Hi guys,
I'm Sai. I'm doing my engineering somewhere in India, and I'm gay. Being Indian and being gay is pretty tough and I'm pretty depressed all the time.
I knew I was gay ever since I was 10 or 12 and I've been reading about the same online ever since. I'm pretty confident and okay about my sexuality.
I had my first crush in the pre-final year in school and he rejected me - although I'm pretty sure he liked me. I've gotten off that, but I now have a crush with someone else who is straight. I'm sure I can get off this in a year or two, but it's been really, really painful so far.
All the depression lead me to come out to some of my best friends. Five of my best friends know I'm gay and they have been extraordinarily supportive. I came out to my Dad a few months ago and he told me that I need medical counselling or something of that kind - but once I explained him everything, he turned around and he's pretty okay with me having a gay partner now. I'll come out to Mom next, but I'm sure she'll be supportive as well. My sister wouldn't mind and I guess she probably would know my sexuality.
There are a couple things I'm concerned about:
1) Can I find another love? True love. I have this crush with my straight best friend because I've spent a lot of time with him and both of us know each other. But I'm not sure if I can find someone in the future who's gay as well as love me. I mean the chances of me spending time with him and actually falling in love is minimal right? One of my bisexual friends met someone in school and is in a relationship, but I haven't had such an experience. Can I find love naturally, just like people find their partner in heterosexual relationships? I'm not sure if it's even possible in a country like India. Will it just happen? Will things fall in place?
2) Assume that I find my love and that my partner has convinced his parents about our relationship, I definitely think we need to move abroad. I'm 19, and to be honest, I run side-businesses that make me a chunk of money and I'm pretty sure I can earn above average when I get out of college. But can I really live abroad comfortably? I ain't sure. Are there safe gay places in India where one can lead a normal daily life or is it better to move out of the country? I think it's the latter, but I'll be more than happy if someone can enlighten me about the same.
3) I really have this crush on my straight best friend but I want to get out of it. Any help about it will be greatly appreciated :)
Thanks!
