Recently, a friend of mine told me that she had asked a fellow-gaysi (let’s call her ‘J’) if she would like to contribute to the gaysi site. J told my friend that she wouldn’t do it because she didn’t like the people at gaysi! Upon being asked why, she clarified that it was because we were all blogging anonymously & weren’t out and didn’t have our photos published on the site. She believed that because of this we weren’t out or proud.
Here’s the thing: if I was running a mommy blog or a cooking website I would still blog anonymously. Let’s be clear – I am out to everyone that matters. My parents, my friends, my cousins, my colleagues… Pretty much everyone that I know in real life, that I interact with on some basis, knows that I am gay. Why the anonymity? Because I don’t like the idea of someone googling my name & finding out everything about my life. I make the choice of allowing people into my life and allowing them to know as much or as little as I want them to. I don’t want people I work with to know that I run this blog even though everyone at work knows I’m gay. It’s too personal to share with them. I don’t want acquaintances reading about things I write here – again too personal.
As for the other authors that are anonymous, I won’t guess what their reasons are – although I suspect that they’re similar to mine. However, even if nobody in the world knows their identity, let’s not take away from their experience. Let’s not act like the only people in our community that are worth learning from are the ones that wear their rainbows on their sleeve. Let’s not trivialise their process of coming out. Just because you are happy to announce to the world and it’s uncle that you’re out & proud, it does not mean that somehow you’re the only one whose opinion and experience is worth listening to.
Or maybe you can practice by example and post your first article here with your real name & photograph, instead of waiting for one of us to do that?
Niceeeee. YipppeeeDeeeeDooooDaaaaa. 😀
You awesome you. Gaysi Rocks!
awesome 🙂
Awesome Broom. You are spot on when you say that this blog testifies our own realness.
As for me, i live out my love for women everyday but honestly, I find it hard to claim the identity which accompanies this love to everyone around me. And I AM intimidated by the social outrage it might bring…
This space allows me to find that alternative between silence & visibility. it allows me to share my world with gaysi community.
But J is right in some way; writing under pen name is a kind of ironic freedom!
I respect J’s position, but it’s a position of social luxury. India is a country with little privacy to begin with. Add to that SMS, twitter, ORKUT, etc and there is the very real potential for instant, vindictive backlash up to violence and death. It happens around the world too often.
Be smart before you’re proud.
Dear Broom and the rest of the Gaysi family,
Hi my name is Sonal Giani. I believe I am the J being talked about here.
Dear Broom, let me first begin by letting u and your team know that you guys are doing a great job here. I love the content of this blog. I have mentioned this to your friend as well.
I respect your opinion and the way it has been expressed but I feel what I meant to say has either been misinterpreted or has not reached you through the right source which is why it has come across as something completely different from what I wanted to say.
Yes i agree i was disturbed that the team was not out but this is NOT because i believed u were not out and proud but because i felt that if the team was out it would give inspiration to many others and would have great possibilities because the opinions shared here are very intellectual and make sense.
Although many do not agree, I happen to be of the opinion that if one shows their name and photograph there is more authenticity which would make a person like me feel more like it is actually a gaysi ‘family’.
Yes i do agree with you that we do not want to let colleagues and acquaintances reach this site by googling but honestly this site is not search engine optimized so no one would reach here unless through one of us.
Also i do not believe that people who are out are the only ones worth learning from but I do admire their courage and i want a world to exist where every person is out because when this happens every family will find one of us amongst them.
This does not imply that i don’t respect people who would want to be private. Be so by all means.
I also never even once believed that my opinion was worth listening to which is why i never wrote to you directly but i’m grateful that this article gave me the chance to express what i thought about this blog.
And yes I would love to contribute to this blog with my real name and photograph if you give me the chance to.
Thanks once again. Keep up the good work guys!
“I also never even once believed that my opinion was worth listening to which is why i never wrote to you directly”.
Really? Your writing is very coherent and conveys well thought ideas and sincerity. That’s the hallmark of a good writer, so even if your self-esteem is low, your skill is definitely NOT. I hope you are able to continue expressing yourself…gaysis need to hear voices like yours whether they agree with them or not.
Best!
Hi Sonal,
First of all – thanks for your comment.
Secondly, yes I think I got only part of the picture & that’s what my post was based on.
Thirdly, I apologise if what I said or the way I said it offended you or hurt you.
Fourth – We would LOVE it if you wrote for us.
Letting ppl into your life (real or online) is a big deal. And yes, it is wise to draw boundaries. Anonymity doesn’t make someone any less *real* you know? Although it would be nice to *see* you guys.
Hi sonal – I feel it is a lot inspiring to hear stories about people who are out. But that does not mean that those not out completely are not proud. People should come out at their own levels of comfyness. I am not out but to a few because I am worried about discrimination at work and immi. and so on and I would rather be smart than be foolhardy. I write and read blog posts because it gives me hope that I would be able to live a life like them some day. I guess this website is more about expressing one’s views and this is why there is a diverse variety (even straight and trans folks 🙂 ) of people to write articles so that there is a wide opinion on things. I would be very interested in your perception of things – either during or after your coming out. It doesn’t matter as long as you write and share. The world is not ideal. If it had been there would be no need for this site and a search for an identity for ourselves. It is only because it is a practical, zealous world that we need to carve an identity and fight for our rights to be happy, isn’t it? And That is the reason I read these posts because it gives me hope and that is enough to fuel me to get up everyday.
Hi Rashmi,
I totally agree that one should come out only when they are completely comfortable. I also want you to know once again that I do not NOT respect people who are not completely out.
Its quite the contrary, some of friends who are not completely out have really supported me.
I’m out because I could see no other way. I had been teased, hit, misunderstood in public and had been outed without my consent. I had not a single friend and even my closest friends turned weird. My parent did not know. I tried to search groups I found none. I landed on some networking site with a gaysis post on it and was told by the person that she was not gay. Things turned worse but i’ll keep that to myself.
It was only when I was entirely alone did I realise this fight is entirely my own. No one is going to stand up if I don’t come out. So without knowing any other gay person or group i came out.
I know that we all go through pain because we are different, but we have to stand up wen we are comfortable even if it means we are 80 and I think atleast the community should stop putting people down who are out. Atleast they are a face that people see and whose reality no one can erase.
Baaki sab ko jitna time lena hai lo..nahi out hona hai toh don’t be. But support.
I wish this site would have been up when i went through hell so you have no idea how MUCH i respect you all.
Hi All,
There have been quite some interesting inputs on this post. I believe that this post originated due to the misinterpretation of someone’s opinion. But the good part is, we all got to hear everyone’s views on the ‘Coming Out’ aspect of homosexuality.
This is an excellent blog if you are here to share your views or get to know more people. Some of us, who already have a lot of exposure to the gay world in their real lives, wouldn’t care much if the people on such gay blogs are anonymous or not, as we might be here, just to share ideas or add value to our social lives. But to newbies who have just started gaining some exposure and are seeking advice, it certainly matters to some extent. For them, real names and faces(pics) add a level of authenticity to the facts and views presented on such blogs. When I don’t know much myself, and I am about to make an important decision or take a major step in my life which is going to be against my family or the society on the whole, I would be a little sceptical in following an advice of someone called ‘Brick’, ‘Marshmallows’ or ‘candyfloss’ with some cartoon character as their display pic. I would rather feel stronger and more confident having people with a real name and face, supporting me. Like Sonal said, ‘it inspires to see real names on a Gay blogs’
I also agree to the fact that people might have their own reasons to hide their identity, like comfort level, privacy, fear of discrimination etc. And so their anonymity is justified. Hence we need to understand that these blogs are a virtual medium for providing support and advice. Towards the end, we need to use them at our own discretion.
Hi All,
There have been quite some interesting inputs on this post. I believe that this post originated due to the misinterpretation of someone’s opinion. But the good part is, we all got to hear everyone’s views on the ‘Coming Out’ aspect of homosexuality.
This is an excellent blog if you are here to share your views or get to know more people. Some of us, who already have a lot of exposure to the gay world in their real lives, wouldn’t care much if the people on such gay blogs are anonymous or not, as we might be here, just to share ideas or add value to our social lives. But to newbies who have just started gaining some exposure and are seeking advice, it certainly matters to some extent. For them, real names and faces(pics) add a level of authenticity to the facts and views presented on such blogs. When I don’t know much myself, and I am about to make an important decision or take a major step in my life which is going to be against my family or the society on the whole, I would be a little sceptical in following an advice from someone called ‘Brick’, ‘Marshmallows’ or ‘candyfloss’ with some cartoon character as their display pic. I would rather feel stronger and more confident having people with a real name and face, supporting me. Like Sonal said, ‘it inspires to see real names on a Gay blog’
I also agree to the fact that people might have their own reasons to hide their identity, like comfort level, privacy, fear of discrimination etc. And so their anonymity is justified. Hence we need to understand that these blogs are a virtual medium for providing support and advice. Towards the end, we need to use them at our own discretion.
@Sharkie if people with genuine stories but pseudonyms like ‘Brick’ or perhaps ‘Broom’ don’t inspire others as much as real names and pictures would, then maybe you could take that first step and post on gaysi – and I don’t mean post a comment but a full blown post with your REAL name and a photo to go along with it. This site has always welcomed contributions and always gives people the option to post either completely anonymously or with their real names.
When we started Gaysi there was NOTHING out there that I could find online for support. I googled the hell out of ‘gay Indian’ and back then in the pre-Naz ruling days all I found was one article from India Today that talked about 2 gaysis who came out after they were married. To me that article was a lifeline. It honestly didn’t matter to me that I didn’t know their names or what they looked like.
Coming back to wanting to see people with real names and photos on gaysi, I will tell you what Gandhi said very wisely – be the change you wish to see.
MJ and I have full time jobs and make no money out of this site. We have it up here because we hope it will make a difference to people struggling with their sexuality. If you’d like to help then feel free to jump in.
@sonal giani:
it’s very brave of you to use your real name here. i salute you for that. just so that you know, even if this website isn’t search engine optimized, googling for you leads to this page. it’s the first or second result. i hope you are fine with that? if you are not, do ask the administrators here to delete your comments or edit them to not show your real name.
— a well-wisher.
Dear myExWasGayAndIAmStraight
Thanks for the concern and to point that out. Yes I am fine with my name being displayed. Some years back it would have been a concern, but now fortunately it is not.
I hope to see you in the pride if you are in Mumbai. Do meet me.I don’t plan to wear a mask there either. 🙂
Sonal,
just so that you know, googling for your name also throws up youtube vids you’ve favorited. those involve lesbian porn. as well as your profiles on sites that your employers might not be very happy about… people have got fired for such (admittedly flimsy) reasons in the past.
i’m not in mumbai, so i won’t be joining you in the pride.
the world needs more people like you. very glad for you, and for your supportive family who accept you as you are.