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The Boys return to my lesbian life.

Posted by tink on May 6 2011 at 4:51 am

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    tink

    Now that you girls are in my head part of the people I think of as "my people" (haha!), I suppose I can ask. So, I went back to India this last time, and had a nice, flirty date with a man. For something like the first time in ages, I actually wanted to be with a man. This has sort of made me think, because I think honestly now, it's the person not the gender really. Because I wouldn't have gone out with this man if he hadn't ticked all the boxes I'm usually looking for, i.e. he was considerate, open to the long conversations I so enjoy, argumentative, incisively intelligent and very good looking in a not so macho/traditionally sexy sense but in an entirely charming and pleasant way. Why wouldn't I go out with someone like this just because he's a man, I wondered. And so I went out. And liked it. But that doesn't mean anything to my sexuality, oddly. I mostly prefer women even now. Strange is life.

    I wondered whether the fact that he is about three years younger than me mattered a lot to this. While he's an incredibly mature nineteen year-old (sigh! a teenager!), I'm the um... older, more experienced one in the relationship, which is a dynamic I like with anyone I'm with. Maybe that's all there is. I wonder.

    Comments, ladies?

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    Broom

    Ah! So THIS is what you were referring to in your email.
    I've wondered about this when I've looked in to the eyes of George Clooney and Kunal Kapoor. I think they're incredibly hot but I think at the end of the day, I'd miss the breasts! :)

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    MJ

    @ Broom : Kunal Kapoor?? Like really?? Tell me pray tell me you are joking? You shall be forever banished from the Clooney clan for mentioning *that* man in the same sentence as the God who sets women * age no bar * on fire * in a good way of course *.

    No seriously, KK looks like sad * not even scary * version of a scare crow. I mean look at the jaw line, a dead giveaway.

    Anyway, enough of the ranting. Coming to Tink's Q, I agree attraction knows no gender, could happen anytime any where. Personally, have been out with some really fine men. Flirted a little. But that was it for me. Within I knew, that this wouldn't last. And like Broom, I'd miss the breasts! :D

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    Queer Coolie

    As requested ( more like demanded) Tink - my sage words as a forum reply !

    @MJ - Scarecrow? Tch. Tch. I agree with Broom! Kunal Kapoor, Viggo Mortensen ( as Aragorn) & Clooney all have this thing about them that appeals to me - in a vague " you are aesthetically pleasing in a way that doesn't offend me" way. Not sure what it is - but while I understand they are hot and when I see them think "wowza!". I don't really 'feel' it - if that makes any sense.

    I am inclined to agree that attraction has no gender. But people are inclined to want in a particular way - and I am guessing that is where sexuality figures. Perhaps some can make that a choice and perhaps some can't.

    But ditto, I'd miss the breasts. and the softness. and umm...other things :D

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    LaVidaLoca

    Maybe you feel in charge and hence the attraction?

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    tink

    LOL :P I agree with Broom, MJ and QC on the breasts! true enough. Or maybe I'm a bit bi, haha (that will be an interesting coming out if it turns out that way). And yes, LaVidaLoca, that could very very well be it!

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    Broom

    @QueerCoolie: There is clearly no accounting for MJs taste.

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    Jane Doe

    Like I've always said, its not WHAT, its WHO. And if someone ticks all those boxes we've thought of, that person's in. Man or woman.Honestly I think we're engineered to respond to traits, more than anything. Sure you'd miss the boobs, but I think I'd miss some stuff about men too. You win some, you lose some.

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    Madhu

    Totally agree with Jane Doe.

    I thought I was only into guys, until I met this one woman who managed to reach through to me in a way women had never been able to up until that point, and never have since. She had this surprisingly vibrant personality (a la Anne Hathaway) which I would've never guessed existed behind her demure kohl-rimmed eyes. She kept me on my toes intellectually with her extensive knowledge of post-modern French literature and our mutual obsession with Russian composers; she was impressively worldly for someone who'd spent her childhood living in an ultra-traditional household situated in the heart of a rural village in south India; she was beautiful in a mondern-day-flowing-tresses-nose-ring-bearing-graceful-bharatanatyam-dancer kind of way; but most of all, her laughter was flirty, warm, seductive even.

    Bit by bit, as she kept unraveling things about herself, I felt myself falling under her spell, and darn it, I genuinely got turned on. It was compatibility on a scale I hadn't experienced with a woman before.

    That one date with her was a thoroughly enjoyable affair, and the experience left me seriously reconsidering my assumptions about human sexuality. Ultimately though, I chalked it up to the novelty/rush of such a revelation.. Upon reflection, I reasoned that I would probably miss the firmness/brute aggression of a man's touch, and that experimenting with her was unfair to her. I told her about my disposition and my hesitations about dating her, and though she was gracious in thanking me for my candor, the look in her eyes told me she felt betrayed. In any case, she walked out of my life after that, and though I ought to have pursued her to see if we could at least remain friends, I never called her again.

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    sasha

    @Madhu, I can relate to what you have posted, except that I feel you shouldn't have let such a woman go. But then again, this is just my view.

    Now, I definitely find Shahrukh Khan, Sanjay Suri, Purab Kohli hot among the desi men and Brad Pitt, Ben/Casey Afflecks, Ryan Seacrest, Neil Patrick Harris hot among the non-desi men.

    I remember having a crush on an insanely hot guy at work some 9 months ago. I remember him having this nice chest that I fantasised feeling someday (forgive me for being candid).

    And then I left that workplace and joined this new place where I fell truly, madly, deeply in love with a girl younger than me. Now, she had nothing on the checklist of the kind of husband I was looking for all my life (or at least I thought I was looking for), but the kind of connection I have had with her is intense. And, I have ended up confusing her to the point where she still doesn't know what she is. Yes, I have invited her to this site and she will find answers soon, I hope.

    But my point here is, that guy I crushed on, was really hot and though I felt attracted to him it was nothing compared to what I feel for this woman. So yeah, I wouldn't mind flirting with men (again, I mostly like them younger, or at least those that look younger :)), but if I have to choose a life of bliss, I know it has to be a woman :)

    I guess all of us have some percentage of bisexuality :)

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    Easy Seasons

    "Gender is something between your ears, not between your legs" - Chaz Bono

    And like Jane Doe said : its not WHAT, its WHO.

    Jus find the WHO, and dont care about the WHAT. :)

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    TheSK

    This is actually tink. I have merely lost all login details and had to re-do. Hello! And thanks :D I completely agree now. The boys made a rather dramatic return to my life recently. Oh, the madness. I am now given to thinking that it is indeed the person, not the gender. Not at all the gender. The year has so far involved two amazing romances - one with a woman and another with a man. And I think I'd never pick one of the two as the better one in any way. Which was something I was a bit surprised about. I've never genuinely felt good with a man before. Such is things I guess. It's a happy Tink anyway.

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    Rashmi

    I believe Gender is between the ears too like Chaz Bono. BUt we are talking of sexual attraction, not gender identity here. That said, I believe settling with smone I a comfy with is more important than what their gender is or what if they don;t have a gender like so many genderqueers out there.

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