A reader sent in this question:
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Dear Gaysifamily,
I’m a woman who has doubted my sexuality for quite a while now. I’ve finally after a lot of thought boiled it down to that I’m a bisexual who prefers men more than women. How common is this sort of orientation? Would it be more common that there are many purportedly straight women who don’t mind a little bit of action with other women on the side?
I’ve gone through your archives and have not come across any article or comment that talks about anything like this.
What do you say?
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Weigh in, Gaysis!
HOKAY, so.
the “research” says that women are more likely to “try out” being with a woman. as in, women who generally would self-identify as heterosexual tend to rate slightly more middling on the kinsey scale of sexual orientations, meaning that they’ve thought about being with a woman.
that said, the research doesn’t really say all that much because it’s not entirely current, and it also says “more likely”, but only as compared to men. it doesn’t really quantify HOW many, exactly
i used to identify as bi leaning towards men. and i know a lot of women who behave like that (as in, predominantly go for men but occasionally sleep with women), but i don’t exactly know how they identify themselves because i’ve never asked. i don’t identify that way anymore, but that’s just me.
in my opinion (and mind you, this is just my opinion), i think your sexual orientation is a lot more common than you might think. a lot of people with alternate sexual identities don’t prefer to advertise, for whatever reason, but i truly do believe that sexuality is a spectrum. i don’t think that all people are necessarily black and white with their sexual choices. but i think that people who identify somewhere in the middle, especially when they their preferences tend to be lay more towards the hetero end of the rainbow, are just not as vocal about what they like.
Honestly? Sexuality and gender can be so fluid sometimes that it can be hard if not impossible to figure out which is “more common”. I’ve gone from straight to bi to pansexual to queer to queer poly to lesbian-with-an-exception to who knows what I’ll identify with next. different labels suit different political and social aims, but either way it’s up to me and who I fancy.
Bisexuality exists along a spectrum and can take many forms. Bisexual people may experience sexual, romantic and emotional attraction towards either sex to varying degrees, and not necessarily at the same time. They may find that these degrees have varied over time but may also find that they have remained fixed through their lives.
It’s difficult to estimate the actual “percentage” of the population that is bisexual because accurate studies have not been done, and people often conceal their orientation. If one uses the Kinsey model (he turned his attention to female sexuality in his 1953 report), then the percentage of the FEMALE population that is lesbian/bisexual is around 11%, with lesbian:bisexual break-up being roughly 4:7. Generally the percentage of any population that is LGBT is considered to be 10% (though this is just an estimate).
There have been recent studies on “late-blooming lesbians” and “sexual fluidity”, but a lot of it is contradictory and nothing clear has been established. The American Psychological Association recently stated that female bisexuality is a stable identity and NOT a transitional or experimental phase despite experiences of fluidity: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2008-01/apa-bna011508.php
Personally, I’d say don’t worry too much about labels and how you self-identify as long as you’re comfortable and happy. There is a significant section of the female population (somewhere up to 7%) that is “like you”!
Personally, I think sexuality is so fluid in nature that it’s very common nowadays to be able to step out of gender stereotypes and be attracted to people of the same sex as well. Yeah sure, its confusing to have feelings for both sexes especially because most of us have grown up in environments believing that having a fixed sexual identity is almost a given- sacrosant and unquestionable right? But having said that I also believe that sexual identity development is as much a part of growing up as anything else and our preferences are also moulded by life experiences.
Dr. Lisa Diamond, the author of the book Sexual Fluidity- Understanding Women’s Love and Desire, has researched extensively on sexual fluidity and states that when it comes to women, its difficult to describe them by a linear narrative because its different and diverse set of life experiences that guide women to love and desire others.
I for example always thought I was very straight, until I fell in love with a woman completely out of the blue. Yes, I do realise that transitioning into a homosexual relationship will imply that I will have to deal with issues of sexual identity and getting over internalised homophobia but after much introspection I believe that I’d rather fall in love with a person as opposed to a gender type. And if being with a woman makes me truly happy- then so be it. Also, I find the deeper I get involved in my relationship, I realise how blurred and irrelevant questioning ones sexuality becomes (atleast for me) and its almost natural for me to be comfortable being in love with someone from the same sex.
So to sum up, I think both bisexuality and fluidity exist in society and our culture- it maybe uncomfortable to some because I think its just easier to imagine that everyone either fits into a gay or a straight box. But it is common for more and more people today to experience feelings for both the sexes. So girl my advice to you is to embrace the liberation and as my friends keep telling me … Enjoy life,,, and learn to lIve a little while u at it- gay, straight, bisexual, fluid, whateva 🙂