Gaysi: The Gay Desi - Yes, we're legal!

The greatest factor that keeps us all going. One factor that plays the key role in how long a relationship will last.

Communication
The art of listening
Team work
Common goals
Respecting each other’s differences
Common spirituality
Honesty
Compatibility
Love [not referring to our modern day version of love; but the true unconditional lurrrrve]
Laughter
Fidelity
Conversations
.
.

These seem to be vital factors that keep a relationship going for most same sex couples around me.

But what about Sex? And Passion? And Romance? Why do we end up taking a relationship for granted once we attain a certain level intimacy? We tend to assume that we’re regular partners. We forget to work on the rough edges and re-work on the smooth ones.

Is it amazing when two people express romance through small gifts, romantic night outs, sharing chocolate fudge on cold winter nights, pretty sunsets, earth shaking sex in the bedroom?

Or when romance is explored from the desire to create something new…something fun… beautiful and then surrender to it completely?

It would be immature of me to ignore the fundamental heterogeneity of human personality & consider that one thing works for all. It has to be an inquiry within each of us…right?

So here’s my bit….

All the building blocks are lying in the form of crayons in some drawer of my being. And I’m picking up red to celebrate her in my life and tell her that I wake up smiling because I’m so in love with her. And a bit of pink to convey … umm playfulness?

[Guest Author: The Bride]

This post on Gaysi Family made me recall a couple of conversations.

One night I asked V what how he would react if his child told him he was gay. The thing is while I tend to analyse issues and think about these things quite a lot, V tends to coast along without really declaring himself.

Some people have these conversations before getting married to determine whether they are compatible. This is probably the sensible route but it’s not one I took. I plunged into, if not marriage, the idea of marriage and never had any serious discussion about fundamentals (except about living with his parents, which I said I wouldn’t do, and which V now says he doesn’t remember happening so that was entirely pointless). Also, V tends to be pretty much the standard Indian male, except that he does a lot more housework and seems to have a pretty chalta hai attitude to most things (except me not making the bed in the morning, which I never do anyway).

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[Guest post by - Prerna Lal. Cross-posted at 'No Borders And Binaries']

I am always asking everyone to share their stories because narratives are powerful, persuasive, and so that our stories don’t get lost to history.

I am guilty of never sharing my own story. And it has taken me a lot to get to this point but I don’t want this to be lost to history.

So I was asked to talk about what it was like to grow up queer in Fiji, and I can’t talk about it without sharing my ‘coming out’ story.

There’s two typical things in my story
1. I always knew I liked women
2. I fell in love with my best friend

And may I add this happened in an All-girls Catholic High School.

The year was 1998, I was around 13. I wouldn’t call it love at first sight but she was certainly the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She entered the classroom, late, and sat down beside me.

After the initial awkwardness, we became friends. Best friends.

After a month, I confessed that I was in love with her. She was confused and started crying. And that’s how news of my sexual orientation spread like wildfire. But she returned the feelings.

Our friends found out, so did our teachers, the principals, our parents, their colleagues and other schools in the area. Everyone knew about the two lesbian lovers at ______________________.

No one was supportive.

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I have been asked, more than once & by more than one person, about why the hell would I want to tell my parents about me and The Girl. Some of my cousins feel that I should hide the fact that I’m gay, from my parents, for the rest of my life. A few people have commented on this blog asking about this crazy need to out myself.

I know that they mean no malice & that they feel that they’re perhaps ‘protecting’ my parents. But let me reverse the situation.

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One of my best friends, V, is staying with The Girl & me for a week. V is the kind of crazy, non-judgmental, affectionate friend that everyone should have at least one of.

V was the first friend I ever came out to. He knew of all the problems I was having with my ex husband (they used to be very close friends too.) and had been trying to counsel me. When The Girl & I fell in love, I felt like I couldn’t talk to any of my friends about it because not only was I having an affair, but I was having a lesbian affair.

One day on the phone with V, I started crying and he asked me if there was was someone else. I said, “Yes it’s a woman”. His reply: “omg! Ex is having an affair?!”

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