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1. 

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   Broom

   A reader would like some advice. Please read her story & tell her what you think. As always, be nice.

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   I live in a small town in India & teach in the univ here. I'm divorced. I'm a bi woman. I'm also very strongly on a spiritual path.

   After I walked out I moved to Delhi where I fully discovered and embraced my bi self. I felt liberated. However, due to some circumstances, I needed to come back and get back to the same milieu that I'd been working in earlier.

   When I was to come back I understood fully well that I needed to change certain things in my life, given that I was coming back here. I would be living in a strongly spiritual atmosphere as I usually reside in my meditation centre here. Given that, I could not indulge my corporeal side at all, let alone being bi. This was two years ago.

   Its interesting as to how society places u in separate air-tight compartments - a person who is very strongly spiritual is not supposed to have a single sexual thought, let alone be so weird as to think or bring up any other aspect of their true identity.

   So here I am, pretending to be almost like a sanyasi, with a total conflict raging within me since I'm unable to openly declare my reality, my true identity. I'm living a dual life, where I'm unable to embrace both my equally strong realities simultaneously.

   I can't mention it here as the univ society is just so small, restricted and narrow minded that I'd almost get thrown out. My students will begin regarding me differently, when at the moment I'm one of the most popular teachers around. Despite being students of media studies their minds are so narrow and prejudiced its unbelievable. They mention the word 'gay' as no better than animals.

   I also can't come out to my family. :) they wouldn't understand. Despite being part of the medical fraternity, Indians don't like to accept reality. My mother would be horrified. My sister will ensure her daughter is kept away from and never talks to me, n at the moment her daughter treats me as a role model :) ironic or what!!!!??? :D

   I always thought I was strong and have always said things upfront and stood by them. But given the location I'm placed in I find myself unable to do so. Coz I'm so strongly identified with the spiritual organisation that I'm a part of that a statement like this by me will get reflected on the organisation.

   I don't have a single soul who I can honestly interact with and be myself totally and truely, knowing I'm welcome and accepted for myself.

   How do I tackle this? How do I come to terms with this reality - bring a balance between the two?

   Looking forward to hearing from you on this :)

   ========

   Posted 11 months ago | Permalink

2. 

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   Shri

   Dear Gaysi Reader :)
   Hugs! It is indeed frustrating and painful to be in the closet with no end in sight. I totally understand your circumstances and why you are in the closet. This is a common Gaysi narrative : Stuck in the closet, because of family and the society, even though we are comfortable and proud of who we are.

   Two suggestions :

   1) Internet! Yes. Make cyber friends. It worked for me when I was in the closet. My online friends were my support system. They still are (though we are friends in real life too these days). It is definitely possible to find like minded, sane, simple, sweet people on the internet, trust me :) You can also indulge in cyber sex too, if you are into it.

   2) Long Distance Relationship! Why not? I am sure you can take a break and escape from the small town on weekends or may be once in two weeks or once a month? You can and you should!! By relationship I mean - Friends, flings, fuck buddies, whatever works for you.

   Hope this helps.

   Love & Hugs,
   Shri

   Posted 11 months ago | Permalink

3. 

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   Rashmi

   I think its a matter of finding the right balance even at the behest of letting go off something that one might endear. From my own life, I have at multiple times tried to purge my identity (as a transgendered woman) by throwing off clothes over and over again (quite common in the Trans world) only to find myself in my rightful place time and again, up and until i embraced myself. May be you should think what you can do about it. Even if it takes a little longer (I am saying 1-2 years) it might help eventually. I will tell you what I did and I hope you can draw inferences and help yourself.
   1. By the time I was in college I decided I had to get the hell out of my home town, for multiple reasons - just to be away from my parents (and getting some breathing space) and also for a career move. I wanted to gain financial independence so career was very important for me and I did go and get a Masters degree.
   2. Come to terms with myself and prioritizing what I wanted . This as pretty much like making a list of "cannot live without", "can work my way things" and "not a big deal". This made my transition and being honest to myself a top priority. To be able to live and be perceived as a woman 24/7 was the most important thing in my life. After 4 years, am still on the path but everyday I am happier than the day before - I am happy I made the choice, I am happy I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
   3. I let go off a very loving relationship. But since both of us were mature and loved each other so much, it hurt first but looking back , we are happy we did it for ourselves now.

   I am a strong believer in hard work and determination. Everything needs hard work- relationships, work, transition. But hard work is sexy too, isn't it?

   As I said, I started living for myself first and found out by doing that my relationships with friends have been very honest and true to heart. The Indian culture lost its way somewhere by emphasizing on selflessness. But I think the true meaning is lost. If I am not happy, neither will those who surround me. Frankly, to accept I am queer and ust as "normal" as any person needs some critical thinking. I did my part and got over it. If otehrs did not , its their problem not mine. I am better off being alone and out of the closet rather than being in it and living in suffocation.

   Good luck dear! Dunno if this helps but feel free to email me. We can take this offline.

   Posted 11 months ago | Permalink

4. 

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   rocks_archie

   Thanks Shri & Rashmi. :) Would be gt to make new friends who are as comfortable in their skins as I am with myself (society notwithstanding) . Would love to connect through e-mail, but how do I do that here? :)

   Posted 11 months ago | Permalink

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