That’s right. Masturbation. Self-Lovin’. “Down” time. The much hushed-much maligned-much happening (yeah, yeah! Don’t get touchy [or do! *chuckle*] – I know you weren’t really in the other room running to pick up the phone) sexual practice. Since in this gaysi space, we don’t shy away from much – I thought a little ‘M’-talk sounded like fun. And nope, this won’t read like a how-to (not really rocket science ). More like a why-to.
Lets start at the very beginning – South Asians and their repressed sexuality. I haven’t a clue why that is because we are very VERY attractive and sensual race. By god, We all should be getting some action when we want some action simply because we are so darn good looking. But somewhere between the Kamasutra and Bollywood, sexual desire became something of a travesty. Trees. Tweeting Birds. Screw the light bulb, Pat the dog. The Barjatya’s. They have all conspired together to ensure that the world has an image of South Asians scratching their heads over a map towards their genitals marked “x” ( or “xxx’ – whatever catches your fancy).
To make things a bit more challenging because South Asians are competitive in every arena – till not a little more than a year ago, having some homo-loving in India was illegal ( I sometimes wonder how much fun illegal sex was – and it just struck me that I’ve never actually done it in my own country! O..M..G!) But that is no longer the case. What we do in our bedrooms are our own private business. And that is exactly why we should talk about our business all the more!
Touching one’s own self and soul and southern bits is oodles and oodles of fun ( For the sake of boundaries, I shall refer only to the practice of solo masturbation and not engaging in the same with another individual or partner present ) While society laments the horrors and shame of registering an inkling of a tingle between our legs or between our ears where it actually originates – The truth is we are sexual beings. And sexual desire falls somewhere in the hierarchy of needs and Masturbation is thus, motivated by a very worthy end. It makes you feel comfortable with your constantly evolving body. It releases delightful hormones to make you feel hair-flipping heel-clicking good. It is private and wonderful for your daily damaged self esteem. It forces you to think happy thoughts. It also gives you a workout (Yes pillow queens, that is what happens when you have to do all the work) Sound good? You bet. No, one does not go blind. It doesn’t really cure hysteria. And addiction is a rare occurrence ( You have as much a chance of being addicted to the fecal scent of a rare East-African bird, just to put it in perspective )
Yet, Masturbation is rarely spoken about – Almost as if no one is doing it ? Really ? I won’t lie. I am on a peculiar dry spell and if anyone has been reading my woes, my luck with the ladies is excruciatingly terrible. But I am a healthy, sufficiently randy twenty something with my body parts communicating with each other well enough to ensure that Masturbation is a priority. Not enough to be marked on my Google calendar, but yes – I will listen to my body when it complains that none of you ladies out there are taking care of it ( *whine whine* ) But I find myself never having spoken about it much. Sex? yes – it gets a fair amount of airtime in conversation with close confidantes but somehow Masturbation has come up only once and it went a little something like this:
QC [ to recently laid-for-the-first-time friend ]: “What? Huh ? Then how the heck do you know what it feels like to orgasm if he came before you did and that was the end of it ?”
Mortified Friend: “I …errr…….[silence]………………………………”
QC: “Oh! …[Bursts out laughing]”
Ok. So maybe I am not the most understanding person to have around if you have just been laid for the first time and didn’t orgasm and had fonder memories of your private sessions. But herein lie my questions about The M-Word – Do Gaysis do it ? Do Gaysis not do it ? What do you think of it ?
Say it right. Say it here.
In terms of South Asians and sexual repression… I blame colonialism 100%. There is so much evidence that it wasn’t that way before. After our bodies have been exoticized and mass-produced on “position of the day” calendars, of course it is difficult to feel in control of our bodies.
And in terms of do gaysis do it… I actually prefer not to. I don’t know why but it doesn’t do much for me 🙁 Hmm maybe I should analyze that more…
I think it’s a little facetious to believe that we don’t. We don’t talk about it (hey, we didn’t talk about sex for ages but that didn’t stop us exploding into a populous country, did it?). We certainly aren’t comfortable discussing it even with close friends or funnily enough, our partners. But that doesn’t mean we don’t. It’s a response to a natural need that often begins when we don’t even have a vocabulary to explain what we’re feeling. Somehow we grope (pun entirely intended) our way to figuring out (fingering out?).
Glad you brought up this subject though. Gaysi seems a good platform to talk about it, dealing as it does with sexuality (and not just homosexuality).
Interesting piece QC. I guess it’s a woman thing, not to talk about it.
Desi men (Straight, Queer) are very casual about it and they do talk about it…a lot!
I think it’s healthy (like all things, when it doesn’t take over your life or become a replacement for sex with someone else). It’s firstly, a very basic form of sexual exploration all children go through even – figuring out that some areas in your body give you pleasure when touched. It’s a way for teenagers to learn their own bodies and what they do. It’s a way of preparing for what sex with someone else will be like, in some way.
Great article Babe. I will do the WoooooT this time.
I think a large number of Indians have what is referred to as the “M anxiety”. The more religious your upbringing is, the greater your levels of anxiety. I think everyone goes through a period of shame and embarrassment only to discover the positive effect it has on minimizing stress levels. I think Indians are very horny people – now that woudl explain the population, isn’t it?
Hey QC..
very interesting that you brought it up.. I think gaysis do DO it..
But yes, in most conversations I have heard people talk about sex but rarely the M-word. Rather..there is still an awkardness when it is mentioned.. IF it is mentioned.. and includes me too..
We are brought up to generally think that talking about sex is taboo (seems like doing it is too).. So exploring aspects your own self and sexuality.. tauba tauba..
Somehow it seems that most people (I am ref. to those of my parents generation) seem to view sexuality and desire as something which cannot be avoided -but it is not be celebrated.. Plus the whole gender divide..
Men are supposed to be sexual creatues..and use women to satisfy their desires.. and apparently the poor woman is a prey to this lust..
Why is it not acknowledged that the woman may also have desires?
If she does and expresses it..she’s supposed to be slutty..
I was used to my values being questioned by my mom for not wanting to change channels when, for example, watching the love-making scene from the movie Ghost.
Maybe that’s why, as Shri says, men talk about it much more openly than women. It’s time we de-conditioned ourselves..
Funnily, there’s a whole bunch of people who actually don’t. Its strange really, but I’ve spoken about this with a whole bunch of people, and they don’t do it. It’s not like they’re too shy to speak about it. They just don’t. I only discovered the highs of pleasuring myself less than a year ago.
My theory is that a great majority of Indian women aren’t sexual beings. Or aren’t until they’re laid. Men rarely ever shy away from it. Women, in my experience, aren’t too fond of porn either. I have always been, but for a long, long time, I only watched. It was only very recently that I began to do more than just that.
Like Shri said, men are comfortable talking about it. I think its because men do it. A lot more.
Another thing is, most women on the site are/have been fairly sexually active. And are more sexually liberated. Half the time I haven’t the faintest idea what people are talking about,or more to the point, how that must feel.
Take a sample of virgin men and women (pre to mid-twenties), and I guarantee all the men masturbate, and very few of the women do.
I can’t speak for all the gaysis, but I can speak for myself: I do!
And I’m embarrassed to have said this in an open forum! :/
@Anurag – Give it a go again 🙂 and THEN analyze it !
@Ideasmith – We do and we don’t ! Hence, I had to pose the question – I agree with Jane Doe on this. The notion of self love does completely escape many an individual. Glad u are glad I brought it up though !
@Shri – See, I had an inkling that was the case- thanks for confirming that! tch tch. women! 😀
@Tink – Healthy it is & a perfect way to shed nerves, inhibitions and other such fears of the intimate !
@Rashmi – w000t ! thanks! 😀 indeed, we r horny. so true
@deepseas – I am completely on board with you on “De-conditioning” ourselves – Sex/Sexuality/ All kinds of love must be celebrated. Its too much fun not too !
@Jane Doe – For sure – There is a wide spectrum out of people out there with different levels of comfort with regard to their sexuality. Though I like to think there are a hundred invisible readers out there who aren’t as liberal sexually as the women on the site may be portrayed and yet, they still have a say in expanding the norm. “Its all about loving your self !” 😀
@Broom – *giggle* 😀
so far you, me and Jane Doe are the only ones who have candidly admitted to it. Thats pride for you !
QC,
“Masturbation is a priority” — couldn’t agree more! Of course we all do it.
(And in case anyone needs, er, inspiration …. come check us out at http://www.shamelessyonis.com .)
By the way, Dr. Oz says 200 orgasms a year can prolong your lifespan. http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/The-Dr-Oz-Health-Quiz/11
You’d think with all those desi med students and doctors out there, we’d be well-informed about this VERY important health measure!
QC
i can’t believe that there are no single ladies where you live who are willing to take care of your bodily needs. What is the world coming to when such an awesome and amazing person like you can’t get that? I would do that any time, anywhere and in any way you wanted me to. 🙂 i am embarrassed to admit not that I masturbate but that I do it to some of the gaysi stories here especially the ones you’ve written. Except in your stories i imagine you as the person i’m doing those special things with. I hope this doesn’t freak you out but as a 20 something gay desi girl living in Australia and not knowing any desi gay girls in real life the net is the only place i can be myself completely.
I can’t explain how your stories connect to me but they touch me on multiple levels-the physical (haha), the emotional, the intellectual etc etc. it makes me wish i lived in the US instead. Whether its secrets, smitten, the various parts of legal and bookmark i can find elements of my dreams in your stories. I thought about replying to the stories but wasn’t sure if you would read and reply to them.My only wish is to write a gaysi story (of various parts) about a girl living in a faraway land but having an internet crush on someone who writes gay stories on an Indian gay website. She travels to the US as part of an exchange program and has a chance meeting with this special person..except she doesn’t know its her and the other person doesn’t know either. It’s summer so there first date involves mangoes but also dim-sums. They have an adventurous summer full of many wonderful things. Then she goes back home but misses her times abroad. She starts communicating with that special person with emails, romantic poems etc and then of course all gets revealed in the end and they drive off into the sunset on a scooter. Of course between the beginning to the end there will be twists, complications and some climactic moments.
.As a cheesy romantic i would also include various bollywood songs. What are your favourite bollywood songs? I’m thinking Dooriyan from Love aaj kal, bakhuda tumhi ho from kismet connection and my latest fav..tum jo aaye..especially these lines…”Ho tum jo aaye zindagi mein baat ban gayi
Sapne teri chahaton ke, sapne teri chahaton ke
Dekhti hoon ab kayee
Din hai sona aur chaandi raat ban gayi
Hoo tum jo aaye zindagi mein baat ban gayi
Paaya maine, paaya tumhe, rab ne milaya tumhe, honthon pe sajaya tumhe, nag mein sagaya tumhe
Paaya maine, paaya tumhe, sab se chupaya tumhe, sapna banaya tumhe, neendhon mein bulaya tumhe
Chahaton ka mazaa, faasalon mein nahin
Aa chupa loon tumhe hauslon mein kahin
Sab se upar likha, hai tere naam ko
Khwaishon se jude silsilon mein kahin
Khwaishein milne ki tumse, khwaishein milne ki tumse
Roz hoti hai nayi..” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMbJId6ZxjA
As well as “kaise mujhe tum mile…” from Ghajini. I mean if Bollywood won’t have good stories about us i’ll make it happen.
I’d like the feedback of an expert writer like you (plus others here as well).
Would it be ok if i write such a story for gaysi? Will people read it? Of course i need to ask for your permission and the permission of the other gaysi writers/editors but would it be ok?
I hope this whole comment doesn’t freak you out or anything because i know this is the net but my internet crush is totally innocent but it expresses itself in various ways sometimes. Plus you can’t control who u have a crush on right?
PS. sorry for the super long comment
i forgot to review your gay bollywood dream sequence post.so your fav dream sequence would be suraj hua madham. that would be a cool song to have in a gay bollywood movie..i mean gaysi story as well. so if would had to reshoot that song for a gay couple would u change some of the locations or keep them the same? Any other songs? what about…this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywjuETHIUw4
It’s from the movie that the image from the gay bollywood scene post you had is from.
@Rashmi: I wasn’t raised in a religious family (both my parents and siblings are pretty much atheists) so I don’t think it always has to do with religion. For me, I think it has a lot to do with not loving my body and feeling sexy in my skin – which I think is an issue for a lot of desi women that live in an overly white country.
@QC: I’ll get back to you… haha!
it’s a guaranteed quickest way to the big O. then why not!
i do i do i do .. okay not tat much but yeah i do!
but i agree with @Anurag, the reason why most desis don’t do it is coz they don’t feel sexy enough in their own skin, and like many other things want others to take the responsibility of giving them some pleasure #sad.
@M.Svairini – Its all about the facts! Yeah !!!!
@Chicklet – U do it ! 😀 Awesome 😀
@QCadmirer – Thank you! I am umm…flattered? 😀
QC: thank you for noticing my small token of appreciation. Does that mean i have your permission to write such a story? 🙂
I would just like to say. I DO. Too.
[…] “Masturbation is a priority,” she says, and I couldn’t agree more! For me, at least once or twice a day is essential. (Why do you think I need to make up all these stories?) Three or four days without, and I am a bundle of irritation and muscle tension! I like to come at bedtime for sure, floating off into sleepyland. And in the morning it’s a lovely way to start the day, with praise … kind of like aarti, no? Sometimes I’ll enjoy myself even more often, say if I wake up at night and am having trouble getting back to sleep, or am having a particularly stressful afternoon. It’s a wonder I get anything else done, isn’t it? […]