I think the precise moment I realised I am not straight was seven months ago, when I felt strongly attracted to a woman. The weird part of this attraction was that for the very first time, it was only physical. So far, I was familiar with the physical-only attraction only to men. To suddenly have this for a woman I was meeting every day was a tad bit frightening at first.
We hugged. I cried with relief. Knowing I finally had someone I called family on my side. Knowing I wasn’t rejected for something that had not been my choice. Hearing I wouldn't be loved any less.
Relationships are all about communication. We don’t leave things for the other person to guess. We speak our minds and don’t prolong an argument beyond a certain point. We have set our priorities of our professions, parents and life. Both of us understand and appreciate the other person’s view point. We also have great friends, mix of straight & gay, who make our life nicer.
When you share your inner most self you allow for recognition to happen. Sometimes we are afraid of being seen for what we are and this in turn causes us to fear being available to a world we long to enter. The greater damage is how we cease to be a vivid presence to our own selves. We choose the wrong mirrors and have to deal with false reflections.
I was 21years old when I met her. Right from the start, we never had a name for this thing we had. Or have. I don’t know. I didn’t know then and I still don’t know. It’s all so mixed up in my head – the beginning, the middle and the non-end. Tangled up so much that I doubt there will be even a semblance of order in these words that come pouring out now.
"I was raised in a classic patriarchal, machismo environment and was under the impression that homosexuality was a perversion" says Bharat Balan, whose sister Anita Balan is a lesbian. He was the first person in the family to whom Anita chose to come out. She initially came out to him as a bisexual, as she thought it would make things easier for Bharat.
"It was a huge shock! I couldn't believe that it was happening to my family.It was very difficult for us to accept." Rekha Shah remembers the day when her daughter Amy Shah came out as lesbian, a decade ago. Rekha and her husband always wondered why Amy was not interested in dating boys, but weren't really prepared to hear that Amy was a lesbian.
“A Person may step into the past for a short time, to find something of herself she left behind or to understand the persistent ache of an old wound. Many times such a journey brings its own healing. At worst, she may simply put it behind her and go on”. – Namet, “When Women Were Warriors: Book I"
Our regular public meetings are informal support spaces for queer youth. And we wholeheartedly invite participation from everyone who believes in what we stand for! This is your space to speak your mind, share your experiences with respect to coming out to family, friends, realization of your sexuality, your specific interests or what you exp...ect from a queer youth support group like QCI.
I may be a somewhat bitter person at times, but if there is one thing I am an optimist about, it is trust. I believe that if someone holds such a place in our lives that we have entrusted them with our friendship, there is a mutual respect born that builds a foundation for trust and loyalty.
When I first realized I was into girls, and only girls, things seemed so clear and easy. I had finally figured out the reason behind the unhappiness and discontentment in my past relationships. I finally embraced a significant part of myself, and in that moment, I was finally able to piece together who I was, instead of who I had always wanted myself to be.
As emphasis is frequently placed on father and mother, marriage and family it seemed like the whole universe centered around the love between a man and a woman. This was particularly pertinent as this was a stage where she prepared to enter puberty and ‘boys’ and ‘love’ were soon going to be an important part of her life.
Priya had so much fun marching. "I was very excited and happy to be part of Chennai's first pride march. I wanted to show to my brother and the rest of the world, how much I support him. I wanted to show people that simple gestures like this from family member mean a lot to our gay brothers & sons".
While I tried my hardest to be out and proud during that relationship with a man, I have now realized just how much I was benefiting from the heterosexual privilege. Even though my politics and identity were queer, many straight people treated me with the privileges of a fellow straight person since they saw that I was dating a man.
QAM 2011 Flag of speech by Sonal Giani. The same has been translated from Hindi to English by Gaysi reader, Anwesha.
Film schedule of the 3rd Bangalore Film Festival
I was trying to figure out why it has been so stressful trying to explain my break-up situation to my straight friends, and then I saw this video and it occurred to me that it is simple – I’ve been in a lesbian relationship! Seriously, I could take you step-by-step through that video and give you examples from my relationship.
I wrote you fairytales. Fairytales I thought you dreamed.
You did not dream so.
I wrote you kisses. Kisses I thought were wanted.
You did not want so.
I wrote …
As a little child, I spent many hours in front of the mirror imitating my mom. Wearing her saree – big bindi – and then of course the earrings and …
I guess I always knew I was different from other boys, I just don’t know why I felt different. My earliest crush on a guy was in my first year of high school I was 12. I remember thinking about this guy all the time and fantasizing about him when I got home after school and at night. I didn’t think too much of it back then, although I am pretty sure I thought there was something odd, this was partly because I knew that I couldn’t tell anyone and I didn’t, particularly not my parents.