We’d gathered in this tiny AC-ed room, my queer and otherwise friends, engaged in the taxing art of small talk. ‘Can’t do it,’ one of us points out emphatically, ‘my flatmates are,’ significant gap, knowing looks, and then one notch lower, ‘lesbians. And they hate men.’
My eyes popped out, fortunately into the glass I’d just raised to my lips and to my eternal credit I did not chuckle. Poor soul, I had for once the opportunity to think, she’s the only one here who doesn’t know she’s sitting next to two lesbians!
Our mostly straight friends in the know shifted around, tried to make it better. There was a time I would have jumped at such an opening. Now I find myself tired. They, however, felt compelled to do something about it. Nobody likes to be caught trespassing when it comes to the tricky territory of political correctness so our lady of the many blunders upped and said, ‘I’ve nothing against them. I’m fine. It’s just that they do hate men.’ The point was entirely lost on her.
So I sniffed at my glass of Antiquity and did a headcount. There’s A, whose best friend is a man and who’d much rather be watching football with the guys than bonding over embroidery; there’s B, whose second best friend is a man; there’s C who’s rather on the homo-social side, but seems to take men in her stride—maybe it’s all those years of training in ahimsa; there’s me—and I think most men are painful beasts but then so are most women. Maybe, I say, I know all the wrong lesbians. Maybe the fact that I am one is not apparent to our blunder lady here, because I go around behaving all wrong by not engaging all my time in hating men. Then, by the same standards, do all straight women hate other women? And straight men other men? And gay men women? What about, the imp inside complains, the poor bisexuals? Who do they get to hate, is what I want to know.
I’m really not sure why all lesbians are thought of as man-haters. I’m not a lesbian, I’m not straight either, and I don’t hate men. Or even dislike them. However, I wouldn’t be lost without them. I’ve always had a very select number of men- something that’s been very intentional. I do find men more emotionally stunted, and far less accommodating. It could be that I’ve been meeting all the wrong men, but in my experience, men have fixed notions about how a woman should be, and how other men should be.Women on the other hand, I’ve always been comfortable talking to. Most women I’ve met have been flexible, considerably less judgemental and far more supportive of people different from themselves.
And since you asked the bisexual question, my answer is that I prefer the company of women. I take a compliment from a woman more seriously, I take their criticism more seriously. Having that said, I do hope I do end up with a man who has a woman’s sensibilities about most things. More easier though would be just to have a male version of me.
my mom was beyond convinced when i came out to her that it was because i had taken a women’s studies class that “taught me to hate men”
i think my subsequent derisive snort and explanation that i am perfectly alright with men, i’m just not attracted to their genitalia, shocked her enough that she forgot about that whole line of (illogical) reasoning 😀
that one sounds familiar. my dad said the same thing. still says it, when he doesn’t choose to conveniently ignore what he knows. it seems to him that i will eventually meet the guy who puts some sense into my head.
you hate men if you are lesbian, feminist, strong willed, have a good head over your shoulders= not subservient/catering to desires/being martyr/self sacrificing.
May be the bisexual hate people from both genders…and love only pets..:P
dare i ask what about the people who hate pets?? or that’s just plain inhuman? 🙂
ok i am bisexual, my best friend is guy and he is the most queer supportive person i know. most men have been genuinely wonderful friends. So i’m guessing it depends on the kindve people u meet.
i hope i amn’t the odd one out..lol!
as for women i really can’t hate any of em 🙂 🙂 🙂
@Sonal:
////as for women i really can’t hate any of em
Perhaps, You do hate them at the subconscious level and are repressing it..[Evil grin]
The last few questions in your post… that’s what someone should have asked her to put a stop to her illogical and bigoted reasoning. One thing to let it go the first time she made a stupid remark, but the “I’ve nothing against them…” bit was asking for a put-down.
Ditto to La Vida Loca… anyone who is not kissing men’s asses ALL the time is a man-hater apparently.
While I’m not a man hater, I do think women are so much better! 🙂
Don’t hate men. Like straight men, queer men, all kinds of men. Dislike the ones who think Lesbians hate men. Or are because they just haven’t been with men.
But its not like women are plenty nicer. I got that line too from my mom when I came out to her – If-maybe-I-gave-men-a-shot-I-would-like-them *scoff*
@MadCatter – hate pets??? Now thats just queer! how odd 🙂
A couple of years back there was some news about 2 women who were “caught” in a live-in relationship. I took it as an opportunity to discuss sexual preferences with Mom. Bad Bad Idea! Apparently only a bad relationship (or incidents) make women hate men enough to turn to the same gender! She just used their bad marriages to reinforce that was the reason for changing their “preferences”! 😐
@ Anee Bunnee: wow, that’s also familiar. Only in my case the father decreed that it was because of one of my friends’ unpleasant relationship. The beauty of it all was that I hadn’t been in touch with that friend for quite some time and had no idea about her relationship. Pretty disappointing for my dad. But he still hopes that my good-girl-ness will return to claim me and shivers with fright every time he calls me in the evenings and I tell him I’m out meeting a friend. 🙂
Hope our parents come across more positive stories of Queer relationships. And start accepting being L/G/B/T to be a choice, one takes without a negative reasoning, or is born with. (Like you can see I am on the fence with whether I was born a certain way or chose to be a certain way. Nature vs. Nurture?)
Love the way you write MadCatter…