Inter-cultural conflict in gay/lesbian relationships

Hello fellow Gaysis,
I've been lurking around this community neighborhood for a while and reading/listening to some very interesting topics and stories. Currently I am going through a lot personally and feel a bit lost (though my friends would argue "what's new?")…

Anyway, I gathered some of you have inter-cultural relationships and was wondering if people will be willing to share their thoughts/experience in dealing with cultural conflicts.

Do partners/gf/bfs from other cultures find your relationship with desi parents hard to understand? Do they think that Indian parents and kids have weird co-dependence behavior that is so enmeshed with respect/family/society that it never lets you individuate from them?

To briefly summarize my soap story: Coming out to parents is hard anyway but my being an only child didn't help. I didn't want to lose my parents, so I've been trying to show them that I've not abandoned them but in the process my GF feels abandoned (my Mom visited me for 31/2 months and as my GF and I live apart, let's say I hit rock bottom in all my relationships) and has developed a deep resentment towards my attitude with my parents.
As she doesn't see MY standing up to my parents as really standing up and from her perspective that dynamic would never change.
On the other hand, my parents think I've abandoned them for HER. They think my life revolves around her and I am not really gay… just reading the books and thinking that way made me gay! And of course coming to US and San Francisco on top of it totally changed the bio-chemistry in my body!!!

Anyway…. any thoughts?

Thanks,
SS

Hello SS,

I read ur story and I knew I had to reply. I understand ur situation as I went thru a similar situation-only diff I am in the process of coming out to my mom. I am a step out of an inter culture relation and one of the main reasons was becoz my sister has a hard time accepting me being gay. Its the drama between by sister and my gf that lead to the end of a beautiful relation. If the other culture doesn't understand our co-depence on our families, our families don't do a very good job at accepting individuality of each family member. So am brown and am gay- deal with it. Wait am drifting off topic here. My point was in an inter cultural relations its important for ur partner to understand ur family ties and should respect that. Its very important that both the partners have this understanding else one of you would be drifted away from the family-ask yourself do u want that? I'm sure not..don't feel resentment towards ur parents. They need time to understand and see that ur partner can take care of you and if ur partner is considerate enough to spend some time/gestures with ur family-it wud help too.

I understand 3.5 months is a lot to be away from ur gf and its not easy for either partners (ur hormones go crazy) to c the other's view and ironically both the parties are rite on their own. Its funny u ended up in Frisco of all towns-how gay can u get!

- Another SS from another very gay Canadian town! :)

Community