Although I lost the membership to the ‘Good Indian Girl’ club several years ago (and thank God for that!) I am on the path to expand my family like a Good Indian Girl. The Girl and I have been talking about having babies for a couple of years now. We feel like we’re finally ready to say goodbye to our sleep and freedom and welcome a little one into our lives.
We’ve been spending a lot of time with cute little babies off late & everytime I have to give them back to their parents I feel deep sorrow.
When we were in Canada, The Girl & I went to a baby planning course. Basically the course went over all the options we had – adoption, surrogacy, artificial insemination with a known donor, with an unknown donor, legalities of each option, costs etc etc etc. We also met the children of other Lesbians who were ‘graduates’ of the course. It was such an amazing experience, listening to the other lesbians talk about what they went through, talking about the pros and cons of the method they chose and above all to see the babies! It made us realise that it didn’t really matter what method we choose as long as we ended up with a healthy child.
The thing that we spent most time discussing was… sperm! Yes, really! We learned about the various avenues to procure sperm. In Canada, if you have a known sperm donor, it doesn’t matter how air tight the contract you sign with them, if the man changes his mind he has every right to joint custody of the child. We had a friend of ours who had offered to be the sperm donor but this scary fact made us change our mind about accepting his (very generous) offer.
As for an unknown sperm donor, we would have to pay about $500 for every attempt at artificial insemination. On average it takes about 2-5 attempts to get pregnant. Most sperm banks have a full medical history of the donor & the donor’s parents. They also have nationality, physical characteristics (height, weight, colour of eyes, hair, skin tone.), educational qualifications, current profession, hobbies etc. Sometimes they also have audio clips from the donor, essays on why they are donating sperm and photos of them as a baby.
We were ready to go ahead with an anonymous sperm donor and then the move to London happened, quite out of the blue, and now we’re in a new country, with new laws and no clue about how to go about this.
I’ve booked an appointment at a clinic and we’re all set to go there this weekend. Since, The Girl, is the older one between the two of us (also because I want to ease my parents into seeing me as a mother without the shock of showing up at their door, pregnant.) she is planning to carry the child.
We talked about using a sperm donor who looked Indian (someone from South Asia or the Middle East or South America or the Mediterranean) so that the child would look a little like the both of us. It hadn’t mattered to me what nationality the sperm donor would be but then The Girl put the idea in my head that we should try to get an Indian sperm donor so that the child would have atleast a partial Indian heritage. Now I can’t seem to get that thought out of my head. I think part of the reason is that my straight friends who have had children talk about how amazing it is to see themselves and their husbands in their baby and I feel this pang of sorrow that I will never have that. I would love to have a child with eyes shaped like mine and coloured like The Girls. But then I think of the children I love today, especially my best friends kid who shares no DNA with me or The Girl, but I love her with all my heart & I know that if we ever adopted a child, I’d love that child with all my heart too.
In the end, I just want us to have a healthy baby and a healthy pregnancy for The Girl. We’re still quite a few weeks away from even starting the process, but I promise to keep you posted.
Awww. Best of luck! Much braveness and courage needed. But glad you are not putting this dream away like many of us did:) or are doing!
Awesome! Very happy for you and The Girl. Congrats, good luck and hugs!
Wow, a huge step! Being pregnant, I admit that it’s kind of cool of think about how our baby will be a mix of V and me. But both V and I have cousins who are adopted and the funny thing is that adopted kids tend to grow to look like their parents. My cousin is probably of N.East Indian origin so she looks nothing like anyone in our family and we still find ourselves saying, “oh she has aunty’s nose” or that she is so like someone else in our family. Maybe mannerisms and personality count more than physical features.
Though now that you mention it… since you’re choosing the donor, why not a desi/middle eastern one so the child will reflect both you and TG racially. Also, racially mixed kids are super cute imo!
Also… I may be the first and only woman to say this… but being pregnant is horrible! You and TG, especially her, are in for a ride.
Baby Troom ?!! *lil jig* This is wonderful ! G’luck to The Girl & You !
Its nice to hear and hopefully see that starting a family is very much a possibility and while babies are far far far away for me, I like them. They r chubby and giggle. and would very much like to adopt/artificially procreate/ cuddle some of my own till age 2. Then hand them over to my sister to raise till 18.
Good Luck.
Wow. that’s a great decision… can’t wait to hear more about it. Awesome broom, TG. 🙂
Okay…so I am going to have step-sibling and you guy’s didn’t even feel the need to consult me. Thank you.
Anyway, lucky kid…will have a rock star for a step sister. 😀
Love you two. :*
MJ,
How old do you think I am? And how old do you think you are?! At 33 I really am too young to be your step mom – even though I treat you like I am your step mom.
So stop avoiding it – you’re going to be an Auntie.
wohoo. this is big. and awesome!!
good luck to you and TG. this is a fantastic news 🙂 me very very happy for you two. big hug.
Yay! 😀 This is great! You should have a boy and indoctrinate him in feminism. Kidding 😉
Thanks everyone! Will keep you posted.
(The information session went off well & we’re going for our first appointment in a couple of weeks.)