I was disheartened to not be able to do anything about my urges, feelings and thought process. I was experiencing a major sexual shift between a man and a woman at the same time. I read more. I realised, that amidst a huge spectrum of sexual identities, both men and women get lost and end up in an identity crisis.
She describes her ordeal of being presumed as a cishet writer that profited off of queer stories. Her personal life was scrutinized after Love, Simon released in 2018, based on her book, and became the first gay teen film to be released by a major Hollywood studio.
What I remember is for days, weeks after that, I feared that in my sleep I would be sent away to some freaky conversion camp or something. It got better over some time. But after a few months, the news was filled with reports of a bisexual girl in India who committed suicide after she ran away from a conversion camp her family forcibly sent her to after she came out to them.
Puberty hit at 13. I began noticing boys. I learnt about the male and female sex organs and how babies were born. I also continued looking at the athletic girls with flat chests and pixie cut. When you are young, you don’t have the critical faculties to understand that stereotyping based on someone’s appearance is wrong. But something about these sporty girls was fascinating.
Five out of six filmmakers were women. The odd one out, and first in the line up was 6:23 am by Geoffrey Breton (please note that the ‘Boys Shorts’ film category didn’t have a single female director, which is: not surprising).
I got really tired of being a woman who had to be “perfect” at every turn. I could not have a many days where I could sit and do nothing because I was depressed. It was frowned upon. Depression is frowned upon.
As someone who had been the new kid too many times and didn’t have a close group of friends, I longed to fit in somewhere. I desperately wanted to be a part of the queer community. I took so many “Am I Gay?” and “Where are you on the Kinsey Scale” quizzes, modifying my answers to get the result I wanted.
But if I’m being honest, I don’t know if I deserve to be deep about my experience as a bisexual, because that aspect of my has been the easiest to deal with. Sure, I’m not out to my family, so that’s a struggle waiting for me in the future.
The so-called “mainstream” safe spaces designed for LGBTQ+ people are failing to serve some of the most vulnerable in our community and, therefore, are no longer fit for purpose. Work needs to be done to challenge the “mainstream” LGBTQ+ spaces in order to create change.
Many queer people of colour have a number of experiences with racism within the “mainstream” LGBT+ spaces. Microaggressions from the doorman at the club is common, often being asked whether we know that it’s a “gay venue”.
Living a bisexual life is to live in the shadows. To exist in the grey. You belong in the straight world, yet you don’t. You belong in the queer world, yet you don’t. Because our desires are both normative and deviant, we’re suspects everywhere.
I instantly had an impulse to pull her close to me and kiss her on her the curve of her neck. I fought that urge and decided to walk out and light the cigarette for her instead, she always had trouble with matchsticks. She breathed in the smoke, made a cloud that enveloped her face, I noticed my mouth was open in a rather odd fashion and immediately stiffened as she passed me the cigarette.
I look down at my rainbow socks, I used to cover them with black school stockings. I stare at them like I stare at my abyss and get caught up amidst flashbacks.
Tae would always watch, after her husband left for the day and the house was quiet. Empty. Lonely. She would simply watch. They would not meet; they would not talk.
I'd usually talk about the main protagonist Jane Villanueva because she's my absolute favourite, but Petra and JR definitely need to be talked about, too. Who are they, you ask? Petra Solano is Jane's sister wife and Jane Ramos aka JR, is Petra's first lady.
In her live video, she recalled incidents of solitary confinement at a mental health centre because her family believed that they could "cure bisexuality." She had been a subject to domestic abuse and mental torture resulting in depression and suicidal thoughts.
Mae and George both are characters who are attractive in their own right, but neither are characters who I actively crush on as a queer woman myself, but more as flawed people I can identify with and learn from.
The world has gone into an unpredictable and unprecedented lockdown period, and however cringe-y Four More Shots Please! is, it’s a relief to see places that aren’t the four walls of my modest apartment.
The music video for Temptation, the song that helped her– and many other Desis, I imagine– come to term with her sexuality, is also similar to her other music videos, and now, almost two years later, Raveena has come out with a new single ‘Headaches’ that is unapologetically queer.
Spreading smiles, and love to everyone I meet, I am a popular girl, you know, the bubbly and cuddly piece of happiness, everyone wants to have a share of.