As was mentioned in the Pride schedule, last Monday was the first meeting of family and friends of LGBT people in Bangalore. It was moderated by Vinay and organised by Docsid, and we are all excited at the response at the meeting. The discussion was honest and far-ranging, and the end, the participants decided to continue these meetings and also act as a support group for other parents. Vinay and Docsid did a marvellous job in pulling this off! Below is the report - it is rather long, but worth reading in full.
As I have been juggling 5 different medications for my epilepsy I have been lifeless, friendless, and loveless. As I have stopped eating I have lost weight and I have been secretly excited about it. Who is this that is excited about being skinny again? I thought I was that fat-positive queer, feminist. Where has she gone?
I have read a bit of Sister Toldja’s rad sex column and sex advice but she mostly just compares black women’s sex lives to white women’s, and obviously that racial binary is not all-encompassing.
So, as QC has mentioned before, us desis can get a little hush-hush when it comes to mas-tur-bay-shun. And I can personally attest to this because this lack of open-communication about sex within the desi community has definitely affected my sex life, especially with my experience with a woman. Plus, I didn’t have my first orgasm until I was 19, and maybe that is not shocking but my white friends definitely thought it was!
Now, I am not known as an affectionate person. Strangers have been warned by others not to attempt hugging me randomly. I kiss family. Sure, I hug friends. But these folks have been around for large chunks of my life and I truly love them. Since hugs are the new handshakes, I engage in some of that hogwash as well. However, I am a cuddler. You and me be canoodling?
I have noticed that straight desi girls and ladies, sometimes the ones who haven’t been through trials, often have weak relationships with their mothers or “just-for-show” relationships with their mothers. These friends often seem jealous of the fact that I am close to my mother. What they do not realize is that it took my mother a long time to come to understand me, her youngest daughter. It was a rickety journey after which she became my lovely little mummy.
While people were always telling me that I should come out only when I am comfortable doing so and which is true of course, I still found myself procrastinating. There were stages in my life when I was ashamed of myself, to the point that I was unable to open up even in a support group. I was just so embarrassed, that I would confine myself to the privacy of my home and sit through evenings and weekends together. Even after I accepted myself , I was still afraid to come out to my family because I feared I would hurt them or just purely that I would rather take the pain on myself than sharing it with anyone else. While it might sound selfless, it was just plain stupid.
I have had some friends tell me that this queer stuff isn’t so important to them, and with some friends it’s when they don’t tell me anything about queer issues and that’s how I know it isn’t important to them.
Well, in general, some say that one should focus on their own thing because no one will do anyone else’s dirty work for them. I guess that’s a big gulp to gulp for me because I’m a social work student and I take great pride and joy in wanting to help people and help myself.
I watched Sister My Sister last night, in bits and pieces, on the net—we all know where—my eyes sore with staring at a pixelated image on the screen. It was well worth it. The constant class tension underlying the sexual tension and then the change in the interaction between Christine and Lea as the level of intimacy progresses—I think it was excellently done.
It’s the holiday season and that can bring up all kinds of depressing, I mean cheerful feelings, right? Exactly. Holiday season can be complicated for us.
During Halloween weekend, at a gay bar I let out a loud “noooooo!” when I saw three white men, all at the same time, in the following costumes: a Native American man with a headdress, a blue avatar, and Antoine Dodson the Bed Intruder Hero. Thank goodness I didn’t see any blackface!
Gay/Lesbian/Transgender Sex Resources - You turned to kill the curiousity?
The Internet - I researched extensively online: Blogs, Websites, Advice columns
Friends/Peers/Siblings - I asked others about their experiences or
As much as some straight women complain about their husbands laziness to contribute towards their daily chores, which unfortunately I have seen in a few cases, I am seriously wondering if they will be comfortable in living a life with stay-at-home husbands. Will that parents and in-laws stop viewing it in a funny way but rather accept that their son/son-in-law is someone who wants to stay at home and raise a family while their daughter is the one who brings the dough. Will, they be proud to say that he is a stay at home dad by choice and they are comfortable under their skin to accept it as a possible and good choice.
This LPGA tournament is being held at California - a state that has widespread anti-hate and anti-discrimination laws. So should any organization that openly discriminates be allowed to step in and do so?
I always thought it wouldn't be too tough for me to come out at my current workplace. Yes, there will be the initial weirdness followed by the weirdness while visiting the restrooms but largely it is a very professional environment and people respect each other and gossip less, at least not very apparently. Given there are statutes against discrimination and the firms in my geographical area are fairly diverse, coming out should not be a big surprise to my company - at least not to the HR and executives.
Growing up in a conservative Indian household, I was always given examples from the shastras and the epics on how I should live my life. On what the right and the wrong thing was. For some reason dharma was such a favorite word in the family. Except that people did not realise that it was adharmam for showering unsolicited advise on a poor, dreamy-eyed kid.
Very often, in our lives, we need to make decisions in a split second. We use stereotypes to help us get comfortable with unfamiliar situations - people, things, etc. Stereotype, however can also let us judge stuff without giving the other person a fair chance. When do we draw the line?
Yet, Masturbation is rarely spoken about – Almost as if no one is doing it ? Really ? I won’t lie. I am on a peculiar dry spell and if anyone has been reading my woes, my luck with the ladies is excruciatingly terrible. But I am a healthy, sufficiently randy twenty something with my body parts communicating with each other well enough to ensure that Masturbation is a priority.
What does a woman look for in another woman? I could probably ask what a woman looks for in a partner, but I assume it’s not the same thing. I for one, look for very different, almost opposite qualities in men and women. But from what I understand, it probably works differently for gay women.
Funny, honest and dramatic. A great novel written ever so elegantly. Being my first ever desi queer book,I found it amusing yet knowledgeable. It was cathartic at times and the love amongst the protagonists almost left me in tears. Yet I read it on only to complete it in a straight 72 hrs and with a feeling of "happily ever after".
Looking androgynous means, I am sir-ed or ma'am-ed and sometimes the pronouns switch in the middle of a sentence and oscillates between.
I remember being one of two Indian kids at my primary school, and one of maybe five kids of color. I remember my best friends as clear as day, although I haven’t seen them in person since I was about eight years old. One of them was a girl, D, whose family is originally from Kenya, the other was a boy, A, whose family is originally from Hong Kong - his family owned the Chinese restaurant down the street from my house. They had older siblings like me, looked different from everyone like me, and always stood at the edge of the playground like me. They both went off to private school and left me to fend for myself - sad day. I was too embarrassed to ever tell them I missed them.