Continued from Being Trans: Parte Dos!
I see myself as a very different person now – only better! I realised all the anger and prejudice I had in myself, was an escape mechanism for my own fears. One positive outcome of this is I know for sure I won’t have a mid life crisis:) I can never think in my life that I did not achieve anything. That would be such a big FAT lie.
I am out to my closest group of friends, a close colleague at work, my neighbors, my landlord, my sister, my waxing lady, my salonist, … . I am working towards coming out to my parents. I try to present myself as a woman as much as I can outside my work. I just started my physical transition and am on hormones now to correct the imperfections and the havoc played by the dreaded “T”. It almost feels like a second puberty, only better and with a lot of excitement this time. Beyond the physical changes, the very fact that I am doing something about my life has left me with a distinct calmness I have never felt. Life seems so relaxed and enjoyable now. I totally love my life. I do!
I love the sun rays that sneak through the blinds to wake me up every morning. I love the cup of coffee while standing in the balcony in my PJ’s unmindful of the cold outside . I love looking at the full moon that stays atop the 3 palm trees from my kitchen. Life just feels so romantic and lively. My relationships with my close friends are very open and honest now. I am not sure if they feel that but I sure do see the difference. There is no need for me to be someone else.
I am not too worried about my sexuality now. But I do feel the need to cuddle up and be with someone at times. Like all good things that has happened I am quite positive it will happen again and in no hurry. I have decided to live the moment rather than being anxious looking for the One. Remember, Gender identity is very different from Sexual identity. It is about who you are and not whom you are attracted to. And don’t call that sexuality, grrrr! That said, like everyone else, trans folks can be bi, gay, straight or asexual. We are a distinct part of the LGBT – the “T”…I feel being queer should not be limited to LGBT alone. It should include all individuals who are out there to fight against the established norms, practices, conventions and stereotypes. I would just prefer calling ourselves the Queer community.
This is just my story but every individual is different and each of us have had very unique experiences affected by a variety of factors. I cannot speak for anyone but myself and not all trans folks are like me. Over the last couple years, my therapist, my friends and all the bloggers & blogger friends out there have helped me reshape and find the meaning to my life. I have gained strength from such diverse individuals – gay, bi, cis, straight, kinky, whatever you want to all them. Knowing that there have been people who have fought the wars and made it successful in life is empowering. Growing up, I hardly had any access to such information. There are so many people out there who are shut out for whatever reasons but magically find themselves only a click away from the internet. I just hope this post of mine would help atleast one of them. I really wish it does!
Last word to anyone out there in the closet:
“Society is a big mess and everyone is FUCKED UP. Most of them continue to hide their skeletons, don’t talk about it or want to deal with it or just live the mundane life they have been told to live. So do yourself a favor by being true to yourself and be what you are and do what you want to do.”
I am what I am! I am proud of myself and I am here to stay!!
Thanks for sharing Rashmi. I haven’t come across anything, written so honestly in a long time now. It touched my heart! You’ve said so many things here, I had long forgotten, and needed to be reminded. You’ve an enviable amount of positive energy. More power to you and love.
Good for you gurl!
congratulations Rashmi !! i love your expression & your honesty. It has really touched & moved my heart. Thank You for such a powerful sharing. lotsa love your way.
Thank you all. It’s always nice to be recepient of so much love. Like chocolate, alcohol and coffee, there is no such thing as too much love…so keep it coming 🙂
Honest and touching…..
I was reminded me of the Psychiarist from “Veronika Decides to Die” where he says “Reality is what the majority deem it to be, not necessarily the best or the most logical, but the one that has become adapted to the desires of the society as a whole, somethings are governed by common sense, others become fixed, until more and more people believe, that’s the way it should be.”(Also the Qwerty).
Thanks Anand. That is one of my fav books 🙂 .I remember reading the book when I was working on womingg out to myself a few years back and I really had a deep sense to live and fight the wars by the time I was done. And I agree, reality is so misconstrued and hazy and it does not foillow the paradigm of “what you see is what …”.
To be honest, i read the book 3-4 years ago but it seems ages ago… This quote i picked up from watching the movie recently a couple of times and now can’t seem to remember much of the book(sadly). I just wanted to add “Reality is not static either, we try to hold a static image of reality and try to sustain it all our lives. But reality is a dynamic, that keeps changing on a lot of unknown factors’.
@Rashmi:
Hi, i would like to talk to you on email, a little more, on the common interests, we seem to share. i couldn’t find any other way to contact you. Please mail me at firstname.lastname@gmail.com
Hi Rashmi,
Thank you for your great, honest and awe inspiring story. After blocking out my true self for way too long I have blossomed into me, I still have a long road to travel but I am so happy to have escaped the male parasite that took me over.
Love and hugs,
Peta x