Surprising Conversations

[Guest Author: The Bride]

This post on Gaysi Family made me recall a couple of conversations.

One night I asked V what how he would react if his child told him he was gay. The thing is while I tend to analyse issues and think about these things quite a lot, V tends to coast along without really declaring himself.

Some people have these conversations before getting married to determine whether they are compatible. This is probably the sensible route but it’s not one I took. I plunged into, if not marriage, the idea of marriage and never had any serious discussion about fundamentals (except about living with his parents, which I said I wouldn’t do, and which V now says he doesn’t remember happening so that was entirely pointless). Also, V tends to be pretty much the standard Indian male, except that he does a lot more housework and seems to have a pretty chalta hai attitude to most things (except me not making the bed in the morning, which I never do anyway).

His answer was automatic: But you have to expect that now. What he meant is that in his mind, the possibility of one’s child being gay is as likely as one’s child being straight so how could one be shocked or surprised. Now sometimes I’m never exactly sure if V means what he says – but this time I was sure he meant it.

I confessed that I might be a tad unsettled. Ironic huh? And I thought I was liberal one. My concerns are twofold:
a) It’s just easier to be straight because society already has a framework to deal with it.
b) I don’t like thinking about gay sex (ie- only the male-male version, not the female-female one).

To which V replied: You won’t be able to handle thinking about your child having sex even if he/she is straight so how does that matter?

Heh. Fair enough.

More recently, after the High Court ruling, I asked V how he thought his parents would have reacted if he told them he was gay. He thought for a bit and then said: “They probably wouldn’t tell anyone.” “But would they accept you?” I asked. “They would have to, no?” he said.

Heh. True also.

Then he added: “They accepted you.” Hmph!