonder if we have cause to whine the same. On looking around, I frequently wonder if two lesbian women can get along and be friends and just that with nothing else clouding the pond of sapphic sisterhood? What about gay men?

Give me your 2 cents, Right here! [ and phone number if you are a hot lesbian sistah...I rest my case ] :D

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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Broom

Isn't that the stereotype of lesbians? That after they break up they still remain friends & also become friends with their partners exes & their exes partners? :)

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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Shri

I think they can. Some of close gay friends are my "type" and I am attracted to them, but that doesn't come between our friendship. Attraction is slightly a distraction in the beginning, but once friendship grows it sort of disappears.

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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Anurag

I have a lot of friends who are queer women that I am not attracted to and never were. And I agree that if there is an attraction, it often dies after the friendship develops. But I do find it hard to establish a sister bond with other queer women compared to straight. Even if it is established that the relationship is platonic there is still some awkwardness... it's hard to feel like family with someone who could *technically* be a potential partner... it shouldn't.

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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Rashmi

Are you talking abt 2 gaysis or any 2 people with a similar sense of sexuality?

My 2 cents,
While it an be a distraction at times, particularly during times of vulnerability, it is possible. I have always believed that true friendship transcends the initial physical attraction.

Let me challenge you - why would you think physical attraction means a negative thing in the relationship? I think this is a carry over that the Q community has from a monogamic-straight community that treats "sex" as divine. If you start thinking of it as necessity or as a form of expression, then it is tantamount to several other things we humans go thorough - touching, cuddling, hugging, ....

My thoughts might be radical here but my motive here is to just drive home the point that may be relationships with benefits is after all a relationship as much as a monogamic, or polyamorous, or open or no 'just friends' might be.

If we are true to ourselves why cannot us individuals define what "friendship" means. In other words, it is subjective.

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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Queer Coolie

I didn't see any phone numbers. Darn.

Broomy - I agree there is a stereotype of "becoming friends" with your ex, their exes and everyone else in "The Chart" ... but thats after the deed has been done.
However before that, more often than not out much to my chagrin ... between two queer women there seems to a possibility or an expectation that perhaps ...just perhaps something may happen here, as Anurag said!

I agree with Rashmi on friendship being subjective.. benefits, sisterhood, brotherhood, monogamy, polygamy are all negligible in light true friendship. Because like Shri mentioned, all of these other things just fizzle out ...but they still complicate things. Especially at the start. and with complications come drama. with drama comes ...more drama.

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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Lady Jughead

Of course they can be just friends. Often, when two people meet, there's an automatic appraisal that happens to know if they can be a potential partner or not, like Anurag said. And this happens regardless of gender and sexuality. And just like in straight relationships, you get attracted to some and not with others. *shrug*

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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Shri

@L Jughead : Agreed. So What's the story between you & QC? Ha ha.. I am only kidding!

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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Broom

@QC I have queer friends. MJ, you & several others. So, yes.

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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chipmunk

Hormones. Makes you do funny things, doesn't it?Howmuch ever we deny, attractoin exists. The level differs, yes. But given the percentage of queer people...unless its san fran or köln..adrenalin,serotonin and estrogen team up to conjure an intoxicating cocktail that makes us want when we can have it. And then want some more at the first sight. But it dies. then its awkward. And then you are friends.

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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Aarti

I don't think its impossible for two gaysi women to be friends as long as the relationship was always platonic. Its the non-platonic relationships that come with their own complications and drama :D

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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MJ

As Rashmi pointed out; relationships are defined by the individuals involved. As long as those involved are happy....it doesn't really matter whether they are "just" friends, friends with "benefits", friends with "sisterhood"...whatever.

Sigh! So many women...so little time!

PS : @ QC : Baby I have all the numbers. Come come. Take take. :D

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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Madhu

I'd have to agree with MJ and Rashmi about relationships being defined by the individuals involved.

In my personal experience, every gay male I've encountered so far has fallen one of these five categories:

1. Guys who elicit a strong emotional response because of their sensitivity/goodness -I can't be 'just friends' with this group, because my feelings for them run deep and I get emotionally invested in them.

2. Guys who elicit a strong intellectual response because of they're on the same wavelength as me -again, I can't be 'just friends' with this group either, because their intellect draws me out and I start falling for them.

3. Guys who elicit a strong physical response because of their looks -it's difficult to be 'just friends' when I've got a raging hard on the whole time I'm with them. lol

4. Guys who are a combination of two or more of the above -Irresistible!! No way I can be 'just friends' with this group!

5. Homosexual men who neither arouse my emotions, nor mental faculties, nor basal desires -yea, I guess I could be 'just friends' with this group, but honestly, I'd probably just feel too disinterested to even bother with friendship.

So I guess my answer would be no, I can't truly be 'just friends' with a fellow homo regardless of whatever act I might put on the outside. ;)

Posted 12 months ago | Permalink
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Shri

@Madhu : Ha ha! Interesting & Candid response :)

Posted 12 months ago | Permalink
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Rashmi

I thought we were friends. We aren't? Then who is going to send me "thattai" ?

Posted 11 months ago | Permalink