Gaysi Community » Love & Relationships

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   Rajat

   Hi all, this is rajat, recently joined this community website...writing this love story of mine....some thing I have gone through recently...So lemme start my story....The name of the characters and places may not be true...xcuse me for that....So this is rajat basically from delhi working in b'lore....M gay....realised this long back...lookin for a relationship....wanna spend my life wid a guy...M 28....tryin online to make my dreams come true...here begins my story...so once online I chatted wid a guy named Vinay....from delhi....I was in blore that time...was soon planning to leave for delhi on a vacation...So lemme tell you about Vinay...that small 18yr old guy...a small school boy....a hi poped on my chat window from his side...he started telling me dat he is facing problem wid physics in his schools....since i was good in physics i told him i wud help him out....he wanted to go offline...so gave me his phone no. and went offline...I also gave him my no as well....but dat no. was not working....since it belonged to delhi nd i was still in blore...as i reached delhi...and put my delhi sim i started getting miss calls from vinay's no. I called him back...he asked me whos dis...i told him m rajat....his frst question was when are we going to meet...i told him I had jus arrived and wud need some time to meet him...he kept calling me regularly.....talking sex....I wasnt intrsd...he was too young....to smalll..and i was not lookin for jus sex....i asked him if he had a ny problms wid physics ..I wud help...he was nt intrsd in physics...
   Then few days on we decided to meet..it was a december evening in delhi...it was quite cold...we met in park quite close to my home...when i met him frst time..i felt he looked much older den his age....he was quite silent during our frst meeting...i questioned..he replied..he was quite thin...i jus told him I could lift him wid my two hands...and did the same...he was like put me down...
   I wanted to go back...it was getting late...he told me why cant i spend more time wid him...i had to go bak....
   I nvr knew if he liked me...i didnt kno if i liked him too....few days on i got a call from him...asking me...why i havent been calling him ever since we met...is it that i didnt like him....i said i was busy wid my family...since i have come bak aftr long time....he wanted to meet me again...i told him....we shall meet soon....but i didnt get time....he got angry....one day he called me and told me....he doesnt wanna meet me again if i dont meet dat very day...I said lets fix tmmrw and aftr big fight we agreed on nxt day...I had gone out...got late to meet him...v decided to meet at a metro station...he was waiting for me at a metro stn....i was almost one hr late....he decided to go bak with out meeting me....as i got down i got a mssg from him dat hes leaving....i pleaded wid him to come bak...dat i jus came dat far becoz i jus wanted to meet him....he agreed to come bak...we met....
   In between i came to know he was basically from another state and was in delhi....to prepare for his IIT JEE Exams...
   Lets go bak to the metro station...as i met him for 2nd time.....i noticed...some thing really spl about him...his eyes...he had big and beautiful eyes.....OMG i had nvr seen such beautiful eyes...i told him dat ryt on his face...he told me he keeps getting complements....it was really cold dat particular day...he was wearing a thin full hand t-shirt...i saw he was shivering....i asked him whr shuld we go...he said he'll take me to a park near by....we went into the park...it was all empty on that winter night...i knew he wanted some thing sexual...we sat very close....i jus touched him...but den nothin physical happned.we spoke to each other......nd we jus spoke spoke and spoke....he had such innocence in his voice....i jus wanted to listen to him quitely....he spoke to me abut his studies...how he was doin really badly in his studies...how he got involved in this gay world....how one aftr another sex....dates had taken his mind of studies....he was getting emotional...he told me he was goin thru really bad times....he was in love wid some one called amar...but amar had recently got married....and broke up all relations wid him....he told me he was in love bfor as well...but all of them had treated him badly..one of the guys threw him out at mid night....jus bcoz he he didnt wanted to get F....he didnt cry....but i cud feel the emotions in his voice.....den he told me what i was nvr prepared to hear....he told me he had tried to commit suicide...he was fed up of life..he told me he has failed once.....he wud not fail this time....I jus looked at him...his beautiful eyes....the innocence on his face...the honesty in his talk...nd the emotions on his face...tears started rolling down my eyes....I didnt want him to do ny thing dat wud take him away from me....i held him close to me...and told him...Vinay now on ur not alone....U always will find me wid you...plz..share wid me ny problm dat u face...whr ever i am....dont thnk ur alone....he promised me..he wudnt do ny thing wrong...and he wud surely lemme kno....each and every details of his life...
   it was getting very cold...i took my sweater off...nd asked him to wear it...he said no but i forced him to wear it....I lifed him for 2nd time dat day....
   it was late....i had to go bak home....we walked bak towards the stn...as i told him bye and go into the stn...I jus kept thinking abut him...his talks had invoked in me the old rajat....the school boy..who had gone thru a lot of problems....during his class 11tn and 12th...I was all alone at dat time....no one to help me....no one understand me at dat time...i was realizing that time...I was gay....not able to share my feelings wid any one....I had gone thru a lot of pain....I didnt want Vinay to go thru that pain...I wanted to be wid him....as i reached home...i cudnt forget him....jus kept thinking abut him......jus thinking..how sad he wud b....
   I had to go bak to blore in nxt few days....
   he didnt call me aftr dat..I didnt kno why.....the day i was leaving....i called him.....he seemed happy and jovial....I told him I was goin bak....he told me he wud miss me....why cudnt i wait till valentines days...he wanted to b wid me....on dat day....I could sense he was not so serious abut wat he was saying....I felt I had become too emotional abut him...he was not dat sad....it was good..he wud b happy wid out me as well....for the last time i told him....u remember wat i told you....any problems..u'll share wid me....he said he wud surely do dat ....i told him i have to hang up..go bak and pack...he was okie wid it...
   as i reaced stn dat nyt...i got a mssg from him...dat he wud miss me....and i shud call him aftr i reach blore....

   Posted 7 months ago | Permalink

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   Rajat

   I reached banglore...got busy wid my work...cudnt call vinay for long time....aftr almost 3 days..i called him to give my banglore's no. He seemed sad dat day....he asked me why I hadnt called him for dat many days...i told him..i was busy...in some time...he was okie wid it....v spoke for some time....
   den i cut the call.....he called me many times in between...but i cudnt attend to his callls...he got really angry again...i guess he deleted my no.....few days latr when i called him again...he cudnt recognise me....i told him...i knew he wud have deleted my no...i asked him..how cud he do dat to me...didnt he feel i was different from others....i wanted to share his problems...how can i forget him...
   den on we spoke almost daily...for hours...he shared all his problems wid me,,,he told me about his sex dates....his studies and what not....few days later....once i called him...he phone was regularly goin off....i was scared...imagining i hope he had not done any thing wrong......few days later i got a call from a land line....it was he vinay...i was really angry....why he didnt call me for so many days..whats wrong wid him...he told me his phone had got stolen....i asked him how he managed to get my no...he told me....he had written in his dairy.....i wanted some of his frnds no...i told him he does not need to make calls...i wud call him....he told me he will call from some of his room mates no...in some time he called from one of his fnds no....i told him..how much i was missing for past few days....dont do dis again to me...
   we spoke again for long time...he had few frnds staying wid him...he gave me few no.s....some time on dis..some time on dat...but we spoke...every 1-2 days...den he told me one day..he had come to blore....for his enginering entance exam...I was really happy...i wud see vinay aftr such a long time again...he also seemed to be happy to meet rajat again aftr long time...I planned out his trip....we both were couting the days....desparate to see each other....one day on phone he told me...rajat kab woh din aayega jab mein tumhe fir se dekhunga.....
   the day came....he was in blore...ryt in front of me..i cudnt imagine vinay.whom i had met in delhi..was wid me in blore...he complemented me..i was looking smarter....i told him he was beautiful like always...
   he stayed wid me...we slept together but nothin much ever took place...as always we jus spoke spoke and spoke...he told me his childhood stories..his sex stories in delhi....how he felt about delhi....i jus quitely enjoied he innocence...i took him out...once i took him to a lake...as we sat close to lake.....it was night time....he kept his head on my lap and slept...my hands stroke his hair....we were listening to the song....aaoge jab tum sajna...the famous song from bollywood movie JAB WE MET.....it was my frst romantic moment wid him....i wanted the moment to never get ovr...
   den the second time..came....once in bus he kept his head on my shoulder....i jus held him tightly to me...he was tired....i wanted him to b wid me always....like dis...
   I didnt kno if i was falling in love wid him....
   i noticed....he was always chatting wid guys....finding new ppl to go for sex dates aftr he goes bak to delhi..he nvr hid any thing from me....he asked me...if i had some sex dates..I didnt like it...but i quitely said no....i didnt belive in sex dates..i belived in love...
   Jus few days bfor...he left bak for delhi...he told me..he had met someone spl ovr chat...dat guy..a 33 yr old guy...was lookin for relationship...I really didnt like it...i wanted to ask him...who was i...what was he trying to get out of me...what was i for him????but i didnt...i didnt want to scold my cutie pie...
   the day came...he had to go bak to delhi...i was really sad....he was goin away from me...i told him...I wud b really missing him....he told me..he wud miss me too...but i nvr felt dat seriousness in his voice....he was desperate to meet the new guy in delhi...i was sad...but i didnt say any thing...
   he boarded the train...i hug him tight to me...not sure whn i wud see him again....i cud see the sadness on his face as well....i said bye and turned bak....i cudnt control my tears....i jus walked bak...crying...very badly...vinay was goin away from me....ppl looked a me...why i was crying...i cudnt control my tears....not knowing...why i was crying...why i was missing him so much......what was between him and me...
   Its too late...i need to go to sleep....will continue soon...

   Posted 7 months ago | Permalink

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   Rajat

   I havent got ny comments till now....
   Hope to get some soon...ny ways i wud continue my story.....
   he went bak to delhi...called me from delhi....dat he has reached....few mins we spoke...den he left.....
   aftr dat for long time...he didnt call...i was sad...i was really missing him....aftr few days..i called him...he was on a sex date...it made me more sad....he called me latr..tellin his boy frnd whom he had found during his stay in blore is coming to delhi to meet him...
   again for many days dere was no calls...i didnt kno wat to do....aftr few days he called again...he told me dat guy whum he met was not good..i mean not good by looks...he didnt like him....may b i was happy some where....may b some where i felt we can still b together again...
   we started speaking again....for long hours....his class 12th results was abut to come...he was tensed..i tried to comfort him...i was praying to god....asking he shud pass....the day came....he told me if he fails...he wud do something...i asked him not to do any thing...i was with him...some time later he called...he had failed...in 3 subjects...i was really sad....he was crying badly...nd if i see him crying...i cant stop myself....
   he didnt do ny thing bad....he was really sad he had to leave delhi....no more sex dates..his family was really furious on him...dey wanted him to come bak asap...
   I told him dere is no way..he needs to go bak...nd where ever he goes m wid him....
   He went bak....to his home town....no calls for some time again...i wanted his new no...he called me few days latr again....giving his new no...he seemed sad....but was pretending to b okie....i tried to comfort him...
   he called his other frnds in delhi as well givin his new no. Many knew he was of no use to them ny more....dey nvr cared...but for me makin him happy was most imp....
   he didnt used to call me much aftr goin home...his parents were already angry wid him...dey asked him to jus sit and study all the time...
   he used to mssg every thing he used to do...
   I had to go to delhi again...i was in delhi..when one day he called me and told me...Rajat if aftr few years i say "I love you" wat will u say.....??? my reply was i wud tell u den....he wanted the reply immediately....i said...i wud b happy to b wid you...i was really happy dat day.....atleats he felt he loved me....
   he used to mssg too many times every day........some times dat used to irritate me...but i didnt want to make him feel dat....i jus kept quite..if i didnt reply to his mssgs....he used to get angry on me....
   i remember one particular incident...one said i mssgd him...U kno Vinay i m lookin really smart today...every one is staring at me...had u seen me today....u wud have surely proposed me...i got angry reply from him..."I can get much bttr lookin Boy frnds den you...."dat was his reply....it broke my heart...I didnt reply....he kept mssging....i kept quite...he called me some time latr...i didnt pik his call...i got busy wid work...when i got free..I saw his mssgs...wat do u thnk of urself....ur trying to hurt me....why ur not piking my call...he called again...i was really angry...what had i done....i jus said i was lookin good dat day....i didnt pik his call...aftr some time...got his mssg...i wud nvr call you again....dnt call me ever...i didnt reply again....
   V nvr spoke or mssgd for many months...i mssgd some fwd mssgs him some time....he replied who is dis....i knew he had deleted my no...i jus kept quite again...nd jus prayed hopefully hes happy at home....
   den even i stopped mssging...den aftr almost 3 mnths i mssgd him.....he replied...why ur sending me fwd mssgs.....why dont u call me...i replied i wud call u tonite...i was missing him whole day....i wanted to hear to his sweet voice....i called him at nyt...he asked me kaise ho?? I replied tumhare bina kaise ho sakta hoon...v spoke again for long time..till his parents wanted him to come bak...he told me he intentionally didnt want me to spk to him....he wanted to b alone.... he wud have called only aftr his class 12th results...if it was bad again...he wud not live any more...bfor he dies the person he wud surely like to spk to is me...jus me...bcoz i was always good to him....
   he had met few ppl at his home also..i mean some gays he met online...once he called me and told me abut some body caled anand..who was really sweet.....he said he was falling in love wid him....talking to him was different...he was some one more den a frnd...he liked spking to him more den me...I was stunned at once...once whum he had jus met...was so imp for him...nd me....nothing....but it was always like dat....few days latr i came to know anad was not speaking to him any more....
   i went to delhi in between...he called me..once...i was wid a old gay frnd of mine...he called...i always used to pik his call...i didnt want him to b alone even for one second...i knew how lonely he was....he wanted to spk to my gay frnd....i gave the call to my frnd...he spoke to him for some time....my frnd gave me bak the phn...i said i was hanging up..i had met my frnd aftr long time....he got angry again....he told me..to kno my status...he can get ppl much bttr den me....jus dat he was not trying...my frnd heard all dis...he asked me whum i was talking to...i told him the story....he asked me how can i tolerate such crap....i told him....dnt feel bad...vinay is very good by heart..jus dat he gets angry easily...
   his class 12th exams were near...almost 1 yr had passed...dis time his exams went on well....it was time again for entarnce exams...it was time again for him to come to b'lore...i was so happy....i wud meet him again...i knew he was happy too....he told me...he had become fat staying at home...he wud surely try to reduce his weight...bfor he comes to blore.....
   da day came again...i saw him in the station...he had really grown bigger..not the same old childish vinay...he looked big..nd serious....i hug him....nd he hug me tight....
   we stayed togethr.....he had found some gays in blore whum he wanted to meet....dis time i spoke openly...now ur between ur admisions...stop all dis...do this aftr ur admisiions....i didnt speak to him whole nyt....next mroning..he told me....did i want him to stay wid me or not...if i want..he can leave immediately....i hugged him....i told him...i wanted good thngs to happen to him....dats why i was stopping him....i wanted him to get settled....our fight was over...
   I took leave from my office...roamed arnd in the enineering collgs over the city....tryin to find if he can get thru donation....we were waiting for his class12th marks....he called his parents tellin dem the amount the collgs were asking...his parents askd him not to dream...and come bak...he wud stay at home...until he got by merit....dey wont spend dere money on him any more...he strated crying...he didnt want to stay at his home town wid his parents.....he wanted to stay in a metro city........i consoled him...i promised him...i will spk to his parents....i will get him admission in a metro city.....
   he had to go bak home...his entrance was over......many of his entarnce results had also come....he didnt get thru in any one...he went bak home wid a sad heart....
   I was trying to get knowledge about coollg admission all over India...tryin dat he gets in a metro city....I wantd him to happy again...I had promised him....I kept him updated..his parents were bent upon keepin him at his home town.....
   His 12th rsults came...he didnt fare too welll..dis time tooo....altough he passed...he was shattered....lyf was over for him....now his parents wud make him study at his home itself....i told me not to get depressed...
   I guess one evening he was crying..whn i called him.....he sounded really sad...i cud feel he was crying...he asked me how i knew...dat he was alone...I told him vinay..if ur sad....m sad too...i knew...when he wanted me the most....I really knew...whn I shud b wid him....
   I was contiously teling him ways to get into a metro city...i asked him to go back and join DU...but he wanted to b an engineer....
   I went to delhi in between...i was trying to find abut DU admisions.....i wanted him to try atleats...now dat enineering seemed out of reach....he was sad..he wantd to try bcoz i wantd him to try.....
   I came bak to blore...suddenly..i came to kno of an agent....who was ready to get him admitted to famous engineering collg....wid out much dnations....dis time i spoke to his family...dey were ready to try.....
   his came wid one of his relatives...dis time to blore..ready for admissions...he didnt stay wid me...he stayed at a hotel dis time...I met his uncle....hes was really nice guy...v gelled well...he was quite formal wid his uncle arnd...
   once his uncle went...he told me..rajat u look so handsome today.......Had I not dumped you...I wud have kissed you today...nd he held my hand and kissed it....i didnt kno...to feel happy or bad....I was dumped by him...I didnt kno...dat.......
   Ny ways......i went arnd wid him and his uncle for admissions...da agent asked for money in lakhs....his uncle was able t get dat much money at once...I told him..i wud give...he can return me latr...I knew if i dont give money......dis time...his admission wud get stuck again....
   aftr giving the fee..his uncle came to me and told me....I have nvr seen a person like you...whos ready to give lakhs to unknown person....we shall b thank ful to u for life...I knew...i was doin dis bcoz....I loved vinay...vinay was not dere to see all dis...
   it seems uncle told him few days latr at hotel room...he immediately mssg me...why u did for me.. rajat.......now m under borden for whole life.....he said thanx..i didnt reply...i did dis becos i loved him....dey retruned the money in few days.....bfor leaving...
   the nyt bfor he left......his uncle told me in front of me....vinay u shud nvr loose a frnd like rajat..u wont get ny one like rajat........his uncle went away..he came and wisphered into my ears...ncle doesnt kno for dat we need to get married.....i smiled ad went away.....
   he went bak.....waiting for his coolg to start.......he called me once and told he was finding a lot of new gay frnds in blore...he wud spend time wid alll of dem one by one....I was really sad......I didnt tell him....who was I??????????? Aftr being wid me for such a long time....now dat he was comin close to me....he wanted to find new ppl..didnt he relealise..Rajat also stayed in the same city.........he cud spend more time wid rajat now...I didnt want to fight wid him....he seemed happy...i didnt want to make him sad.....
   His finally came wid his baggage to blore..ready for admissions...jus as he reached blore..he met few of his new online frnds....he came and told me abut dis...i told him...dont tell me .....ur happy..b happy...dnt discuss it wid me.....
   I felt i was getting possesive abut him....I didnt know when did dis happen....but i didnt want to share him wid ny one....
   his collg began...it was a strict collg...dey didnt allow him to go out much...he called me and told me....he was feelin lonely dere....i planned a movie outing...but his coollg ppl didnt allow....
   his brk came....he asked me if he can stay wid me...since he didnt want to go home...i said he doent need to ask me ...his most welcome...
   his brk began...i was not at home when he came in.....i had given my key to my neighbour....when he came in...
   as i reached home at night...i found him sleeping....he was lookin so thin and tired...i didnt wake him up......aftr some time he woke up by himself...i went and sat next to him.....stroking his hair..holding his hand......he held my hand as well....
   I came to know he had planned some dates wid his new found frnds ... didnt stop him dis time....I was really sad....rajat was next to him...nd he was caring for others...but i didnt say any thing...he went for few dates...non sexual once...
   he den one evening came bak aftr a sex date......i didnt feel like lookin towards him...he started tellin me abut his date.......i ask him to keep quite....he kept quie...i didnt spk to him whole nyt....i didnt get sleep...i felt he too didnt sleep....
   nxt morning..he again started tellin me abut his date....i asked him to stop...he nvr understood how bad i felt....he didnt understand why i was doin dis....
   his brk was ovr..it was time for him to go bak....to collg....nd it for time for me to decide....what i wanted to do wid dis relationship...dis one sided love....
   He went bak to collg.....he called me aftr reaching....he told me he has got a new gay frnd in his his collg....whos really sweet...
   It was time for Rajat...to decide....He had done every thing he cud do for vinay.....jus becos he loved himm....wid out askin for ny commitment....he tried to deliver every thing he promised to vinay....but all was worth less...ppl who used him on bed and forgot him were more worthy for him den rajat...rajat was jus a frnd...to share his sadness....nothin more...rajat was not worth loving..even aftr all dis.....whn in dis gay world ppl dont recognise aftr the nyt is ovr....here was rajat..who tried to do every thing he cud for vinay..but rajat was worthless for him....
   As i write dis story..jus 3 days bak...i have decided to brk all contacts...wid vinay...I have deleted his no. from my phne...told him m goin out of station....I dnt kno if m doin ryt or wrong....but i cant b da same any more...I realy loved him...nd i wanted his love bak...
   his happy in life now...he got a new good frnd too....
   I jus wish he will be happy in his new life....I miss him a lot...i cry for him daily...but den...i want to b away from him....as away as possible....
   As i try to go away from him....my heart asks me dis question....why cant vinay b urs....why doesnt he realise....dat u love him....i try replying...he nvr loved me...i was dumped by him...it was my mistake to love him...i have to go thru the pain...and get away from him....
   But my heart..wants vinay to b wid me....I dont kno wats goin to happen now....some where in my paryers i ask god...to give my vinay to me...but....
   As i end my story......not knowing wats goin to happen nxt....I have tears in my eyes....missing those beautiful eyes......nd dat innocet face....nd most his honesty...one of the most honest person i have ever seen in my lyf....may b i wud nvr forget him in my life....

   Posted 7 months ago | Permalink

4. 

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   One-track mind

   Hi there, dear Rajat, first off, i'd say you have a heart of gold. I almost burst into tears towards the end of your love story. Yes, a most painful love story it is indeed. True, love does hurt, but then again, love heals too. Do care to e-mail me at gay_boys_love@ymail.com. I'm gay, 22 years of age, from Delhi. I am so very lonely, and would love to have you as a friend. This is no booty call or suchlike, rest assured. It's just emotional bonding through friendship with fellow feeling. Keep smiling. Take care. And yes, don't forget to send that email, will you? See ya. :-)

   Posted 2 months ago | Permalink

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