I don’t like jumping to conclusions, but there’s one conclusion I’ve come to, based on my interaction with men in the 20-25 demographic. And what I’ve come to realise is that most men are either homosexuals or homophobes. Which is not to say that all straight men are homophobes or all pro-gay men are gay. But all my straight male friends have the same thing to say- “It’s hot when its two chicks. Two dudes getting it on is just gross.”
Women on the other hand tend to be more accepting. They might not understand entirely, but I’ve rarely seen such strong reactions from women. Most women I’ve spoken to haven’t been grossed out. Granted most said that they wouldn’t ever like to get it on with another woman; but then that’s personal choice.
I have a theory about this. In my opinion men tend to freak out so much because they think of being gay as an affront to their masculinity. To the average heterosexual man, being in a homosexual relationship is like being emasculated. I’ll cite an example- my brother and I are huge fans of Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G) and we were talking about the movie Bruno. Now this is a movie about a gay fashion designer, and in true Baron Cohen style there’s a lot of lewd, gross humour including some complicated bondage mechanisms. My brother told me that he watched a little bit of the movie and then couldn’t take him anymore. I was wondering what the big deal was, and he said, “You’d know if you were a guy. It’s seriously disturbing.” And he wasn’t the only one. I’ve had male acquaintances refuse to take stands on the 377-Baba Ramdev issue, male friends refusing point blank to watch Brokeback Mountain. None of my straight girl friends do that. Every one of them watched I can’t think straight.
I can’t for the life of me understand why there’s such a disparity in the attitude of straight men and straight women. I’m neither looking to make generalisations, nor pass judgement. I’ve experience this and I’m wondering if anyone else has.
very interesting and I don’t understand anyone’s queasiness about someone else’s sexuality or its depiction in a movie. But my experience has been to the contrary – in that more girls find gay men ‘gross’ than straight guys. Perhaps it has to do with who they are interacting? I mean, the sexuality and gender of the person they’re interacting with.
They are probably scared of their own sexuality
“And what I’ve come to realise is that most men are either homosexuals or homophobes. ”
I’d say there is also a part of the demographic (a big part) that is a combination of the two. The number of homophobic politicians in the US that have been shoved out of the closet in recent years is proof of this.
Like Ravi says – they are probably scared of their own sexuality.
Women tend to be more accepting because generally in women the sexuality is a lot more fluid. Most of the women, straight or not like to experiment -if not in actions atleast in thoughts. For a man its mostly a black or white situation. Ofcourse there are exceptions. Most straight men find lesbian love hot but not 2 men because of their 3-some fantasy and not because they accept the same sex in women more. I would like to be disproved, but I am yet to find a straight man whose greatest fantasy is not a 3-some.
On the topic of Bruno, I found it very offensive and could not watch it beyond 10 minutes. And so was Austin powers. But Brokeback mountain is such a brilliant sensitive movie. In the earlier case, I found it offensive because I thought it was very gross and lewd In Brokeback, I found Ang Lee delving into complex emotions and putting into picture the love for 2 men and their emotions and sensitivities. I think the scene the first time they made love was as pretty or even better than any hetero sex portrayals in movies.
I think it is all subjective.
I have also found it easier to at least talk to my girlfriends over my guy friends on topics of sexuality. Sometimeds they just behave like a dickhead.
I agree with you Jane Doe, based on my interaction with a similar demographic.
Heres my gay 5 year old self’s take on this: Women are just prettyyyyy….( Sugar, Spice and all things nice)
Snips & Snails and Puppy Dog tails may view it as an affront to their bounded view of masculinity which is heavily dependent on their attraction to the female form.
In my experience both sexes are equally homophobic. One woman aged 29, went up to saying that she’d rather disown her kids than accept their sexuality.
And I agree w/ Rashmi, on men and threesomes and all that.
personally, i’ve not yet ventured too far in this subject, but one thing was obvious in every case, men generally do not take ‘seriously’ the idea of relationship between two women. It just doesnt get register in their head. Common quote is “You haven’t met the right guy yet.”
true! that’s right too. I hear that far too often. There was one girl who said point blank she didn’t believe I was gay. “You haven’t slept with enough of these British men. They are so good” she hilariously pointed out to me. Apparently they somehow can’t see that British or Indian, it’s the fact that they are men that doesn’t appeal to me. sigh.
My experience has been mixed. One of my best friends through the whole process of coming out was a straight man, who’s not only comfortable with me and my lesbianism but hangs out with me and my male gay friends. He doesn’t see their talking about their boyfriends one bit different from his talking about his girlfriend. Also, my gay flatmate’s best friend is a straight man. They hang out all the time and the straight man has always found it no more than amusing to be taken for said gay flatmate’s boyfriend. On the other hand, several good female friends, I’ve discovered are homophobic. And some others are, as in the case of the men you write about, only homophobic where it involves their own sex. There’s a girl I know who is, in word, very supportive, as she has many many friends who are gay, and male. But she somehow doesn’t like it when she sees me with a girl or when I talk about my dates. She quickly changes the subject or tries to get out.
“Women tend to be more accepting because generally in women the sexuality is a lot more fluid.”
If we consider that gender and sexuality are social constructs, I think that notions needs to be examined. Been googling a bit, and best I’ve gotten yet is this: (http://feministreview.blogspot.com/2008/04/sexual-fluidity-understanding-womens.html), a book I’m going to try and procure.
Currently, my explanation of this is rather parochial: women have more fluid sexualities because 1) other women have not been considered contenders by men, hence their involvement with the man’s wife/daughters can be dismissed 2) objectified, they provide aesthetic pleasure. Partly, I can also try and understand this as women finding a greater degree of freedom in relations with other women, so perhaps, instead of being an imposition by a patriarchal system, this is a form of rebellion? However, I remember reading that in a lot of cases, hetronormative ideas are simply transplanted upon lesbian relationships. Which is understandable, I guess. It’s not a clean break, but one with serrated, interlocking edges.
double standards…
all (or should i say Most) men love to be in their fantasy world. there are many so called straight men who wouldnt mind a blow job , just for the fun of it. and then they would then turn back and call us names. We cant generalize, but i have had experience of enough blows (jobs) to realize that it is common, if not a norm.
stereotyping is our favorite sport.
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I agree on the point when you say ““It’s hot when its two chicks. Two dudes getting it on is just gross.”’.. I have faced this kind of phobia so many times in my campus.. When you talk around in groups, half of my friends have seen movies about lesbians, and at the same time, are freaked out if they see two guys walking together..