Archive for the tag confused

Achicho! Am I a Queer TamBram?

So when I realised my Queerness was not going anywhere, I was shocked, ashamed and confused. It was intense because I was also ashamed of being a TamBram. ... it took me a whole decade to understand that being Queer and being TamBram can mutually exist.

I’m Still Standing

It's been over a month since I've returned to London, from my trip to India. I've been wanting to write about what happened there with my parents, but haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I think I'm finally ready.

Guess Which Gaysi Came To Dinner?

I questioned Curly about her implicit trust in me. Apparently Curly trusted me oodles coz I was from the Gaysi Family. That right folks, people in this family can be trusted. Tell us all your secrets.

A Call To Straight Desis

While our rates of suicide, homelessness, depression, alcoholism, drug abuse, and assault are high we need straight desis to be aware and there for us. We need them to have it on their radar and to be speaking up for us. We need them to be brave too because we won’t always be strong enough.

Reader Question

I'm a woman who has doubted my sexuality for quite a while now. I've finally after a lot of thought boiled it down to that I'm a bisexual who prefers men more than women. How common is this sort of orientation?

The Nu(Q)ear Family

I find it funny how the conservative desis in my community look down on those that get pregnant by accident, get married too young, or elope. It was especially entertaining keeping my partner's "illegitimate child" a secret for three years for the sake of these desis. These conservative desis also look down on us gaysis, but on the other hand, we often don’t have the option of having children “by accident” or getting married “on a whim”.

Queer Ears Can Listen

Recently my closest friend that I ever had and lost told me “sorry,” the apology I was waiting for but got after I stopped expecting it. She realized she needed to talk to me more but I realized I needed to listen more. I want to be that go-to friend. I want to stay up all night listening, not talking.

Dirty Desi, Grungie Gaysi

Nervously, I rubbed the baking soda and water mixture into my scalp and rinsed it out with diluted lemon juice. I was surprised that the kitchen supplies actually cleaned my hair. After getting dressed I rinsed my face with the rose and honey face wash I had made the night before. I was so proud of myself, but very amused by the whole routine.

When Unconscious

How do you know

What is really happening

When you’re unconscious?

How do you trust,

Really trust, those around you?

If you are left pregnant

And you hadn’t had sex,…

Movie Review : Black Swan

On dreary winter nights, movies billed as ‘psychological thrillers’ are probably not the cheery fare I am looking for but having heard rave reviews about Black Swan, a few nights ago my sister and I ambled along into the theatre that was packed with people. I assure you - a packed theatre is a considerably rare occurrence out here. So after squeezing into 2 seats together padded by our parka jackets, we settled in for the ride. And my! What a ride it was!

New York On My Mind

I visited New Jersey last year to visit some family friends and we took a daytrip to Manhattan. I wasn’t paying attention to the scenery, but when I was paying attention I wasn’t really that impressed. New Jersey was boring and Manhattan was claustrophobic. I was never the type of person who had the big dreams of moving to either coast, and I (unfairly) looked down at those people in High School that did because they rarely moved to those places in the end.

Epiphany #2

I had another epiphany,

At about 11pm.

I was thinking on break ups,

On their entire need to exist.

For binds that aren’t

In a toxic state,

I was amazed …

A Stonewall Of My Own

By letting you know I am Queer, I brought you into my closeted world – where the rules of society are stifling and empathy runs rampant. It is hardly a terrible place, the people in it make the best of it – they live and love when the whole world points and stares and decides for them otherwise. I knew how hard it would be for you. I knew I would be responsible for everything you went through hearing of my sexuality.

FAQueer : Coming Out?

Acceptance is a journey, parents take some time to understand fully. I work with parents on this issue and it is a struggle for many. I find sometimes a parent is very understanding and in a couple of weeks there is an issue that comes up and the same parent is saying something which makes me wonder if it is the same person speaking! parents experience a sense of loss and we need to be patient and work with them through that as well.

Epiphany

I had an epiphany at 4am

While I was thinking about that special soul

Wondering what she would tell me to do

Imagining her response – To my dilemma

~…

Self-Hate : Part 2

As I have been juggling 5 different medications for my epilepsy I have been lifeless, friendless, and loveless. As I have stopped eating I have lost weight and I have been secretly excited about it. Who is this that is excited about being skinny again? I thought I was that fat-positive queer, feminist. Where has she gone?

Sex Ain’t Like The Movies!

I have read a bit of Sister Toldja’s rad sex column and sex advice but she mostly just compares black women’s sex lives to white women’s, and obviously that racial binary is not all-encompassing. So, as QC has mentioned before, us desis can get a little hush-hush when it comes to mas-tur-bay-shun. And I can personally attest to this because this lack of open-communication about sex within the desi community has definitely affected my sex life, especially with my experience with a woman. Plus, I didn’t have my first orgasm until I was 19, and maybe that is not shocking but my white friends definitely thought it was!

The Ostrich Syndrome

There are times when I wish I could just cut off ties and be 'free'. I know that this is impossible because I love them too much. Then I have conversations in my head where I confront them and tell them how mean and hurtful they're being. 'Am I a drug dealer? Am I a prostitute? Am I a bum without a job or a future?', I demand, in these imaginary confrontations. 'Where is the unconditional love that a parent is meant to give their child?', I follow up. All in my head.

A Lovely Mummy

I have noticed that straight desi girls and ladies, sometimes the ones who haven’t been through trials, often have weak relationships with their mothers or “just-for-show” relationships with their mothers. These friends often seem jealous of the fact that I am close to my mother. What they do not realize is that it took my mother a long time to come to understand me, her youngest daughter. It was a rickety journey after which she became my lovely little mummy.
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