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1. 

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   Anurag

   Is it possible to have a complete, honest, and trusting friendship with a straight-identified person? What should we expect of them? ie: How much should we expect to share with them? And what should we have to listen to?

   Posted 1 year ago | Permalink

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   misszero

   I think it's entirely possible - and that it would be unhealthy to not have any straight friends. I would expect the same things that I'd expect of any friend - kindness, loyalty, a good sense of humor. And I'd share just about anything I'd share with any friend too. I'm out to basically every close friend, straight or not. I don't understand the part about what we should have to listen to - we'd listen to whatever we'd listen to from a normal friend?

   Admittedly, I get really annoyed when queer people only have queer friends, and have this chip-on-the-shoulder approach that straight people are something to be wary of. Granted, I know that some straight people have that view of us, but that doesn't mean it's okay to reciprocate in kind. I feel like if I want my identity and my relationships to be validated by society in general, which is majority straight, then I obviously have to be able to have complete, honest, trusting friendship with straight people. I don't think straight people are the enemy - and having that kind of viewpoint only takes away from being able to have our relationships and our very selves accepted by everyone.

   I don't feel that sexual orientation or identity have to be a pre-determining factor when it comes to friendship. If I like a person, we can be friends. But I can't be friends with anyone, queer or straight, that isn't accepting and open-minded about everyone.

   Posted 1 year ago | Permalink

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   LaVidaLoca

   MissZero said it well. I am straight and don't particularly care who does what in the bedroom.
   I have some gay friends and they came out to me at various times- when I met them to 2 years later. I only care if a person has a sense of humor and a personality I can get along with. LGBTQ equally welcome in my life. Totally judgement free.

   Posted 1 year ago | Permalink

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   Anurag

   The above posts are based on the assumption that these straight friends are not homophobic at all... I was more curious about what to expect from straight people who do not always understand or want to listen. What is reasonable to ask of a straight friend who is not taking the time to understand and listen? - and I am going on the assumption that we can agree that straight people are privileged in our society.

   Posted 1 year ago | Permalink

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   Anurag

   And by how much should we expect to listen to, I meant that if straight friends are not listening to us and "don't care what goes on in our bedroom" then should we have to listen to stories about what goes on in their bedroom? A lot of my straight friends like to talk to me about their sex lives, but i honestly don't think they could or would be able to handle hearing about mine (NOT a universal statement about ALL straight people, obviously).

   Posted 1 year ago | Permalink

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   misszero

   Hm...I suppose I haven't had to deal with much of that before. I always felt like if people couldn't accept and support 100% of who I am, I couldn't maintain that friendship. And even if I didn't intentionally curtail friendships with people who were mildly homophobic, those friendships ended up fading because I wasn't willing to issue myself gag orders around certain people. I suppose that wasn't very fair of me, but it's definitely how things went down.

   I think if a straight friend isn't taking the time to listen and understand, just remind them that you're exactly the same as them - just your interests lie in other places. But you all want the same basic things - great chemistry with a partner, positive relationships, a great sex life, etc.

   As far as talking about sex lives...for me, I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to people about my sex life, whether it involved male or female partners, unless I was very close with that friend, which would already require them being totally accepting. But I think if I had to talk about it with someone who was a little uncomfortable with my sexuality, I'd probably joke about it - like "oh hey, that was too much info about what goes on in your bedroom, here's the scoop on what happens in mine!" or something similarly light-hearted. Obviously you wouldn't want to offend your friends, but I don't think you should have to listen to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or left-out. I think a good friend, even if they felt awkward hearing the dirty details, would get over it eventually.

   Good luck!!

   Posted 1 year ago | Permalink

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   tink

   I've had fairly confusing experiences in this area. Some of my best female friends are straight and I've managed to have properly open, fun conversations about anything that differentiated my life - sexual or otherwise - as queer, from dates with women, girlfriends even to just the fact that no, I actually don't find Richard Armitage in North and South irresistible. The difference is cool with us, only one more matter of preference that makes us individuals. They've made lists of hot celebrities I should date (fairly silly and collegey as we are) and watched lesbian romances with me.

   On the other hand, I am actually a bit more reticent about telling a gay woman the honest truth about a lot of my experiences. I don't quite know why this is. Naturally I do have those lesbian friends any lesbian needs, with whom there's no possibility of romance, and with whom I like to be just the same as with my straight friends and we have all the same fun, and it's more fun, naturally, when we can share things about romance and laugh together. Yet, outside of this cozy group, I'm extra careful when I'm opening up to a lesbian woman about things. Psycho-babble welcome!

   On the other hand, yes, I have had to contend with the fact that a lot of straight women (not all, of course) have this general tendency of prizing friendships with men publicly over their friendships with women. Which I've found odd and irritating.

   Posted 1 year ago | Permalink

8. 

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   Anurag

   @ Tink: That does make sense that it would be harder to open up to those where there is a possibility for romance. I use to feel that way in the Lesbian community. I was in a Lesbian sorority in college, but most of those ladies were definitely not my sisters! They seemed to be looking at women as objects without feelings, which made it impossible to talk with them about real feelings. But now that I have found meaningful friendships with queers and allies, the only requirement seems to be genuinity, intellect and compassion before I bare my soul.

   Posted 1 year ago | Permalink

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